[zombiette]

i'm having a really bad day today and it's made worse by the fact that i've been feeling normal for the past couple of weeks and then i feel terrible again. i'm so sick of slipping into depression all the time, i'm sick of all this slow progress, i now i'm getting better if you look at were i was six months ago, but i'm still not 100% and i want to be. sometimes i feel like it's all my fault, if i could just get my act together it'd be ok. i'm so sick of depression haunting me i wish it would just go away and get out of my life...please help!

[JustBen]

If it was just a matter of getting your act together, you would've fixed it yourself a long time ago. Getting better takes time and usually involves some setbacks. I know how much that sucks. Try to keep in mind that the bad days don't last forever.

[Junerain]

For Zombiette,

that's the nature of the beast, the beast of mental illness. In the book I'm reading, The Angel and the Dragon: A Father's search for answers to his son's mental illness and suicide, Jonathan Arthur writes that perhaps when one thinks they're better and they get "attacked"

[(JD)]

Yes, depression is tough. It's also tough to see that you are more often NOT so terribly depressed. It's tough because you don't feel safe that it won't return... and wonder if you'll ever be free from it.

I think you are doing well in your efforts...hang in there.

[Maya]

Zombiette - I know exactly how you feel. You think you are doing better then you slide back down in the well. Just 3 weeks ago I was telling my T and my Pdoc that I was stable and feeling much better - then the bottom fell out and I was on the phone with both of them trying to make sense of the world. It sucks - but I know that this disease is voracious but we can have more good days than bad - if only we could remember that when the bad days happen. I hope you are feeling better soon.

[zombiette]

hey there thanks so much for your replies...yeah, it is hard that these days i seem to be feeling fine a lot more and then it's back again...sometimes i spend so much time thinking about how NOT awful i feel that i threaten to make myself feel awful again. i know i didn't get like this overnight so it won't go away overnight but i just wish it would! and you know in some ways the thought of living without depression, although extremely appealing is somewhat scary, as i've gotten so used to feeling bad that i'm not too sure how normal emotions take their course. it hasn't quite clicked with me that you can have a bad day just like everyone else and that's all it is - just one bad day. i am feeling better today btw and yesterday wasn't too bad either

[SongBirdandDaisy]

YEAH, Zombiette!
Keep up the good work! One day at a time!
Anne

[wisewoman]

The good days need to be pinned to the calender with all of what made them good. I am working on the same thing. Good luck.

[heartspace]

Glad you're feeling a bit better zombiette. Hope tomorrow is even better.