New to this site but not new to depression

So from an early age I suffered with depression and tried to take my own life when I was a child, my upbringing wasn't the worst but there was some angry and voilent times and a lot I don't remember as I blocked it out and do not wish to revisit. When I tried to do that at an early age my mom didn't give me a hug or any sympathy she just said you don't know what depression is though I remember saving her life by calling someone to say there was something wrong with her when she overdosed because she thought my dad was cheating on her. I 'm the oldest of five and have been expected to be the strong one. I have since had depression a couple of times and severe depression once when I couldn't even function properly. I decided after that last time when I had severe depression that I would not let myself go through that again and that I would be strong no matter what. I lasted about 4 years and now I'm starting to feel that way again. My two brother's and one sister all still live at my parents and get spoiled though they smoke drugs which I don't and do not work which I do though I am a single mom. I do not get any sympathy for feeling down, my mom's favourite sayings being I've had it worse or there are people worse off. I have done so well for so long but recently with trying to cope as a single mom, keep up with a challenging job as a secretary to a boss who isn't the nicest and housework etc on top of my ex - daughter's father using me for sex and me allowing it, thinking something more would come of it (and yes he made me believe this) I'm starting to feel the pressure build up, I'm drinking more, don't want to spend time with my daughter, don't want to socialise. My life is crap, it has never been easy but I'm trying so hard, I just don't think I can keep it up much longer, everyone around me is so selfish I don't bother complaining too much because they can't comprehend how another person's life is harder than their's and that includes my friends yet I am completely different, if someone is upset or needs me I am there for them without thinking about myself. Can anyone give any foresight into how I can go on please?

First, it sounds like you've allowed your ex to beat your self-esteem into nothing. You've GOT to stop allowing him to use you for sex. Tell him NO MORE. I don't know how old your daughter, is but tell him he can see his daughter but THAT'S IT. No more "freebies." And MAKE HIM keep up the child support if she is a minor!!! If he doesn't then take him to court.

Secondly, I know that jobs are extremely hard to find, but your boss shouldn't be treating you badly either. If you feel he's being cruel, then try to find another job BEFORE you quit this one. Look for jobs on your lunch hour or something, or apply online. With your experience, you should be able to find one.

Third, you REALLY need to see a therapist. This depression has been coming and going for years, and it has been serious. You can't keep livng like this. Either see a therapist, or talk to your doctor about getting on an antidepressant. Either way, you need some sort of treatment. Depression is a serious illness and since you've suffered with it since you were a child (me too) it's obvious it's not going to go away. So make an appointment soon! I wish you the very best!

Let us know how things turn out. Hugs, Lee

Hello & Welcome, Mazzycat!
Those may be related. In fact, your "childhood" may be intruding into your present. But these are issues best left for a professional.

Consider what Leed has said. Try to figure out what you really need and want -- not an easy task when one is so focused on others and their needs.

Here your complaints are welcome.

I have had depression for quite some time. Begin by talking to someone. I'll listen.

Dear mazzycat,

Hats off to you for being a working single mom. God knows that is HARD. Is it safe for your "x" to watch your daughter for an evening or weekend, or one of your siblings? It sounds like you put one foot in front of the other very well but you may just need some "me" time. Think of activities that would refresh you, choose one and just do it. It's not selfish - it's healthy. Love your neighbor as yourself. It's OK to love yourself. You deserve it just as much as everyone else deserves your love. Figuring out small ways every day to love yourself might help. Blessings, grace, and peace.
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