[lenjan]

I'm so fricking depressed I can't stand it, and I don't know what to do about it, or what to tell my pdoc when I see him Wed., besides the fact that the upped Effexor hasn't done a frickin' thing.

I'm just so tired, you guys. I'm tired of dealing with bureaucrats standing in my way of getting the benefits I not only need, but have earned -- time for me to get some of my tax dollars back. I'm tired of the huge toll it takes on me to handle all this stuff, when I need to be concentrating on regaining my physical and mental health. I'm tired of having one good, energetic, at least mood-neutral day, only to have two days of horribleness following it. I'm tired of spending every day obsessing about money, and whether I can afford $1 for a soda or should save it for laundry money. I'm nearly agoraphobic at this point -- I don't go out unless I absolutely have to.

I'm tired of being tired all the time. 2 of the last 3 days, I didn't even get dressed, or take a shower, for that matter. There's nobody here to care. I'm cleared to work part-time, and I've been doing a little freelancing for my former employer, but I'm trying to find a regular part-time job with a regular income, and everywhere I apply, they look at my master's degree and my career experience and say, "and you're applying here because?" and I don't know what to say. If I tell them that I'm recovering from an illness that almost killed me and I'm not allowed to work fulltime yet, who's going to want me? -- they think I'll just call in sick all the time. If I'm evasive about it, they wonder what I'm hiding.

I'm just tired of struggling alone. I want somebody to come take care of me. I called the Aplastic Anemia Foundation, and there are only 2 other people in Wis. who volunteered to talk about their experiences with the disease, and neither of them is anywhere near Milwaukee. I really need somebody I can talk to regularly, and see, and go out with for coffee and stuff. My T is moving out of state in a month, and I thought I would just bag therapy, but right now I'm ready to go admit myself to the psych hospital my pdoc works out of, so that's probably not a hot idea. So now I have to add the worry of having to start all over again -- and build trust again -- with someone new.

I'm tired, and I'm throwing myself a big fat huge pity party. Anybody wanna come?



Candy

[Lexicon78]

I'll join ya and we can have a party together!

How about answering them with you took some time off from career to be more with the family. (they don't need to know why you had to take the personal time and you were dealing with a family issue - a family member who was critically ill needed you. They don't need to know that it was you. and then say you are ready to get back into the work force but you want to start out as part time So that you will still have time for your family. Any agency understands people take time off as a normal thing when a family member is critically ill. In fact most companies now have a protocal that allows family members to take time off to be there for critically ill family members. Not sure but I think it was president clinton that signed that bill that gives family members the right to take time off for dealing with the critically ill family members.

[Myzen]

Hi Candy,

The bottom line of your post is that you need some 3d help and you need it right now!

We are all here for you, but we aren't close by and we can't drop in to see how you are and give you a 3d boost. I'm even on a different continent!

I used to work in a day centre for people with different illnesses, and although some people might look down on this kind of place, I found it to be so full of heart and friendship. In a way, it was like being in a family, and everyone helped everyone else through the day. Of course the authorities closed it down through cost cuts - Hmmmm.

I hope that you find a group somewhere, and then you could post us about it and keep us in stitches with your great perceptions and brilliant sense of humour. I think that you are too sociable to be stuck at home and something will come me up. It'll have to!

Cheers, M

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((Candy))))))))))))))))))

My cave door is open and I am waiting for you!

Gentle hugs,
Fuzzy

[dottie]

I wish there was someone close to you that could help you out with all this.

(((((((((((Candybear)))))))))))))

[wisewoman]

Candy, I am a pro at Benefits stuff and I know there are people here who do more CEO stuff as related to getting a job. YOU WILL MAKE IT. It pains my heart that you are struggling so but I have faith that you will be okay.

[heartspace]

{{{Candy}}} things are so hard for you right now. I feel so sorry for you.