icing on the cake

I have been down -like really down and barely functioning as of this weekend, really.

I sign on to FB and see that my ex got married over the weekend. Icing on the cake.

I didn't even think I'd be able to make it through the day BEFORE I saw the pictures, but now....wow. It's all I can do to stay standing upright.

Not sure how to handle the rest of the day, let alone get any work done. Killer is, I'm already behind with my projects at work...well according to my standards anyhow.

I'm sorry to hear that is contributing to your depression. I kind of know where you are coming from; my wife had an internet affair last year, and it really bowled me over, stopped me from doing all I needed to, and was a major set-back in my life. A year later (now), I am still feeling the effects...I get through each day by doing the best that I can with the resources that I have. I don't have any contact with the other person, am still married (mostly happily)...and I refuse to let someone else's actions dictate my moods...my depression is realted to what I've done in my life. If I view it that way, then maybe I have a chance to conquer it. If I blame it on someone else, then maybe I will continue in this downward spiral...not sure if that makes sense. I do hope it helps in some way. I'm so sorry that you've seen those pictures and that they impacted you in such a terrible way.

I'm so sorry you had to go through seeing this, and the pictures....omg I can only imagine what that would be like. Sending warm thoughts and lots of hugs your way.....

ps....And I'm also really sorry you've been so down in general. I am completely relating, as yesterday was the worst day for me in quite a while, and today is not starting out much better. I hope that some bit of comfort comes your way as soon as possible....

Thx guys. How do I get thro the evening alone?

You made it through the day...take it one minute at a time if you have to. That's what I'm doing today. With the never ending stress of a 24/7 business and absolutely no joy in my life other than spending time with my son, I am at the "minute by minute" phase. I'm talking with supportive people (I have a good friend out west that I phone), and I'm not looking too far forward or back. Keep holding on and find support on these forums.

Don't know that this will help, but I will hold you in my thoughts tonight. Wish I could do more.....

I agree with whimsygirl's post.

Focus on the NOW. Right this second.

Sad, bad, or scary thoughts may enter your mind from time to time. But, imagine that you are sitting beside a creek. That creek represents your life right now. You are right there, watching your thoughts and emotions go by ~ you aren't focusing on any issues in particular. You're just watching these things float up in front and then down the creek. You are safe.

There are some rocks in that creek bed. Some big, causing a lapping sound around it. Other rocks are soft little pebbles. Smooth ~ the water goes over those pebbles almost silently. Just a soft and relaxing arrrrrr sound as the water goes over the small pebbles.

Can you smell that fresh air? I smell pine trees. Not an overwhelming smell, just subtle. Can you feel the cool mist off the stream as it passes? So relaxing, comforting, and peaceful. You could take a drink of this cool, clear, crystal-like water. It's refreshing!

I hope that the image I described is as peaceful and relaxing for you as it is for me! Hold onto a soft and smooth rock as you imagine that creek (or brook) again. You can take the imagination farther. Doing techniques like the one above does lower the stress level significantly, especially the more often that you do it. This exercise can be performed alone or in a crowd of people ~ at work, home, or on a bus. It really does help!

I hope that you give my tip a try & you have some decent success with it. I aim high in self-expectations as well.

This is the coolest thing! I just recently started working with a licensed Clinical Hypnotherapist ~Counselor. (A very kind woman, I might add.) Actually we have not begun the hypnosis part yet (that will be happening a little later on today), but she gave me a CD to listen to daily, and it COMPLETELY mirrors your thoughts and words here. By chance is hypnosis something you have experienced? Just curious.....

see if chat room here at PC will help. sometimes I multitask and hang on the wall of the chat room if there's a lot of chattin'. u can have a private chat too if u feel the need to chat. just ask one of us in the chat room if u don't no how

Thanks for that visualization. I tried it and it almost put me to sleep. Idk if I can do it at work or if I am in a tough spot ( on the spot ) but I'm willing to try. I'm a visual person too so that helps.

I actually just tried to be in the moment. I walked the dogs which is a big deal for me...I try and do that once a day or they are really wound up. I also went shopping for bras- I put on a little weight and need them. So I got some great new colors and did something to get out of the house and for myself. I feel pretty good considering.

I did call my mom and dad...dad listened and was supportive..mom was all mad and bitter at my ex. Not exactly what I needed to hear. Whatever. Im just sad to see how happy he is. It's not fair, but then again I know life isn't fair. She's living the life I always wanted- with him. I gotta stop or else I'll start crying again, which is what I've been doing every night for a while now.

