[Hellion]

At times the pain I am in really just gets to be very overwhelming...not only is the psychological pain hard to deal with but the physical pain some of it causes doesn't help. For instance being tense and on edge all the time kind of makes me sore and exausted feeling which in turn feeds my depression...so then I just feel I am being hit with an avalanche of misery and depression. I mean I am trying very hard to just keep going......even if nothing more than for the sake of trying to keep going but I have to wonder if it's really worth all the pain and misery. Not to mention I feel like since I pretty much fail at life all I can possibly do is bring people down or burden them. Anyways I kinda had to get this out I guess was sick of dwelling on it without outwardly expressing any of it.

[Rocky Raccoon]

im glad you were able to get it out. and i'm sure it helped relieve some of that pressure even if its only in miniscule amounts.

i just recently within the past 6 months began using these meditation apps and started dedicating times for me to just relax..... it feels incredible to have some of that weight lifted off even for a brief moment. i never realized how tense i was until i finally learned how to breathe and relax.

[Puffyprue]

(((((((Hellion)))))))))

you can share with us here as much as you want,sorry havent have comforting word to say

wish your pain decreasing

*hugs

[insideout]

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Rocky Raccoon

im glad you were able to get it out. and i'm sure it helped relieve some of that pressure even if its only in miniscule amounts.

i just recently within the past 6 months began using these meditation apps and started dedicating times for me to just relax..... it feels incredible to have some of that weight lifted off even for a brief moment. i never realized how tense i was until i finally learned how to breathe and relax.

I wish it was as simple as learning that for me...but no matter how hard I try I cannot seem to make myself relax other then taking drugs with relaxing effects. I have tried using breathing relaxation tequniques and stuff but those seem to only help very little and not so much with more severe anxiety. I also have PTSD which keeps me on edge most of the time unless I've exuasted myself from being on edge too long. My frusteration is more I know exactly how tense I am and I can't seem to do much about it.

But yeah that is a good suggestion...I just wish it was more effective in my case.

[Rocky Raccoon]

It took me thirty years to learn how to breathe right and relax. It's all still very new to me. I remember one stay at a hospital I had spoken to a doctor about what different medications I should try. I had tried others before and just didn't feel like any of them were working. So he told me I should practice breathing. I got so angry and thought this doctor really doesn't have a clue. Many years later, after dedicating a lot of my time trying to figure out how our bodies work it finally clicked on how important oxygen is to our body. ESP our brain. When I stress I forget to breathe. Sometimes I'll pass out from not breathing. It makes sense if you think about if scientifically. Breathing does help. It doesn't make everything better but it's a step in the right direction.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Rocky Raccoon

It took me thirty years to learn how to breathe right and relax. It's all still very new to me. I remember one stay at a hospital I had spoken to a doctor about what different medications I should try. I had tried others before and just didn't feel like any of them were working. So he told me I should practice breathing. I got so angry and thought this doctor really doesn't have a clue. Many years later, after dedicating a lot of my time trying to figure out how our bodies work it finally clicked on how important oxygen is to our body. ESP our brain. When I stress I forget to breathe. Sometimes I'll pass out from not breathing. It makes sense if you think about if scientifically. Breathing does help. It doesn't make everything better but it's a step in the right direction.

I don't know if I can take it for 30 years though, but I guess I'll find out. I mean I do focus on the breathing thing when I can but sometimes I can't gain that much control over it or am too distracted by the anxiety. Also I can't say it really does much for the pain I feel hence the self medicating...but I tried lots of other coping techniques before that they just didn't really help much. I would be open to some presriptions maybe, but not if its an SSRI because I tried that once and it only screwed me up more. But yeah its just a matter of needing something a bit stonger than breathing more slowly to calm me when I can't bring it under enough control to do that. breathing right is good of course, it would just be nice if it was more effective I guess.

[Rocky Raccoon]

How are you feeling today?

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Rocky Raccoon

How are you feeling today?

