[Kaleidoscope26]

Hello guys, I'm new to this, I've never reached out to anyone on the internet about my depression. To be honest I've dealt with it on my own since I was 8 years old. I'm 20 now, I go to a big university and people who know me would never guess this about me. I think I'm a good person, at least I try to be, which is why I don't understand why I feel so bad all the time, Last year I joined a sorority and I developed anxiety and I felt like I couldnt connect with anyone.I quit for many reasons that went beyond this but I cant help but wonder if I'll always feel like an outsider. My anxiety has gotten worse, yesterday I had my first panic attack and I was by myself, begging my boyfriend to call me. But somehow he made me feel so much worse about myself. I couldnt breathe and I had a pain in my chest. I thought about suicide and pictured myself in different scenarios. I just feel so trapped in myself, in my relationship, in my situation. I sound so pathetic and I just dont know what to do anymore, I'm sorry is all I keep saying, I just don't want to be alone.

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- Being in a big university is tough, especially when you tend to be depressed. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. How about talking to the counselor there? Every school/university has counselors -- I'm sure they'd be happy to talk to you. They're trained in this and you won't be the first to come to them with this. Don't hesitate to go. They can help you and/or refer to somewhere that CAN help. Please go -- and let us know how you come out, ok?

We really do care. And keep posting here too cause there's always someone here to listen. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[kindachaotic]

Welcome to PC! Sorry you are struggling. You have landed in a place that understands where you're coming from.
You do not sound pathetic & shouldn't feel bad about something you can't help. By all means, you are not alone.
I know first hand, panic attacks, in & of themselves will not kill you.
But just in case, have you had a physical lately? Would you consider seeing your school counselor. Therapy is free at Uni & might help with some of the issues you speak of. Outside of boyfriend, would you feel comfortable telling your family or a close friend?
I am not new to PC but sort of new to this Depression forum. It seems to be pretty busy/full so it's easy for a thread to get "buried". Please don't let this get to you, make up another title for it & try again.

Glad you're here & keep posting.
Don't give up.