One more day and then the holiday off. I was going to go to my parents house overnight and watch fireworks. Now I don't wanna go. Should I, or just do my own thing. Idk

I did make an appt with my pdoc for sat, well the nurse practitioner....so maybe she can help somehow. Although I'm not sure how.

So I want to try chat but I upgraded from my laptop to an iPad and I can't seem to load the chat window- any suggestions?

No, I haven't ever gone through hypnosis. The calming technique that I referred to is called Mindfulness.

I couldn't bring up the helpful link tonight, dbtselfhelp.com, for some reason. However, I did find a pretty decent description in About.com:

"The practice of mindfulness can bring many benefits to your emotional and physical health, as well as to the relationships in your life. Mindfulness is an amazing tool for stress management and overall wellness because it can be used at virtually any time and can quickly bring lasting results. The following mindfulness exercises are simple and convenient, and can lead you to a deeper experience of mindfulness in your daily life.
Mindfulness Exercise #1: Meditation

Meditation brings many benefits in its own right, and has been one of the most popular and traditional ways to achieve mindfulness for centuries, so it tops the list of mindfulness exercises. Meditation becomes easier with practice, but it need not be difficult for beginners. Simply find a comfortable place, free of distractions, and quiet your mind. (See this article for more meditation techniques, or this one for a basic meditation for beginners.)
Mindfulness Exercise #2: Deep Breathing

That’s right: mindfulness can be as simple as breathing! Seriously, though, one of the most simple ways to experience mindfulness, which can be done as you go about your daily activities (convenient for those who feel they don’t have time to meditate), is to focus on your breathing. Breathe from your belly rather than from your chest, and try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focusing on the sound and rhythm of your breath, especially when you’re upset, can have a calming effect and help you stay grounded in the present moment. (See this article for more on breathing exercises.)
Mindfulness Exercise #3: Listening to Music

Listening to music has many benefits — so many, in fact, that music is being used therapeutically in a new branch of complimentary medicine known as music therapy. That’s part of why listening to music makes a great mindfulness exercise. You can play soothing new-age music, classical music, or another type of slow-tempo music to feel calming effects, and make it an exercise in mindfulness by really focusing on the sound and vibration of each note, the feelings that the music brings up within you, and other sensations that are happening "right now" as you listen. If other thoughts creep into your head, congratulate yourself for noticing, and gently bring your attention back to the current moment and the music you are hearing.
Mindfulness Exercise #4: Cleaning House

The term "cleaning house" has a literal meaning (cleaning up your actual house) as well as a figurative one (getting rid of "emotional baggage," letting go of things that non longer serve you), and both can be great stress relievers! Because clutter has several hidden costs and can be a subtle but significant stressor, cleaning house and de-cluttering as a mindfulness exercise can bring lasting benefits. To bring mindfulness to cleaning, you first need to view it as a positive event, an exercise in self-understanding and stress relief, rather than simply as a chore. Then, as you clean, focus on what you are doing as you are doing it — and nothing else. Feel the warm, soapy water on your hands as you wash dishes; experience the vibrations of the vacuum cleaner as you cover the area of the floor; enjoy the warmth of the laundry as you fold it; feel the freedom of letting go of unneeded objects as you put them in the donations bag. It may sound a little silly as you read it here, but if you approach cleaning as an exercise in mindfulness, it can become one. (I also recommend adding music to the equation.)
Mindfulness Exercise #5: Observing Your Thoughts

Many stressed and busy people find it difficult to stop focusing on the rapid stream of thoughts running through their mind, and the idea of sitting in meditation and holding off the onslaught of thought can actually cause more stress! If this sounds like you, the mindfulness exercise of observing your thoughts might be for you. Rather than working against the voice in your head, you sit back and "observe" your thoughts, rather than becoming involved in them. As you observe them, you might find your mind quieting, and the thoughts becoming less stressful. (If not, you may benefit from journaling as a way of processing all those thoughts so you can decrease their intensity and try again.)
Mindfulness Exercise #6: Create Your Own!

You are probably now getting the idea that virtually any activity can be a mindfulness exercise, and in a way, you’re right. It helps to practice meditation or another exercise that really focuses on mindfulness, but you can bring mindfulness to anything you do, and find yourself less stressed and more grounded in the process."

Best wishes to you in hypnotherapy ~ I hope that it works well for you!