On edge and anxious pretty much all day.I had to laugh earlier though one of my friends the type who likes messing with people in good fun snuck up on me and poked me in the side its not like I really care. I mean it usually doesn't startle me as much as it did. But yeah I freaked out and ended up kinda falling/diving onto the ground as if that would protect me from some unseen danger or something. Anyways no harm was meant and it actually was kind of funny so we both laughed about it. But obviously sucked at the same time, luckily it wasn't in public then I'd be embarrassed and probably not laughing about it.

But yeah anxious overall I guess, there is that feeling of impending doom, though its not quite as bad as it was earlier but still there.

[anjelmarie]

Originally Posted by Hellion

At times the pain I am in really just gets to be very overwhelming...not only is the psychological pain hard to deal with but the physical pain some of it causes doesn't help. For instance being tense and on edge all the time kind of makes me sore and exausted feeling which in turn feeds my depression...so then I just feel I am being hit with an avalanche of misery and depression. I mean I am trying very hard to just keep going......even if nothing more than for the sake of trying to keep going but I have to wonder if it's really worth all the pain and misery. Not to mention I feel like since I pretty much fail at life all I can possibly do is bring people down or burden them. Anyways I kinda had to get this out I guess was sick of dwelling on it without outwardly expressing any of it.

I know that pain and its not fun. All i can say is your not alone and hope it helps to know that and that i care. I don't know if you are religious but i pray for you and all of us suffering and feeling so alone.

[Rocky Raccoon]

Haha... That's fantastic! Take a mental snapshot and put it away for a rainy day. I'm trying to start a collection of mental snapshots of things that make me smile in a day. I have so many albums of the bad ones I figured it was time to try something different id love to hear more from you if you are up to it. If not that's ok too. I hope you have an easy day and get more smiling moments.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Rocky Raccoon

Haha... That's fantastic! Take a mental snapshot and put it away for a rainy day. I'm trying to start a collection of mental snapshots of things that make me smile in a day. I have so many albums of the bad ones I figured it was time to try something different id love to hear more from you if you are up to it. If not that's ok too. I hope you have an easy day and get more smiling moments.

Yeah I guess it was nice not having to take it so seriously at that moment. Still sucks I ended up feeling anxious most of the day...it hasn't hit me yet today but I am rather worn out and sore because I was far too tense...Oh and I smoke cigarettes but I have been going without them due to lack of funds so maybe that is effecting me, not sure though. I am sure my lungs don't mind though.

[Rocky Raccoon]

How long has it been since you last had one? I've been smoking for 13 yrs now. My husband and I have tried so many ways to quit. Definitely one of the hardest things to give up. Do you plan on giving up for good?

[regretful]

I know what you mean about overwhelming pain. I successfully managed depression with medication about a year or so ago. I stopped the medication with medical advice, did pretty well for about 4 months, but the last few months have seen me steadily slipping into despair. I tried to return to the medication, but this time lexapro gave me nothing but side effects. So, I switched to bupropion xl, and ended up with a nasty side-effect of tinnitus. So, no more meds for me. Now, I'm heading for the therapy route with a psychologist. I'm also talking regularly with my parish priest. Prayers do help.

I'm also writing back and forth with someone through the samaritans. Since I'm new, I can't post the link, but you can search for them from this site, because I found this site from them. and I find their replies useful. When I used to journal that became a litany of complaints that led me deeper into depression; now I write to the anonymous but supportive samaritans and their replies to me help me focus my thoughts on the positives.

One final thought that was shared with me by my parish priest yesterday: even on the darkest of nights, the sun still rises the next day.

Continue to vent and keep yourself open to the possibility that like all other things, this too shall pass.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Rocky Raccoon

How long has it been since you last had one? I've been smoking for 13 yrs now. My husband and I have tried so many ways to quit. Definitely one of the hardest things to give up. Do you plan on giving up for good?

Well I ended up smoking half of one this morning and just now smoked the other half. Before that I went all day without one and the day before that I smoked like 4. I simply don't have the option of buying any cigarettes to smoke but I find it likely I will get some when I can, I want to try and smoke less but I don't know about totally quitting.

[Rocky Raccoon]

I'd like to give it another try. At least I know it can't hurt me. If you decide to quit, let me know and maybe we can swap horror stories. I'm hoping to go my first 24 hrs today. So far it's only been 3 minutes... And counting. Good luck to you and yours