[Serotonin]

Today wasn't great but it wasn't so bad, so I have decided to live another day. If that goes well, who knows, I might even decide to keep on living until the end of the week. I'm not thinking of suicide, it's just that for the past 15 years I have been existing as opposed to living, and a mere existence doesn't provide much to talk about.

Sometimes I feel that the only purpose to most people's lives is to fill the void with some sort of activity, any activity, so as to imbue life with a modicum of purpose and meaning. The eradication of nothingness seems to be the main purpose of life. But if life is nothing, should it be banished and replaced with something?

Existential frustration keeps gnawing away at my being. I live in a beautiful countryside environment, beside mountains and forests. Sometimes I go up into the mountains and into the forest where I breathe the air, and I momentarily feel good, as I have done something; a simple activity. But the sense of achievement is transient, and it's not long before the nothingness returns.

I'm tired of attempting to eliminate the nothingness, fill the void, and transform my existence into a life. But I have decided to live another day, and tomorrow might be brighter than today.

this was supposed to be posted in a different forum.
Sorry about that.

[carrie_ann]

Serotonin, i'm not an advice giver ... every time i try i put my foot in it ... but i do really hope you find something soon that can give you a genuine zest for life.

and about them mountains and forests ... my heart, eyes and cell phone camera would love ... surrounded by concrete jungle here ...

[Marla500]

is there anything you used to like to do that you could try again? even if it's not fun like it used to be, it might make you think of something else you could try...I like to go to the second hand store and buy books on different crafts so I can try them, I don't care if the projects don't come out beautifully, because the main thing is to try something new. and if they do come out beautifully, all the better! I do hope you find that tomorrow is a good day

[Serotonin]

Thanks a lot. I'm out of bed, so that's a good omen. I was out in the garden, and the sun is weak, but it's shining. Sometimes I like to sit in the garden on a sunny morning and meditate, that always has a positive effect. Srsly, just 20 minutes of meditation every morning can make all the difference.

I know that I need new hobbies, new activity. Sometimes I run (not very far, as I'm slightly overweight, and not that fit), cycle (again, not too far), and if I'm feeling really energetic (which is seldom), I'll go for a hike in the mountains or forest. I walked 16 miles through the forest a few weeks ago, was exhausted by the time I got back home.

I'd like company, but I'm so much of a chronic loner and social recluse that the only people I interact with are folks at the store (very briefly), and people on the internet. I don't know if I have social phobia or generalized anxiety disorder or both, I know I've always had difficulty with social situations.

But alas, I have decided to live another day as opposed to merely existing. I'm going to go out for a run (hop along breathless), and then go out shopping for some healthy high fibre foods this afternoon.

Hope you decide to live another day too.

PS. I posted this thread in the wrong forum last night, good to see it's been moved to a relevant one.

[Marla500]

I know what you mean about company, I'm the same way. I think I have told myself for so long that I'm no good around other people that I don't give myself a chance. being outside is good. I like to watch the birds, especially the hummingbirds battling it out with the bumblebees over the flowers. I have been thinking about running, but not sure my knees could handle it...it would feel really good though. I will try to live today by noticing all the details rather than just going through all the motions