[clouds_and_sun]

I know I haven't been here in a while but I am getting so depressed even more, the pain is too great for me to bare, I am so lonely so very lonely, I want to end it all. The hospitals here are horrible they treat patients like crap cause I had a friend go to one for 2 nights and she said it was so scary for her. I do have enough money to live on some campground and wait for my death. Here is the thing what if there is a good hospital that will see patients who feel like they want to be dead (like I do) but will treat their patients well even those who don't have a job, no source of income and no insurance. No I don't have enough money to get to Canada, just a few states away.
It sure beats the hell out of running off at some camp ground and wait my death but if there are no hospitals avail to help people who are like me (no income or insurance) then that is the only choice I have. I will not go to the hospitals in this city I live in all 3 surrounding counties are awful, they really do treat their patiences like dirt who don't have insurance.
But I really can't go on like this anymore, I am getting old (upper 30's) no family no hubby no kids nothing in my life to live for.
The pain hurts me so deeply.
Thanks for letting me get this out. I needed to, loneliness is just to hard to bare, to very hard.

[kaliope]

clouds and sun

if you reread your post, you will see that you dont want to die. you would be willing to live if there was a place that treated you better. which means there is hope inside you still, you know there is better out there in the world. where you are at, nothing looks good. hospitals are scary places, but they can be what you make them. like you, i am older, have little money and no insurance. i went to the same hospital twice. the first time it was horrible, i was taken there against my will, i was terrified, they were awful. the second time, i voluntarily admitted myself. I needed help. it was the only place i could go. i had a different attitude about it. i took what i needed from them. i didnt look at it as it being forced upon me this time. it was the same people working there. i just approched it differently.

so you know you need help. you seem desperately alone and in pain. You want to be in a better place and know there are better things out there in the world. So why not take advantage of one of the places around you now to get you feeling good enough to get you in a place that will give you enough resources to relocate to an area that has mental health services that can provide for your ongoing needs so that you dont have to feel this way again. no hospital can make you feel worse than what you are feeling right now. There will be at least one compassionate person working in there that will make you feel better than you are at this moment. Please consider going to the hospital. Id rather you not go die alone at a campground.......Hugs to you....

[Rohag]

As much as I regret the circumstances that bring you to post here, I am glad to hear from you, dear Clouds_and_Sun

A radical break from what has been, from the unbearable is a good thing; I hope that break will take a healthy form.

You might try Yahoo! Local (or something similar) to search for reviews of psychiatric facilities in your area or in an area where you can go. Here's an example for Austin, TX (just redo the form for your locale).

Have you considered contacting United Way / AIRS (211.org)? Of course, you can always call a crisis line (e.g. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) in the USA).

Wishing you life and the best...

[shezbut]

((((clouds and sun))))

Thankfully, doctors are separate from the billing department. Doctors are trained in treating the individual. They are trained to treat to the best of their abilities. Thank goodness!

For a couple of years, I was without income and uninsured. I've also been fully insured, and now, I'm on Medical Assistance. I have gone into treatment a few times (or so) over the years and one constant in these treatments has been that the doctors tried their best to make me feel better ~ and had success.

Some hospitalizations have taken longer to help me, but each has re-installed hope within me. Some sense of hope, for me, is an absolute necessity in life. You deserve help, clouds and sun. You deserve hope.

Gentle hugs and thoughts for you...