Updates

So I've begun seeing a therapist. It's helping a little bit to have someone to talk to, but I can't shake the buzzing in the back of my head that tells me this therapist is just someone else trying to do a job and make money. The only difference between me and her is I sell electronics and she sells advice. Does that make sense?

Work is super depressing.. I work nights in a bright, loud environment and the sensory overload is literally ruining my life. I have prescriptions for Xanax, Lunesta AND Trazodone and as I cannot for the life of me get to sleep on my own I have been switching back and forth between combinations of the three and have just been in this fog for months and I don't know how much more I can take.

I feel like no one is on my side. I deal with every drunk lunatic on the planet at work because I work in Midtown Manhattan until at least midnight five nights per week (my store is 24-7), and my manager just gets annoyed with me when someone comes in and starts giving me a hard time. Last night a guy came in screaming and yelling about his computer and I was literally scared of him, and I was made out to feel like a worthless piece of ***** because I needed managerial assistance to deal with him.

I'm trying to get on a daytime schedule but I don't know if that's going to happen any time soon.

I never get to see my friends outside of work.. and who knows if they're really my friends anyway. I'm so miserable all the time I get the feeling people only call on me when they have nothing else to do.

I'm still single.. no one ever likes me except for creeps and losers.. I'm starting to think maybe I'm a creep / loser myself and no one wants to tell me. I see couples shopping at the grocery store all the time and I'm like.. how did they meet and start talking? I don't even know how this stuff works.. I'm 32.. it's pathetic. Every time I go buy sandwich rolls or bananas or something I end up wanting to bury my head in a hole.

I feel like I'm going to be running in place for the rest of my life.

Bless your heart -- things aren't really that hopeless my friend. Your job certainly doesn't help things since you work nights. That makes it hard to have any kind of a social life. If there is ANY way to switch shifts with another fellow employee, give it a try. Ask around, and see if you can find someone who is willing.

I'm sure you're NOT a creep/loner. LOL It's just your work schedule is keeping you away from the "scene." It's hard to meet anyone when you're working the night shift. When you get off work, you're thinking of going to bed, while everyone else is just getting up and getting ready to go to work! Makes it hard to get to know anyone. Unless you can get on another schedule, I'd be looking for another job where you can get on the day shift like other people work so you can mix in with others at night!

Best of luck and please take care. You're NOT a loser -- you're fine just as you are! God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee