Hurting

I feel like I am not cared for lately. I lost my cell phone twice so mom won't pay for it anymore and I have to pay for it out of my SSI check. Then i told her about my lost Orthodics. And that's coming out of my SSI check too.

I'm so upset lately. I feel unsupported and ignored and alone.

I feel abandoned and rejected.

From everyone else's perspective my mom is trying to teach me responsibility but it just upsets me more because it makes me feel like my mom doesn't want me anymore and that hurts, a lot.

I would get a job, but I can't, because SSI helps me get funding for school.

I have been struggling for 4 years and my mom knows that. It feels like she doesn't care for me anymore. I need help getting through the rest of college and grad school. If i can't get through grad school I am just going to be stuck at an entry level position. Which is unsustainable for me salary-wise.

I just think about all the bad things i've been through the past 4 years. Having to talk myself out of suicide, several times. It hurts, and I haven't told my mom about that. I've barely told anyone about that.

I feel as though all my pain gets ignored.

Today I was told to "grow up", when i cried, telling me I can't cry every time i am criticized. Then I told my mom "the next time you cry, i'll tell you to stop crying." I think she thinks that by criticizing me she is helping me. It doesn't help, it just makes me feel worse since I already have a huge guilt complex.

Everything hurts.

You don't have to feel ignored here.

((((((( SophiaG! )))))))

Has your relationship with your mom been stable over time, or has the relationship changed? You clearly have goals; does your mom have a goal regarding you?

She wants me to be Independent, but I feel as though that might conflict with my goals if I had too many responsibilities at once. I want to go to grad school but I have a history, where, if too much is put on me at once i kind of get depressed. So this is freaking me out. Plus, I know that if I cannot achieve this goal of grad school, that my salary will be meagar (psych major here), and i'll hate myself forever.

Plus i feel like she is pushing me into the realm of isolation, loneliness, depression and suicidal thoughts by trying to make me independent. Since that's what I associate with being alone. It doesn't feel like a loving act on her part.

It feels like my relationship with my mom has deteriorated as of late....

Do you think your mother is able to appreciate your path to independence requires respecting and navigating the limitations imposed by your illnesses? Can you explain this to her, or would she immediately dismiss whatever you had to say?

(((((((((((((( SophiaG )))))))))))))))

I'm not sure what she'd say to that.

Hi SophiaG, I always had a terrible time with my mother and her misunderstanding of my "condition" (Depression)...even though ironically, she was herself a Depressive. The denial and stigma surrounding depression in her generation really blinded her to the realities of the condition and removed any basis for empathy or sympathy...which was really all I needed from her. I can't say I applied the advice I'm about to give to my mother, I simply moved 3000 miles away from her and tried to build a family and life with people who would give me the love and support I needed; but this worked well for me when I was having trouble communicating to my husband about my depression and what I needed from him in the way of support: look up online "Advice for people who love someone who is depressed", or for you perhaps, "Advice for mothers of depressed children." there are many official, medical websites out there that have articles devoted to these exact issues. They give very good tips on how to communicate with a depressed loved one, what to say AND what NOT to say (e.g. Never tell a depressed person to "snap out of it" or "get over it"). Find one that looks official, and explains things clearly, and give this to your mom. Once she sees the seriousness of your condition, and that the medical community completely supports the idea that depression IS a real condition that cannot be overcome by mind power alone...and once you both see official guidelines for how to communicate with each other with care and consideration...she will have no excuse for treating you this way. Good luck love. I really feel for you.