Not sure what to do...

Hello. I'm new to the site but not new to feeling depressed unfortunately. I went through some depression back in 2008, lasted a good few months and for the most part hasn't returned until earlier this week. I was in school at the time and saw a therapist there which helped a bit I think but am not sure I necessarily need one again. I think I really just need to write my thoughts/emotions down somewhere so that's what I'm doing.

The worst part is I have no idea why I'm depressed. When I think about it I can't figure it out. My life is pretty good, there's not really much to complain about yet I can't knock this feeling. Sometimes I feel it in my head, other times in the pit of my stomach and all I can think about when that happens is how much I hate the way I'm feeling and would love to just end it all.

When I first felt this way back in 2008 the only thing that kept me from actually causing myself any harm was the fact that I felt like it would literally kill my mom if I did, and I couldn't do that to her. She's basically the only thing that kept me alive and she didn't even know it. I can't tell her how I'm feeling because I don't think she'd understand and it would only make her upset. I'd talk to my dad about it first but I would prefer not to do that either. Thus why I'm here; anonymous support.

When I first felt this way this time around I went to the gym in hopes that some exercise was all I needed. It did help, but only temporarily. Was wondering if anyone else had any tips? Last time I joined a live chat group that really helped a bunch. I plan on doing that again but I need to post four more times after this before I can apparently!!

I just hate the fact that I can't identify what is making me feel this way. I think it would be a lot easier to cope with or even fix if I could point at an aspect of my life and be like "that's what's getting me down, lets do something about it" but instead it's just a random feeling that I can't seem to knock.

I suppose that's all I have to say for now. Thanks in advance for the support.

Hello & Welcome, Burdsinflite! As much as this seems like the return of the depression you experienced in 2008, have you seen a doctor to rule out physical causes? Depression can hide physical issues, and physical problems can manifest as depression.

• From the Wall Street Journal, Health Journal: Confusing Medical Ailments With Mental Illness, by Melinda Beck, August 9, 2011

Great! Post and keep on posting!

Writing your thoughts and emotions down is a great idea. I know it helps me, but I too have the problem of fingerpointing one issue that would 'cause my depression' I am a recovering alcoholic. I belive that my depression came before my drinking, I just didn't know how to deal it. But there was no clear moment that I said 'I'm depressed' I just know that I am. I am on meds and have been for quite a few years.
I always incouraged my children to write, it helps you to see what's going on with you. But it is best to run it by someone so they can give their view on it too. I know I am critical of myself and that has always been an issue.
Trust me being a parent, you want to know when your kid is hurting. I know it's tough and you can't predicate the outcome, but you will know when the time is right. Don't wait till they see you lying in a hospital room. Give them a chance.

Thank you both for your responses. I had not even considered that it could be some other disease or illness that is making me feel depressed. I am considering seeing my doctor about that now, so thank you very much for the advice.

I agree that I probably should talk to my parents about it and that they would want to know if I'm not happy but I just don't want to burden them. If it continues though then I agree that I should. I just wish I could figure it out on my own, I hate that I can't.

Yesterday I was at a cinco de mayo party. We were having a good time and then out of nowhere I started feeling depressed again for no reason. It lasted maybe 10 minutes or so and just randomly went away. I just don't understand it but the feelings are really powerful when they do come.

This morning I woke up and I'm feeling it again. I'm just so sad and I don't know why. I feel like I want to cry but I can't do that either. It just doesn't happen even though I feel so strongly like I want to.

I do drink a couple nights a week and I also had been smoking weed pretty regularly. I recently have been trying to cut back on smoking and I think that could be part of why I feel this way. The last time this happened was when I quit smoking as well. I want to stop smoking, maybe not entirely but get to a point where its very very sparingly. I was smoking at least once a day, then I met a girl and I cut back significantly (not for any real reason, just didn't feel like I needed to) but now things are getting interesting with her but I'm continuing to try to not smoke and I think the not smoking and things not going too great with her could be part of the problem.

I don't necessarily want to stop drinking because it's pretty much how I socialize with people. I do want to stop smoking so much though because I think it just masks the pain. Lately though it's not even like when I do smoke it goes away. Sometimes it makes it even worse. I just feel so confused. And it makes it so hard to do anything when my mind is so focused on how horrible I feel. I wish things were going better with the girl. It's a new relationship but she's really tough to figure out and I think we're looking for different things. I don't know what to do about that but I'm not even worried about it really. I need to figure myself out first.

It's a shame that pot and alcohol affect your mood instantanty but they're bad for you; and antidepressants are "good" for you but take weeks, months, & years to work. Why can't the docs find something healthy that works quickly. Just some temporary relief would be so wonderful.

Alcohol and pot make it worse in the long run.

Birdsinflite, it does help to share with people -- even if it's an anonymous chat.

Take good care of yourself.