[forgivexforget]

Lately I've been feeling worse than I usually do. I was doing good, hanging with friends, happy, and outgoing, but recently, about a few days ago, I've been feeling terrible. I've felt it before many times and it is not fun. It's just like this numb, empty feeling and I don't like it. I used to, I used to love it, but now not so much.

It's making my mind wander to stupid places. I have urges to hurt myself, do drugs, or drink. The urges to hurt myself though are very strong, and I don't know how long I'll be able to handle it.

What's not helping my depression is this stupid child support case going on with my parents even though I am 19. Apparently if my parents are divorced and I go to college, they have to pay for some of it. And if I'm living with them, then one of them has to pay child support. Long story short, I just feel like a sack of money to them. I live with my mom, but I'm staying with my dad at the moment, and I feel like they're trying to tear me away from the other just for money, and it's not a good feeling. I ended up crying for hours last night because of it.

I'm surprised I was even able to type this. I keep zoning out and not wanting to come back to reality, even though I hate the feeling. It's weird, I don't know. I just don't feel good emotionally.

[mrmag]

im sory this is going on id try to give u advice but i dont think i can maby u should talk to thum and tell thum how u feel abought this good luck and i hope this wont tare u apart from your family

[Rohag]

Wow, Forgivexforget.

Originally Posted by forgivexforget

What's not helping my depression is this stupid child support case...

Uh...yes; "not helping" your depression is a gross understatement.

Particularly as this situation is sending your mind to dark places, I heartily agree with Mrmag and suggest you inform your parents - or anyone whom you trust - how this is affecting you.

Your safety comes before your parents' convenience.

As your strength permits, please keep posting.

[optimize990h]

PC ppl will be helpful. take care. everyone at PC helps.

[dailyhealing]

I'm glad you shared this on here, but sorry you are feeling so bad. It must not feel good to have your parents treating you that way. I hope you are able to fight those urges to do things that are hurtful to yourself, and I hope you keep posting.
Take care of yourself as best you can.

[forgivexforget]

When I see my mom again I'll try to express how I feel, but it's very unlikely that she'll listen. She only sees it as my father trying to hurt her with all of this. My dad would just tell me that it's for the best that I live with him because all my mom is trying to do is get money out of him, and if I stay with him then the money would most likely go to me. Sure, that's a nice offer, but again, it's just all about money. It's hard for me to open up to my parents, let alone my father. It could take some time for me to even express that I'm upset to him. My mom knows when I'm angry, but not when I'm unhappy. I don't know, that's just an emotion I don't like sharing.

However, I will try my best to somehow let them know how I feel. This whole situation is complicated.

As for the other part, I'm usually fine during the day. Like now, I'm normal, not exactly bouncing off the walls happy, but I'm pretty content. I'm just not looking forward to tonight, when I know the feeling will come back.

Rohag - Your signature made me smile, I love it! Now I think I will go to my mom's tonight just to see my dog, lol. She makes everything better for me.