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#301
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![]() Rose76
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#302
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Not too bad, but feeling a little anxious about how many things I need to deal with ~get done. Last night specifically, but continuing on today I have that awful, lurking feeling I get when, if I don't "take charge" of some things NOW, I'm headed for a bad fall. So....taking a deep breath and trying to focus on one thing at a time.....
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![]() Rose76, turquoise4
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#303
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Oh, oh. I'm slippin'.
There I was doing real good, and over the past few hours I've come to realize that I'm not doing so hot. It seems I got to doing real good while my S.O. was away out of town. Since his return, I've seen my state of mind get less and less great. It may have nothing to do with him going, or coming back, and then again - it might. I wish I understood myself better. |
![]() Shadow-world, turquoise4, whimsygirl
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#304
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![]() Last edited by whimsygirl; Jul 25, 2012 at 08:57 PM. |
![]() dailyhealing, Rose76
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#305
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I'm doing ok. I had therapy, which always leaves me feeling emotionally raw, but tonight is not as bad as it is sometimes. Although, I have a headache. Again, not a horrible headache, just nagging discomfort.
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![]() Rose76
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#306
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I think that when my S.O. was off visiting family, I didn't worry so much about him because I knew his family was taking good care of him. Now that he is back at this other end of the country, where he has no one but me, I guess I feel like I am always fretting. He is kind of frail. We don't live together. We talk several times a day by phone. I am over to see him frequently.
I don't really feel depressed . . . not at all. I feel strained. I didn't realize how much I worry about him, until his welfare was safely in the hands of his adult children. After a few weeks of that, I felt like the weight of the world was off me. I didn't even know why I felt so good. Maybe this analysis is wrong. I don't begrudge feeling concerned about someone that I am so very fond of. Maybe it is a lot to carry. The relationship wasn't good enough for us to stay under one roof. So I arranged for us to have separate roofs. He seems content enough with that. He wasn't happy with us living together, either. But he knows that, if the least little thing goes wrong, I am right there . . . in the hospital or at his apartment . . . for as often and as long as needed. I used to think that the nice thing about not being married was that there never has to be a divorce. Instead, I agreed to an adoption, without even realizing that was what I was doing. For the next 49 weeks, his adult children won't have a care in the world with respect to him . . . other than the occasional phone call. Meanwhile, I'm afraid to travel anywhere distant . . . for fear of leaving him alone. What a stupid mess I made of my life. I sure wasn't the least bit clever. I must sound awful. |
![]() Shadow-world
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#307
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Doing bad again, got out of bed at about 1230pm, then went out for a bit, then got home at about 4pm and back to bed, then got up at about 6pm. I've just been flat and while I am depressed and having suicidal thoughts, I don't feel sad or anything.
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![]() Rose76, Turtleboy
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#308
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Feeling much better today
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![]() whimsygirl
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#309
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one step forward. . . two steps back
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![]() Rose76, whimsygirl
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#310
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On the roller-coaster of emotion again. Laughed pretty hard for the first time in a long time yesterday; but today, right back in the dumps. Depression sucks.
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![]() Rose76, whimsygirl
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#311
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Lay in bed this morning with negative thoughts running through my mind....once that starts there's no chance of going back to sleep. So sleep deprived. Ugh....
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![]() AngelWolf3, optimize990h, regretful, Rose76, Shadow-world
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#312
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Nothing much today but excited to get my the desktop computer that I ordered.
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#313
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Augh!!!! I hate it at work when I can't get my point across correctly and then I feel like such a stupid idiot. I know what I am supposed to do, I know what I am thinking, and yet when I try to communicate as such, it sounds like I don't have a grasp on the situation. Or maybe I am not being listened to? I don't know but it is hard enough being depressed and then feeling like a moron on top of it. *grrrrr*
Sorry for the quick rant. I needed a vent.
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![]() optimize990h, Rose76, whimsygirl
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#314
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Random negative thoughts at the back of my mind. tryin to distract them by making a list to do today.
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![]() AngelWolf3, Rose76, whimsygirl
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#315
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#316
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#317
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Negative thoughts compounding my depression. I sure wish that something would change.
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![]() CastlesInTheAir, whimsygirl
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#318
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somewhere in between
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Invictus it matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. William Ernest Henley |
#319
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I fought hard this week to have my points / thoughts heard ... after a lot of effort, i think i may have finally gotten through to someone. Whew. Such a relief.
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![]() whimsygirl
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#320
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I'm glad you were able to do that Rose!
As far as my check in, I feel better today, just kinda distant
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#321
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Woke up (too early) in a bad way. Completely exhausted, bad headache, and dreading the day, but with so many things to get done. Hate this demon.....
Last edited by whimsygirl; Jul 27, 2012 at 10:08 AM. |
![]() regretful, Rose76
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#322
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feeling mega up and mega down at the same time (i mean whats wrong with me?)
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement . But the opposite of profound truth maybe another profound truth. (Niels Bohr) Nobel Prize Winner for Physics. The universe started with an 'E'. The universe will end with a 'K'. (lyrics Acid House) Its the truth even if it did not happen. (Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Real science can be far stranger than science fiction and much more satisfying.
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#323
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Doing almost nothing.
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![]() regretful
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#324
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slept good hopefully sleep med hangover won't come this evening, so I won't need sleep med tonight. 4 good sleeps this week, but with sleep med
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#325
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my food intake is non-stop and uncontrollable and my weight is too high- i keep obsessing about it- i feel so awful
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![]() optimize990h
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