[geekgirl]

I've been depressed for a few years now, after going through a rancorous divorce and learning about my ex husband's level of deceit and betrayal.

While I feel a bit better these days, I'm just not content like I used to be. I'm extremely lonely and dealing with a lot of financial pressure because of this divorce. (Our house hasn't sold, my ex refused to help out with fixing it up or selling it, and he's bailed on child support and he's now being held in contempt of court for refusal to pay.)

I'm glad not to have to be living with him, my life is much more peaceful. But, I guess I'm tired of this depression. I try, I really do... did meds and counesleing. No long on meds, but still doing counseling.

I think I'm just tired of this. Does anyone ever truly get "cured" of depression? I still have some "triggers" that will send me into tears. One was I came across a picture of my ex that his gal pal had the aduacity to send me. I was cleaning some old files off of the computer and found it. I can't bring out the Christmas stuff because there's too many shared memories there, so I won't do it. I'm boycotting Christmas this year, and that seems to help so that I don't go into really heavy crying episodes.

Really... anyone out there who's licked this?

[yellowrose]

Hi,
In my opinion, it can get better but it does not go away. The reality is that life will continue to happen and deal us whatever it wants. I guess what changes is our personal attitudes, beliefs and coping skills with all this crap. Of course, it is not an easy task to change these things. I found that the length of my "down" time has decreased. I used to be in the black hole for a month or two...then slowly crawl out. Now, the black hole time lasts no longer than a couple of weeks and the intensity has lessened. The rest of the time I have to fight hard to bombard myself with positive thinking and unguaranteed hope!
I don't know if there really is a true answer to your question. I believe it is different for everyone experiencing depression. Hang in there and keep posting. I have found the people here to be very supportive.
HUGS!
Yellowrose

[krzyk101]

Hi,
I am sorry to hear that you are suffering. Ive been on meds and counseling for 10 years now, and I havent "licked it" and am my self trying to mind some kind of contentment in my life. The past comes round alot to haunt me and adds to my depression. I guess have got better for me time to time, being bipolar I get an up swing once in a while, even then all I can think about is that maybe its finally over, then unpredicted and not knowing when the depression just creeps up on me. I have triggers as well, a song on the radio, or even a make and model or color of a car, can take me back somewhere. I am just thankful for these forums and that I can see that others deal with these things too.

take care
Kris

KRZYKRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[jennie]

i don't know
i don't know
i don't know

<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>

[geekgirl]

Yellowrose,

You're right... this coaster ride does subside over time. I find that over time, the length of time I'm down and the depths of the downs aren't as bad. Still... I really long to get back to "me." I don't hate myself, I just don't find life all that exciting or enjoyable any longer. The black holes you talk about usually only last a few hours or a day right now and then I bounce back. But when I bounce back, life is just... not a lot to brag about or anything to look forward to.

Maybe it's just me. But there's only so much self-comforting/self-spoiling you can do and not feel the loneliness. Even after all of this time, I really miss the marriage and the family thing. Not good I think especially since we've been apart almost two years now, and for the year before that.. life was pure hell anyway. I just keep remembering what we used to have and really miss it.

It sounds almost silly to be grieving after all of this time.

Oh well... I'm not unhappy most of the time, I just am not happy. Kind of like I'm living in a gray zone and I hate this. Sometimes I resent even that I have to rebuild my life in every area now... I never wanted to be here in my 40s!

I'm throwing a pity party, so I'll just go off and find something to occupy myself with I guess...

[geekgirl]

krzykris,

It's hard, I know. I can't understand how hard it must be being bipolar on top of the depression! The triggers are so hard to deal with sometimes. I'm glad for these forums too . I read a lot here, just don't post. Somehow my problems often seem insignificant compared to a lot of others. But still... trying to find that content again when you have to struggle each day to make ends meet and battle legal problems with a whacked out ex (he's an addict and a deadbeat dad) really get me down.

I'm struggling hard to detach myself from him still. It's hard, and I get angry with myself that I can't!! I just want to smack him upside the head and ask him "what the hell were YOU thinking?" But that won't do any good.

Hopefully, we'll all find that place where we're content with ourselves and our lives again... sigh!