[Emptty]

I'm in physical pain because of my depression. It hurts to move... to breathe. I have a consistant depressed mood but every so often I'm hit with an overwhelming wave of despair and sadness. When the sadness hits, all I can do is cry and cry and cry. I had to leave work early today because I was so exhausted and I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills come the end of october because I've needed so many mental health days. I barely got by this month. Foods ****in expensive and I'm so depressed that all I want to do is eat and cry and sleep. I feel lonely... the loneliness is killing me and the pain is unbearable. I tried to distract myself with porn but I'm left feeling more depressed when I'm done watching than I did when I started. I know this wave will eventually go over me but there will still be the daily depression. There will still be the daily struggle. I'll still be alone in life and overwhelmed by the world around me. Sometimes I wish I wasn't alive. My joints and head ache. I just wanna sleep but I can't sleep.

[tigerlily84]

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much. I wish I was able to help you and take those feelings away. I am also hurting. Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Keep posting, and if you are in T then you should call him/her when you are able.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. Therapy would be ideal, but since you're already having money problems that wouldn't be feasible. So the next best thing would be to talk to your medical doctor. See about gettiing on an antidepressant. He might even give you samples to take so you wouldn't have to buy them because some are very expensive. Tell your doc about your financial state -- dont be proud. Tell him you can't afford the pills and ask him about samples! If you don't ask, he won't know. Ok?

But you definitely NEED an antidepressant badly!!! You don't have to suffer like this anymore. Do this as soon as you can so you can get started on the medication. Sometimes they take awhile to start working, so call soon. God bless and PLEASE take care. I'm worried about you. Let me know what happens, will you? Hugs, Lee

[layla11]

I really feel for you emptty, Ive been there. I was the same way a couple months ago. Like Leed said can you get to a doctor? I had a lot of pain also with my depression, wasn't sleeping. I was waking up all night long. It was miserable. I feel better now and hope you will to. Is there someone in your house or a relative you can turn to, to try and help you get to a doctor? If not your county hospital will help you.

[Emptty]

I have a T who's been saying medications would help for a long time. I'm not on my own insurance, it's my fathers and he stops payment on psychiatrists because he 'doesnt believe in them'. The last one left me with a lot of stress and a big bill which luckily got smaller when I talked to the psychiatrist. So I can't get medication but I do want to and I have tried as much as I can I'm just still tied up with family health insurance and a controlling father.

No stable relatives to talk to but I have been talking to my T who has been available a lot to help me.
It's nice to know I'm not alone... but I can't imagine getting through this and I can't imagine it ending.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Emptty

I have a T who's been saying medications would help for a long time. I'm not on my own insurance, it's my fathers and he stops payment on psychiatrists because he 'doesnt believe in them'. The last one left me with a lot of stress and a big bill which luckily got smaller when I talked to the psychiatrist. So I can't get medication but I do want to and I have tried as much as I can I'm just still tied up with family health insurance and a controlling father.

No stable relatives to talk to but I have been talking to my T who has been available a lot to help me.
It's nice to know I'm not alone... but I can't imagine getting through this and I can't imagine it ending.

It's unfortunate that your father feels that way about psychiatrists. Forgive me for saying so, but you need to look out for your own interests. Do you have a job, or access to your own money? If so, then perhaps your T can recommend a pDoc that you can see who works on a sliding scale. Or, you can tell your dad that you will pay for the pdoc using the insurance, that way he won't have to. Either way. I really hope that you figure out a way to see one, because IMHO it sounds like you need it. Good luck to you, and let us know how it goes!

[Emptty]

I have money for copays and all, I work but I cannot afford to pay a psychiatrist fee and for medication out of pocket. My father stops payment on the insurance - that's what the problem is, he contacts them and claims no one went to the pdoc so the insurance doesn't pay out. It's ridiculous because it won't hurt my father in any way to let the insurance company pay, that's what they're there for. D

I know I need medication... I can't find any government programs that will help pay for already-insured adults. Not like thered be any reason to... considering my insurance is full coverage

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Emptty

I have money for copays and all, I work but I cannot afford to pay a psychiatrist fee and for medication out of pocket. My father stops payment on the insurance - that's what the problem is, he contacts them and claims no one went to the pdoc so the insurance doesn't pay out. It's ridiculous because it won't hurt my father in any way to let the insurance company pay, that's what they're there for. D

I know I need medication... I can't find any government programs that will help pay for already-insured adults. Not like thered be any reason to... considering my insurance is full coverage

Is there a way you can get off your dad's insurance and apply for medical benefits thru the state?

[Emptty]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

Is there a way you can get off your dad's insurance and apply for medical benefits thru the state?

Yes there seems to be but I'm afraid if I declare myself an independant I will lose my financial aid at school because right now it is based on my fathers income. I make much less money than him, obviously but I know schools become more/less generous when circumstances change... I've yet to find time to talk to someone in my college but once I get a chance I have to.

Also... I may not be elligable for any state benefits. I'm a legal, healthy(physically) adult.

I could always vulentarily sign myself into a drug counseling program and get free healthcare or go to the er and say I'm suicidal but I would hate for drug treatment or suicide to be on "my records"

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Emptty

Yes there seems to be but I'm afraid if I declare myself an independant I will lose my financial aid at school because right now it is based on my fathers income. I make much less money than him, obviously but I know schools become more/less generous when circumstances change... I've yet to find time to talk to someone in my college but once I get a chance I have to.

Also... I may not be elligable for any state benefits. I'm a legal, healthy(physically) adult.

I could always vulentarily sign myself into a drug counseling program and get free healthcare or go to the er and say I'm suicidal but I would hate for drug treatment or suicide to be on "my records"

you do not have to declare yourself independant at school in order to get state benefits. and besides, you have no way of knowing if you are eligible for state benefits unless you try. besides, you need help, and that is more important than what you think mite go on your "record."

[agma]

Could you go to your family doc and see if they would prescribe an antidepressant for you? You don't have to tell your dad that is the reason you went.