[Cduhan]

I've as of last week just started therapy for the first time, after battling with a feeling I associated as depression for a long time. My therapist, obviously after one meeting can't completely confirm, but says he sees depression in me.

I feel low, worthless, and really just empty. I'm fatigued, just tired 24/7. I have lost every ounce of aspiration within me, I used to try so hard to advance and succeed, but now I'm so afraid of failure that I have given up on trying at anything really. I'm putting myself through this, I blame nobody but me, is that bad? It's so much more than this, but most of my feelings of depression for 8 years now are heavily associated with a girl in my life. I've been madly in love with her for 8 years non-stop, she without actually doing anything makes my life a living hell but I put myself through it because I feel as if she is worth it. It's completely a unhealthy relationship but I can't pull myself away from her and I cannot imagine getting over her if I haven't already after 8 years...

I'm just lost, confused, and I don't know what to do

Everyday it seems to get worse, and I never feel good, or happy anymore

I just want to live...is that so much to ask for?

[lynn09]

Hello, Cduhan. No, just wanting to live is not too much to ask for. I think your seeking out assistance from a therapist in sorting out your feelings and examining the dynamics of your relationship is a very wise move - but please be patient - therapy is a process that takes time, patience, and dedication. It would probably be a good idea to have your regular doctor do a complete physical exam, as well, to rule out any of a number of medical conditions that can produce the symptoms you have described.

Since you're just at the very beginning of this endeavor and you haven't been able to really pinpoint the relevant issues just yet, there really isn't much advice to be offered at this point. Just give yourself credit for acknowledging that you have a problem and are being proactive in seeking help in identifying, understanding, and finding ways to resolve it. Also, don't fall into the trap of the "blame-game" - it's not about assigning fault, it's about finding solutions and getting the information and treatment you need to help you become the person you want to be and have the fulfilling life you desire.

Forget words like "fault," "blame," "deserve," etc. - they will not serve you well, and replace them with the concept of taking personal responsibility for and being proactive about improving your physical and psychological well-being. Treat yourself with the same acceptance, consideration, compassion, respect, and encouragement that you would afford a good friend struggling with such issues. We all must evolve beyond the counterproductive "blame/guilt/punishment" mindset and perspective if any of us are ever to be able to effect real, positive, constructive changes in our lives to the benefit of others and ourselves.

Posting here at PC is a good step in the right direction, as well. There are many kind, caring, knowledgable, and experienced people here ready and willing to provide whatever information, support, and encouragement they can through this process.

Take good care of yourself.lynn09

[Leed]

Hello and welcome! I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you're having such a time, but I'm very happy you're in therapy. That was a wise move on your part.

I agree with Lynn in that you shouldn't be using such words as "fault, blame, deserve, worthless," etc. It does no good at all to beat yourself to a bloody pulp. As Lynn pointed out, we need to be more respectful toward ourselves just as we would a trusted friend or family member. We need to learn to love ourselves, which can be a difficult thing to do but we can't love anyone else if we can't love ourselves.

Can you tell us why your relationship is so unhealthy? It would be helpful to know so we could better help you.

Again, I'm glad you're here. Please keep posting. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Fuzzybear]

[Cduhan]

Originally Posted by Leed

Can you tell us why your relationship is so unhealthy? It would be helpful to know so we could better help you.

Basically after 4 years of being together, she left me for awhile, nothing spoken between us. Until recently she came back and she is with someone, and me at the same time....and it's causing me a lot of stress and it's really just not helping me out at all. Shes telling me all these things she wants with me, and that she loves me and im buying into all of it cause to me she's worth all this pain i'm feeling.. i just dont know how much longer i can handle all this

i feel myself sliping lately , and im really just trying to make it till my next therapist appointment thursday