[Maya]

I have been reading about medications that can help women achieve successful and satisfactory sexual responses when taken in conjunction with antidepressants. I have never had an orgasm during sexual intercourse and have been concerned about it for over 40 years. I was abused as a child and am still working through that. Does anyone know what meds might work? I am pretty desparate by now. I am tired or pretending. y husband and I have been married for 35 years and he has no idea. Please, can anyone help with this?

There's a med. called Buspar (Buspiron) that you could try. I don't know if it has the same name in english as in swedish... Talk to your doc about it...

[LMo]

Maya, I don't know if this is going to make you feel better, but I think that MOST women don't have an orgasm due to intercourse itself. There was a study that came out about that many years ago - I don't remember what it was called, but I think the statistic was that only 2 out of 10 can. I guess my point is that it's worth talking to your doctor, but I'm not sure that meds are guaranteed to be the answer. Women have a lot of physical differences in the way that our stuff is arranged down there, and while a psychological/brain chemical issue certainly could be one reason it doesn't happen for you, it's not guaranteed to be the only reason.

[(JD)]

Orgasm for men is based physically, but for women it's very much emotionally based, and in fact women can have two different types. I'm sorry you're suffering and feeling inadequate. In addition to medicine you wish to try, there are sex therapists that can help you work through the mental issues that you feel are preventing you from this enjoyment.

Some meds do decrease libido. Weighing the alternatives is always a good thing.

have you tried a vibrator? that helps a lot of people and it might help you. choose a calm time, alone, candles, calm music (if you like it) and try. it works.

[(JD)]

LOL while I know you didn't post that to me... it made me smile

[LMo]

(LMo <--- trying not to laugh...)

[(JD)]

Ok, sorry Maya, you have to forgive LMo and me, ok?

You really shouldn't have to feel like you need to keep this "secret" any longer. Surely your marriage is strong enough at this point where your spouse would WANT to help you with this? It would be important to make sure no one gets any blame, not you nor he. It just "is." But there things to help, and you should feel comfortable asking for help (like you did here )

[LMo]

I agree with _Sky. And want to emphasize that it's NORMAL if you don't, um, well you know, even if it's not ideal. Your husband needs to understand that as well. Does he pressure you about it? I hope not!

there are tons of women who don't achieve orgasm by penetration. they achieve it by foreplay that involves the clitoris. that is why i suggested that you start working with a vibrator (preferably an E.O.B., (electric operated boyfriend). and eventually, you may achieve orgasm during the actual intercourse. and involving the husband, in your personal time, after you're comfortable with it, will surely help. as he will realize that it takes more than perhaps he thought it did. hope this helps. i had my first one at 48 in the front seat of a pickup truck.... hope that makes some certain people grin.

[Lexicon78]

I'm one of the many who could never have an orgasm through plain old-fashioned sex. The only way I can get off is through masturbation. I get very close to orgasm when I'm getting oral sex, but a lot of action has to be done...I'd go into detail but I don't think too many people would want to hear that.

Anyways, masturbation is how I get off. It is a very natural and healthy thing to do. Also, you could do that in front of the hubby and it may even turn him on! Some guys like that.

Also you could try some adult films. That may increase your arousal, also. You could also try exploring each other through touching. Tell your hubby to just touch you or kiss you. No sex...just explore quite a bit. Me and my bf do that quite a bit.

Good luck.

[Maya]

Thank you all for your answers. They made me realize I am not alone with this problem. It seems to be quite common when I thought everyone else was having great sex and I was the only one who could not. I am much relieved.