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#1
Aug 29, 2012, 10:38 PM
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after all this... life just cannot get better. It can't. I am alone. I always will be alone. they left me here. they are leaving me here. they hate me. I know they hate me. they tell me that they hate me. I can't stand this. I am tired. I don't want a future anymore. I don't want family. I have no friends anymore. I don't want to grow older. The only thing left for me is suffering. and I deserve it. I am outcast from both God and mankind. forsaken. i am not going to kill myself... that is too good for me and far too meaningless. there is no difference between life and death. they are watching me to closely.. i hate all of this. they know it. they hate it. I am nothing. I have been nothing. I will be nothing. everything is already decided. I just want to be alone forever. I want to collapse into a tiny ball and hide forever. eternity is so cruel. i hate that too. my fate. i can do nothing but smile and weep at this. smile, they'll never know... they want me to die. they don't know how close they are to getting their wish... I won't die yet... not yet... i hate existence of any form. it is all evil. what have I done. I deserve this. I will be eternally punished.
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 adel34, alone in the world, Anonymous32894, dailyhealing, pooh_ac, RS123, vintyg, wpony
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#2
Aug 29, 2012, 11:58 PM
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Well, there are obviously a lot more issues going on than I can address. And truthfully it is kind of hard to understand everything you are saying... But what I can tell is that you are suffering terribly, and that makes me sad. I know you say you are doomed to a life of unhappiness and that you even deserve that. I think that's what youare saying... You also refer to "they" several times. I don't know who "they" are.
And perhaps you don't want to hear this, but I believe life can get better. And I definitely believe that nobody deserves to suffer. I believe you deserve love and compassion. I hope you will keep posting!
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dailyhealing "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan “If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
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#3
Aug 30, 2012, 12:02 AM
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As hard as all this is on you, its just as hard on the people around you. They might just be venting their frustrations. Im sure no one wants you to die. I comend you for posting and getting your feelings out. Its really hard, life is never easy!
Have you thought about counseling for you and the people around you. They have support groups that help "caregivers" and people around to help cope with whats going on. Just a thought Stay strong |
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#4
Aug 30, 2012, 05:02 AM
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Hi Deathlyones, you ask why? I can just tell you my expierence. Depression is a illness. You can get better, I have. Im not sure whats going on in your life but can relate to alot of what your saying. They put on meds and got therapy found this website and things have gotten better for me. Things can and will get better, even if you dont believe this right now, I believe for you for now.
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#5
Aug 30, 2012, 08:00 PM
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its cuz im crazy. i can't make sense. no one canunderstand this. i'm not worth iy. i should die for that alone. i am ill. nothing changes that... I would kill everyone in this world before see a pdoc or take meds.. nothing ever gets better. they want me to die... they told me. everyone.. they all hate me. i don't want them near me. leave me alone. nothing is good. why am i still here... they all ask me. i must suffer... bleed out. i hate it. the'll notice. tired of being watched. i'm tired. no future. can't survive anywys. shouuld be dead. they want me dead. go away. i hate this. on't want to live... all is meaningless. i looked at all achievement and saw it was meaningless. in the place of justice there was wickedness. th ere is notyhing here. losing nmy memory. I deserve no compassion, no pity, no nothing! i am proven unlovable... my fate is suffering... im not making sense...
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| adel34, jelly-bean, pooh_ac
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#6
Aug 30, 2012, 09:27 PM
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(Hugs from Layla)
Last edited by layla11; Aug 30, 2012 at 09:59 PM. |
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#7
Sep 01, 2012, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
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#8
Sep 02, 2012, 08:47 AM
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Quote:
it encapsulates the intense emotional brutality within and the success the subtle transformation the delicate self love that is just... unbeatable in this tragic existence thankyou. DM  and if you want to know why?...why all the suffering? it's just a test.....cruel...life has always been cruel keep breathing 
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#9
Sep 02, 2012, 09:55 AM
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So sorry you are going through this... I have a hard time remembering that I have depression, I am not my depression... It is a disorder but when you are dealing with it, you don't care about all of that.
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#10
Sep 02, 2012, 10:54 PM
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...I am so glad that my suffering is so inspiring...
 And I also sometimes fall ignorant of my situation, but not for too long... My spirit is just so crushed by this weight that it just wants to be finished off... I just sometimes wish I could just be crushed...
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#11
Sep 03, 2012, 09:49 PM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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