[so_punk_rock]

It's weird. Holidays and anything of that nature puts me in a crappy mood. I'm depressed all year but for some odd reason, special occasions like this make me feel even worse. Being depressed makes you focuse on the negative and I have several times. On my 18th birthday I made it a point that my life would change from that point on. It hasn't....not very much. I'm still, a unemployed, high school drop-out, with no friends and a sh*tload of problems. My birthday is on thursday and I really don't want to feel that way. It's supposed to be a "happy" birthday. I decided that I dont want to feel sorry for myself. I do it year-round and I don't want to spend my birthday that way. I want to focus on more positive things, like maybe working towards my dream job, and taking evening classes or something. I want to focus on thinking of ways to make my life better than what it is. I know that one day, I can be happy, truly happy, and that my future could be better than I could even imagine. I believe that because if I don't, I'm afraid that I might just lay down and die. So this year, despite the sh*tload of problems and major depression, i want to try to make this a "happy" birthday.

[doggiedo]

It certainly sound like it's a tough holiday for you and you aren't alone in that sense. You said you have a bunch of problems...I'm sorry to hear that. Are you able to maybe tackle one at a time? Make a goal for the month at working on getting info on how you would get your GED, for example? I only say this bc maybe u might feel a little better if u have a plan in place to make changes, even if they are little changes.

Do u have anyone in your life to support u right now?

Do u have anything u might want to do to celebrate your birthday? Maybe u can start a new tradition of doing something you really enjoy every year on your birthday. Whatever you decide, I'm wishing you a happy one. I'd sing you Happy Birthday too, if I could. Hang in there buddy.

[notablackbarbie]

Happy Birthday!!!! (((so_punk_rock)))
I hope you are able to enjoy today in some way FOR YOU. It is sad how hard everything can be right now ... i still do think that you are worth it!

[lynn09]

Happy Birthday (Belated), spr!! I just passed Mile Marker 62 on the 3rd myself! Throughout my childhood, birthdays and holidays were nightmares - the family putting on a good show so that others would perceive them as being loving, "normal" people. Lies, all lies! When I was first out on my own, it was difficult for me to enjoy my birthdays and holidays because they only served to remind me of all that I was not and my life was not. Of course, I finally came to understand that the only way to replace bad memories is to create good ones - had to claim my birthdays and the holidays and make them my own - make them mean what I wanted them to mean for real.

Regardless of where and when we start, we each have the right and responsibility to create ourselves and our lives bit-by-bit, moment-by-moment. It doesn't matter if you are not who you want to be today; as long as you're alive, you have opportunities and possibilities available to you to be a different person and have a better life tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, retaining from the days past whatever is relevant and constructive, and discarding whatever is not.

Making your Birthday your very own is a good place to start the creative process. About 25+ years ago, my first therapist, Juanita (abuse survivor, too), told me that she always celebrated her birthday for a whole week because one day simply was not enough - and I have been doing the very same thing ever since. Give it a try. lynn09