[so_punk_rock]

I feel terrible. almost a self-loathing type of terrible. im just pissed and annoyed at the things i do sometimes. last night i went to my sisters birthday party. i got hit on 3 times and i actually went outside and started talking to one guy. he seemed nice but i wasnt attracted to him. I think i led him to believe i was interested in him. i told him i didnt want a boyfriend but i didnt act like it. i was also a little tipsy but thats no excuse. my phone has been cut off all day because i gave him my number, and am now trying to avoid him. ive done the same thing once before when i was younger but i dont know why i do it. smh, im such a dumba** sometimes.

[lynn09]

Hi, so_punk_rock! I've just returned to PC, so haven't talked to you in a very long time. Please don't be so hard on yourself - just take the lesson learned to heart and use it to modify your actions in the future - no self-judging and condemning - no self-loathing, please. Most of us depressives have poor impulse control anyway. Alcohol lowers everyone's impulse control, and the more compromised it is to begin with, the faster and more completely it disappears in the presence of alcohol and other substances that interfere with brain function. This is a fact - file it away so you can retrieve and utilize this knowledge in the future.

You're young, spr, and it is perfectly normal for you to be flirtatious at your age - that's the repro hormones talking, and they can often talk loud enough to drown out our logic and reason - especially if logic and reason have been disabled by alcohol. You've learned something about yourself - you don't like who you became under the influence of the alcohol - lesson learned? Don't set yourself up for regret. It doesn't matter that some other people are not affected to the same extent when they drink - you are, and that's the reality you have to acknowledge and deal with.

As for "the guy" - to be honest, no matter how flirtatious you were or weren't, most males don't need much encouragement to be interested - evolution has wired them to be interested at all times. You don't want to be afraid to use your phone; so turn it back on, and deal with the situation if it arises. Who knows? He may have been tipsy himself and might not even recall the encounter clearly or even that he has your number. If he calls, just be honest with him - gently honest. Apologize for being tipsy and possibly giving him the wrong impression, and simply reiterate that you are not interested in getting involved in a relationship at this time. Keep it short and sweet - do not go into a lengthy explanation of why you are not interested - you have to go, you have something to do or have someplace to be - byebye.

Remember, that anticipatory anxiety always makes things seem more ominous than they really are - confronting and dealing with them usually cuts them down to size. lynn09

[so_punk_rock]

You're so wise, Lynn. I needed to hear all of that because I was obsessively worrying about it. I'm young and it's really hard to cope with things. I haven't learned how to properly cope with some things. Especially dealing with boys. That's probably why I've never had a boyfriend. Anyways, thanks for caring enough to respond.

[dailyhealing]

Hello, I understand that our MIs (and humanity?) makes us self hating and critical much of the time. I am a guy, and older, but can relate to what you say. I was depressed as a teen and didn't understand dating at all, and because of that I never had a girlfriend until I was 19 or 20. And the first few tries didn't go particularly well.... But perhaps that's a story for another post. I guess I'm just saying I can relate with being young and not being able to cope with dating. I did get better with practice, as I trust you will too.

As for your question, why do I do this? I don't think you really did anything wrong or bad. You had had some drinks, you are young, you are trying to figure out the whole dating/boyfriend thing... Try to give yourself a break, you are learning. I know it's hard to be patient and kind with ourselves, but we deserve it. You deserve it!

And I definitely agree with Lynn, it's probably better not to hide from this. If he does contact you try to be honest and say you aren't interested. The direct approach is always hard (at least for me), but I find it the best way to communicate with people.

Thanks so much for posting this, I hope you are able to not worry so much.

[Fuzzybear]