:( :(

Haven't slept well in the last two days. Yesterday I got deeply disturbed by something, and it triggered this terrible depressive feelings. All my good energy is gone, I'm mentally tired, physically sleepy, head ached, and beyond all these, I am feeling so alone...

It isn't the first time I feel lonely, have gone through it so many times, thought I had gotten a way of handling it, but now I see I not at all have a clue. It still hits me hard each time...

Not that I don't have friends around me, not that I don't have my significant one... but sometimes the feeling of being alone still comes to me, and it just comes so unexpectedly, jeeze, it really sucks...

Telling myself to hold on, bear it no matter what... But it is just hard... I'm feeling like maybe it's better to sleep it off, but there is this terrible stiffness around my neck troubles my sleeping...

Feel so hard to be awake at time like this. Wanna to find a quicker way to get over it, but the point is what is the way? But ironically, I actually am BEARING it when I feel I can't, right??

When time like this, I also feel like the whole world is against me, nobody really likes me, I am of no value of any sort... I wonder if everybody goes through time like this, and how do you handle it? If two lonely people stay together, doesn't it mean no one will be lonely any more??

I'm just feeling terribly terrible... ... Sorry for the whinning...

Thanks for listening...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!!

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

Hi ((((Toni)))): Tis very good to see you post, although I feel badly that you are hurting. You are very strong to endure these times - it is inspiring to me. Holiday time can really bring on those feelings you describe - it WILL get better, but, dang it, I wish it would hurry up, eh? Warmest regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

{{{{{{{{Toni}}}}}}}}}}}

Glad to see you here again.

At least you do realize that those feelings are temporary, but it still hurts badly and messes up your thoughts, doesn't it?

I think you can be lonely no matter how many other people are around you. It's something within yourself that needs to be analyzed and worked through. It would be wonderful if no one felt that emptiness anymore.

Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that this passes soon for you................

Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{{{{{Toni}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hello there hun...it is good to see you here but I feel bad that you are hurting. Please know and remember that it will pass. You know how it feels to have that good energy....keep thinking how it made you feel and it will come back to you soon. Positive thinking works wonders.

I hope that you have a wonderful Holiday season. Are you off work during the holidays? Maybe take some special time for you and take care of yourself.

Keep posting to us too here hun....you are not alone and are so loved and cared for.


Heather

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Toni}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It's good to see you here again, but I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I do know what you mean, you describe those horrible feelings so well.

I have been missing you around here hon, and I hope that this passes for you soon.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Toni}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Fuzzy

((((((((((((((((((((Toni))))))))))))))))))))))

forgoten

Toni hope you start feeling better. You got points right on my top ten list: My two current biggest problems are my anxiety about work and how lonely and abandoned I've been feeling lately.

So here's to healing a hurt heart:

I used to have no problem being alone. I had a lot of friends and I enjoyed being with them. I never had someone "significant" in my life but that never bothered me because I always thought the time would come when it was right.

In my growing depression I began to really feel lonely and as if I'll never have someone special in my life. I am getting older with growing medical problems so I don't even feel as if I can enjoy things anymore because of the physical pain.

When I came out of the hospital I felt that lonliness very strongly but at least I made contact with all my friends, who promised to be supportive and help me with both the stress I've been under and with physical things that I need help with. Over the last several months it seems I have "worn out my welcome" or something because no one visits anymore (worse, they make promises to visit on a certain day and then don't show up, no call, no excuse, nothing!) and I couldn't even get someone to shovel my snow last week so I was stuck in the house.

I'm fighting the depression SO HARD and getting through each day is a chore but I still feel angry and sad about not having ANYONE around, no friends, no family, no one to help or just be with me a few hours so that I am not alone all day, every day. I've been out to support groups and that has helped but that doesn't make up for my loss of trust in people. I'm not expecting any visits, calls or gifts for the holidays or my birthday; I didn't get any last year. Everyone keeps saying they are so proud of how strong I've been and that they are thinking of me all the time. It stabs me everytime they say that, "thinking of me" yea, as long as it requires ZERO effort as would calling or visiting.

Now I'm the one who is whining again. Just trying to make it through. My only advice is to keep posting here and hang on to whatever floatation devices you find available.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing me a so heartful reply. You seemed in an even harder situation, but you do sound much stronger. I hope you will feel better each day, really... (((((((((dave)))))))))

Woke up this morning, felt like shiiit... Haven't felt this way for a long time since I thought I got over with depression. My work has been giving me a lot of stress, although I will say I enjoy my work, but I guess the pressure just has been accumulating in a subtle way...

Normally when I see a sunshine day like today, I'd feel so happy like the world is mine. But I am not feeling it at all, now

Besides work, I am dealing with a problem with a new friend here. It's actually not necessarily a problem, I guess it's rather sort of confusion. I hate confusion, but when it comes to friendship, what can I say, I just need to be more patient, right?

Some of my friends knew I had depression. During the whole combat, I think I've actually fought alone. I don't think non-depressive people could ever understand this damn thing, not mentioning extending some help in a really effective way. I just think we can't count on other people to come to us and rescure us... It should first start from ourselves, from a willingness of getting better...

.........

As for now, I don't know how I am gonna to feel tomorrow. You know I have promised myself that I would never get back to depression again, but right now, I am feeling so terrible just like how it was before...

But, have to admit that when I read all your guys replies, it really brought me warmth... Thank you so much.

Dave, nice meeting you. Hope we all do better...

((((((((hugs again))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

Hi Heather,

How have you been?

Guess you are right, that it's better to take more time for rest... Hopefully sometime next week...

((((((((((heather)))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

Peanut,

I don't know why when I am depressed, I hate daytime or sunshine days. I feel THE WORST when I wake up in the morning and see the brightness. Can't help to have suicidal thoughts... But this time situation is better than before, so I think I wouldn't do such thing for real.....

Just want to wait to the evening, when it's much quieter, then I will have some music on, keep only very dim light in my rooms... have a talk with God, say my prayers... that's aboout the nicest thing I can imagine...

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

Mary A
Thanks for the words. Just how much I hope this IS for temporary... Can't think of going back to depression again... I am really kinda scared of those horrible feelings... OHHH.....

Forgotten,
Thanks for the hugs.....


Fuzza,
How are you doing? Also thank you for your good thoughts, you are as wonderful as always...

(((((((((Hugs for all))))))))))))

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

It seems these things come and go in cycles. I wonder if it is related to the animals need to hibernate, driven into their dens and caves to sleep away the long winter nights in relative safety.

If there is any comfort in knowing you are not alone in the days of suffering, let it be so. Too many of us bear this crazy burdon. Be heartened that we mostly pass this way, perhaps repeatedly, but do move on to the return of better days.

My son, who was in Japan and now returned, thinks there is a bit of the shaman in the mentally ill person. Maybe he is right. We need to learn to find some value. Precious metals come from the dirt.

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

well, I definitely agree with that!