[coneyislandbaby]

Been dealing with this for over ten years now. My relationships with people are suffering, my quality of life is suffering. I can barely hold on to a job. Every day I'm too exhausted to even hold a conversation. I keep calling in sick to work. I take Xanax at night and it either helps me sleep for two hours or makes me feel like total crap the next day. I just don't know what to f%(*#ing to anymore. Is anyone else going through this? I feel like I'm all alone. People withdraw from me because they don't understand or don't want to deal with it. No one understands. I can't just exercise or concentrate on other things. I can't even think straight. My life is slipping away and at the same time it's on hold. I have nothing to say to my friends because my memory and cognition is so bad. And all there is to my life lately is doctors, chasing sleep, crying, avoiding people.

PLEASE, no responses about God.. please don't tell me it'll be okay if I pray.. it won't. It doesn't work that way. I just need to vent and I need to know I'm not the only one who feels like they're suffocating.

[Living Unraveled]

I am willing to bet that many of us are suffering like you. Have you seen a doctor or therapist yet ? I am assuming yes because you have xanax. It was the sleeplessness that made me take that first step to getting help. I do use xanax every once in awhile but I also am on zoloft daily. That has helped TREMENDOUSLY.
I also bumped up my vitamin intake - and this has helped with my mood and energy (mainly vit b complex, b-12, and D plus magnesium and calcium) so if you are wanting an added boost maybe try taking some vitamins as a start.

I agree as well that NO one around me understands or knows how to help. That is why I am here.

[gloomyday]

i partially know how you feel. i feel like i cant do anything like i used to and my life basically just statred. im wonderin if i actually have major depression or if my moms sadness is rubbing off on me...

[Rohag]

Over ten years... ***sigh***

A combination of "primary insomnia" and depression over the course of years ground me down to the point where I could no longer do my job nor successfully handle many "activities of daily living." I crashed.

Your post makes me think you are close to a crash. Is there anyone treating you who knows the full extent of your struggles? Could you print your above post and hand it to a doctor or therapist or counselor of some kind?

Originally Posted by coneyislandbaby

People withdraw from me because they don't understand or don't want to deal with it.

This doesn't surprise me.

My personal opinion is that the professionals have to treat insomnia and depression as a kind of composite illness. An approach that treats them separately is less likely to be successful.

[LadyShadow]

I am sorry you are suffering and feel that people don't understand. I would do like someone suggested, if you already have a pdoc, have them change your Xanax to something else. Something that will help you get to sleep correctly instead of knocking you out and you waking up a few hours later. That's the main problem I had with that till I was changed to Ambien. Now I'm on Benedryl. I was skeptic at first with changing so many times, but sometimes you have to try different things so you get one that works with your body.

Sleep is the hardest thing for me these days. I have trouble with it completely. Every part of it. So you are not alone. and I know people don't understand, that's why you're here. That's why we're here.

[eskielover]

I'm not dealing with depression atm, but the insomnia is causing my blood pressure to go so high & out of control. I have always had low blood pressure, but this not being able to sleep has been inching my blood pressure up until my medical pain specialist told me I should go to the ER since I don't have a primary care Dr. He did prescribe something to help me sleep, but haven't gone to the pharmacy to get it yet. Can't shut the mind off long enough to go to sleep.

I understand the lack of understanding of others....after I lost my career, I went into a major deep depression....ended up suicidal & with anorexia. In & out of the hospital more times than I can even remember. All my friends were through work & without work, there was absolutely no one & family & church people had no understanding. I really didn't care because I didn't want to have anything to do with them anyway.

Believe it or not....it can get better.....I can honestly attest to that. It took many changes & for me one huge one......I left my husband & moved 2100 miles away to a place where I didn't know anyone. I had already recovered from the suicidal issues for quite a few years...but went through a horrible trauma just a few years before I left....when my mother was dying of cancer. With the move, it's like I have become a new person. I have found wonderful friends who care about how I am, I have found a church family that is truly like a loving family, something that was a foreign concept to me before I found it. I have to admit that horses are a wonderful healing force for me. They didn't fix my major depression when I was experiencing it at first, but with my new foal that was born 7 years ago, my attachment to her really made a huge change in my feelings. I've been riding other people's horses until I can get my filly/mare here to be with me. It's not the same as having Izzy, but it's still healing to my soul.

Sleep is important....it gives the mind a chance to heal from all the anxiety & depression it feels throughout the day.....but it's not easy....that I am still experiencing.

Talking through your feelings is another good help....they didn't have internet back in 1994 when my depression was so bad (or at least not the same way internet is today). I also believe that the DBT skills that I am learning would have helped me immensly....not sure, but it seems they would have helped. I don't want to go back to where I was emotionally & test it though.

I couldn't take meds because everything caused horrible side effects & it got to the point, after all my OD"s, I couldn't even swallow a pill any more. I do use the Omega 3 EPA at 1200+mg/day....it not only fights depression but the DHA helps with the health & memory.....I need to be more faithful on using it because I saw in the past how it helped with my high blood pressure that I experienced one time before.

physical & mental health are all intertwined.....life does feel so difficult at times....but it can & will get better with patience & with good therapy to help with skills necessary to get through the very difficult times. (DBT in specific)

[coneyislandbaby]

Where do you find a DBT therapist? Just OOC. I live in New York City and it's impossible to find one. They either don't take insurance, or provide it apparently only on an inpatient basis.

[lancetrot]

Hi coneyislandbaby,
Really sorry. Do you have a therapist?