[Turtleboy]

Hi i just wanted to know if anybody out there share's my story or has some knowledge to help my situation.

This is my first real thread and i don't like sharing personal information but i'm at my wits end...

It started a couple of years ago, basically it ended up with me in hospital and diagnosed with severe depression, psychosis and anxiety. I've been on meds since and they helped me greatly.

The problem is really my feelings towards my family. when i was diagnosed my sister (textbook Narcissistic Personality Disorder) decided to get her fix by making my diagnosis about her. She made up incredible lies about my behavior and turned my whole family against me. now i'm the outcast and feel i have nowhere to turn for help now that me depression has returned.

I feel so lost, i have a wonderful partner but i hide my feelings from her because of how i hurt her when i wound up in hospital (the guilt still eats me alive)

Can anybody out there help or even relate?
my feelings have returned after a long stint of "normality" i've tried so many times to reconnect with my family but every time i do one of them attacks me in the most awful way,

Maybe i need my med's upped, i'm just so unsure, i hate feeling like this i don't know what to do, sorry for the long post and thank you so much just for reading.

((hugs))

[Dontfeellikeme]

Understsnd how hard it Is to share with your partner. I tell mine something's but not all. I don't want whatever it is up with me to take my relationship too. Hugs hun. You know where I am

[Turtleboy]

yeah i feel the same, and i dont want to burden her with any more of my problems, thank god for this place, but the thought of saying all this personal stuff makes me feel very exposed, i feel sick to my stomach,

[Kingsley85]

I've had relapses, sometime the medication stops working and other times it's just an increase in external stressors. Are you seeing a therapist? A therapist might help you figure out how to deal with your family. I've been hospitalized after a suicide attempt. Pretty much as soon as I got out of the hospital my wife told me how much I hurt her and told me she wanted to get divorced. We have been divorced since last year, it still hurts thinking about what happened. So hopefully my short story makes you feel less alone. Hospital stays are really traumatic for everyone. I think sharing how you're feeling with your partner is very important. She probably knows something is going on anyways. I learned you have to include your partner into your care otherwise they can get really hurt. Before I was in he hospital I had couples therapy with my wife which helped me explain to her what was going on with me and the therapist was very helpful for my wife in understanding how to cope with my depression. Hope this helps, try not to think of your illness as a burden.

[Turtleboy]

Thank you so much for sharing, your story brings me a lot of comfort, and no i have no therapist, i keep begging to get sent to one, but they wont give me one (i think it's because of the psychosis dx) maybe i should sit down and talk to my partner and tell her how i'm feeling, maybe it would help, i'm just worried on putting too much stress on her.
thank you so much for answering you story really made me feel less alone.

[Kingsley85]

Yeah, I think if your partner has stuck with you through a hospital stay she is really committed to helping you. I think if you can just say "here's what's going on with me" she might be really understanding. That way she doesn't feel like you arnt feeling well because of her it's just other issues that are going on with you. You might call a therapist yourself and ask them if they would see you given your diagnosis. I've been told things by psychologists that other psychologists didn't agree with. So there are different opinions out there regarding therapy.

If talking about this stuff with your partner makes you feel sick or too nervous writing a letter and holding her hand while she reads it might work.

[Dontfeellikeme]

You should be offered therapy tho according to treatment guidelines as well as meds you know. I would ask again, most GPs have an in house Cbt therapist here. If they can't help you then they refer you to a link worker. That's what happened with me

[Turtleboy]

well you are both right, i should get a T but i live in a TINY town and there really are no options, i have a GP appointment next week i might see if he changed his mind. as far as my partner goes, i never thought she would think its because of her i felt bad thanks for the insight, i dont feel she would reject me for my feelings she is very supportive i just dont want her to think i will end up in hospital again ya know?

[Dontfeellikeme]

You gonna get some help this week right? You can do it xx

[Kingsley85]

You have very real and accurate worries, turtleboy. I hope you can talk to someone about all this. If seeing a therapist isn't an option you might consider seeing a minister or whatever depending on rather or not you are spiritually inclined. I know some people who get spiritual support and it helps them. I don't think that it would help me because I'm not religious but I just thought I would throw that out there just as an option.

Make sure you tell your doctor that you are worried about ending up in the hospital. Hopefully if he understands what you are going through he will help you more.

[Turtleboy]

thanks for the suggestion, i wouldn't be a spiritual person really it's not my thing, i'm sure when i talk to my GP he will do something. I have no intention of doing anything stupid so don't worry about that i am just concerned my partner will think that's where it's headed again ya know?

[Kingsley85]

I understand, I worry about ending up back in the hospital too. I don't know if you ever get a feeling of doom or that something bad is about to happen but I get that sometimes and my therapist says thats from anxiety. But like you said it doesn't mean I'm planning on doing anything. I hope your next appointment goes better!

[Turtleboy]

Thanks guys for your concern and advice, i'm going to talk to my Doctor and see if we can't figure this out, it probably is just the anxiety

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

Don't wrestle with pigs, you both get dirty and the pig loves it

Perfect!

Once upon a time, a family member who exhibited "destructive narcissistic patterns" attempted to drive a wedge between me and others. They were only partly successful, both due to their own instability and to my documentation efforts. That series of incidents occurred before the onset of the depression that has taken me out of the mainstream of life. I do not believe I would now have the strength to sustain defensive efforts against a similar assault on my relationships. Damage remains, but is long irrelevant.

You can only do so much, Turtleboy, and your closest, your "real" family is most important.

[Turtleboy]

Thank You Rohag those are wise and kind words