[idk y]

I had been getting over depression but......
My depression is coming back full force.....and it brought a friend.....
I haven't had them in five years, but my suicidal thoughts are back.....it's not just the thoughts that scare me.....
What scares me is when I do get the thoughts, I can't seem to control myself or my thoughts....I am unable to think of anything good.....all I am able to hink about is how death would feel nice right about now.....
I don't know what to do.....my friend is getting me help, I am meeting someone on Wednesday, butI don't know if I can last that long......
The only person who has ever been able to calm me down during these times goes to my school, but he is moving away this Sunday.....Whenever he holds me, all the fear, depression, suicidal thougths, and sadness all vanish and today will be the last time i can see him.....
He only knows about my depression, he doesn't know about my suicidal thoughts....
I'm just so scared that if I am left alone beforewednesday I am going to do something drastic......I cant tell my mom about these things cause I'm too scared. When I told her in the past she would yell at me andwould be like, "No you're not. You're just astupid b i t c h who wants attention" and tehn she wouldhit me......I actually had attempted suicide and she had stopped me right before shestarted hitting me over and over again......
I want to have a friend here who will stay with me but everyone i have grown to love and trust has left me......
I don't know what to do anymore.......

[lynn P.]

(((idk y)) - I'm sorry you're depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I'm also so sorry your mom responded to you this way - this is wrong. Do you have a therapist or received any help in the past or present? If not you do need to speak to a professional. Its good your friend helps you and sorry he's leaving - I hope you can stay in touch though.

The most important step is, to reach out for professional help and don't act on the feelings. If its just a thought, try to be patient and recognize this is a 'thought' but doesn't have to an action. As you said, you were well for a period of time, so this bad time will pass. You don't have to listen to the negative thoughts. Your depression is sending negative thoughts but you don't have to act on them. If your mom won't listen, maybe counselors at your school will. Be safe and patient with yourself.

http://psychcentral.com/helpme.htm

[madisgram]

also you could phone a crisis hotline number and tell them how you are feeling. often that helped me.
1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255
i hope you will get help.and we're here for you 2.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( idk y )))))))))))))))

[LookingforCalm]

Sweetie - my heart truly goes out to you. You and I are somewhat kindred spirits when it comes to the mother thing - as mine did pretty much the same thing. I'm 40 now, but I remember all the things she did and still does and it hurts like hell.

I hope you know that you are important, and that your life (although it may not seem like it now) has meaning. Your mother is probably depressed too, and is taking all her anger and depression out on you. I've been there. And as sad as it is, she's hurting too. Or she wouldn't be hurting you. She's projecting.

I'm not condoning what she'd doing - not by a long shot. But to feel this bad and be so scared is really awful for you. I had my father that I ran to, and I'm wondering who you have? I'm glad you do have friends that care so deeply for you, because that's what you need right now.

In the meantime, please don't give up. You are worth more than the pain being inflicted on you, whether you think so right now or not. Check in, will you?