Unbearable emotional pain and obsessive suicidal thoughts

I am in unbearable emotional pain right now. I don't want to call the new T because I don't want to risk going to the hospital again (I'm uninsured and last time it was $10,000. Also the last time they literally did NOTHING to help me feel better. No counseling or talk therapy with anyone. The only thing they did was give me drugs. And as a side-benefit I could distract myself with the goal of acting well enough to be released ASAP.

i simply do not want to live. You would not believe how empty my life is. I absolutely hate this life with all my heart and all my soul. My days are filled with emptiness. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to be with my fiancé (or anyone else for that matter) and he doesn't want to be with me (can you blame him?)

I just feel so closed in. I can't breathe. I can't get out. I can't escape!

Hello Lillylillie, what usually works to help you feel safe? Do you have some coping strategies you can use through this rough patch? Please call a crisis line if you need to. We are hear listening also.

I won't go back to a general hospital ER that cost a lot of money, gave me no services and sent me on my way. I will, however, go to a private psychiatric hospital if i can get in. I have no insurance so I have to convince them I can pay. I have about $2500 in the bank, and I think I can go up to $6-8K on my credit cards and after that I can borrow from someone I'm sure. I'm on the phone with them right but they put me on hold.

Sitting with you Lillylillie. Breathe.

It's supposed to be one of the best in the area, but yeah the concept of a for-profit, private psych hospital sounds horribly cruel doesn't it? If you have money, you get help. If you don't you can just go die in the street.

I'm waiting on them to call me back.