[Waterbottle922]

So I have a full time job as an office manager...glorified title for cashier/receptionist/customer service rep. At the moment I'm absolutely losing my mind. I have that ball in my throat when your ready to cry and you're choking it back. My stomach is in knots and I don't know what to do. My heart is racing like crazy im sweating and shaking but it's too soon to take my klonopin. And I don't have a crisis med. I'm feeling like I'm beyond my breaking point today and I just want to give up. Not die, just disappear until my brain starts firing the way it should as if I was a normal human being. I can't stand being sick anymore. I need help. I have a t and a pdoc, finally a new one that actually listens to me. But I don't know that I have the complete right diagnoses and I want to. I want to know what's wrong with me so I can calm down a little and not feel so freaking crazy all the time because at least then I'll know what's going on.
I would give just about anything to curl up in a ball and cry this throat ball out until I fall asleep. And wake up feeling better and refreshed. I don't know tat taking this job was a good idea. I'm starting to regret it. It at the least helps my depression a little by forcing me outta bed Monday through Friday but it's not enough when I'm panicking and crying and just down for no good reason.

Sorry for the rant, I needed to get it out in a healthy manner.
Kelly

[shinkikker]

Hey, you know what, I think it is good that you took the job. Even if it seems stressful at times, the fact that you have something that is important enough to force you out of bed everyday is awesome.

I know the feeling of not having the right diagnoses and wanting some sort of answer to why I'm feeling the way I do. I'm going through that exact same thing right now, and it really sucks, but I guess all we can do is wait it out and hope that in time we will get those answers that we're so desperately seeking.

As far as the panicking/crying/depression at work goes, maybe try to figure out what triggers you, even if it's a very small thing. Then, use some coping mechanisms as soon as you notice that trigger, even if you aren't feeling crappy yet. Nip it in the bud, and keep it at bay, if at all possible.

I'm here for you! Stay strong.

[Leed]

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry you're feeling so crappy. That sucks. Especially when you have to be around people all the time. Why won't they all go away?? LOL Don't they have something better to do than to bug YOU? LOL

I used to have the same kind of job for the city where I lived, and people would drive me nuts -- and half the tiime THEY would trigger me. I couldn't figure out what THEY had to do with anything. All they were doing was coming in to pay their bills. And I'd go into a panic hissy fit. My hands would shake so bad, I couldn't write - so the receipt I had to give back to them was illegible. LOL Once they left, I'd sit down, breathe deeply and try to think of someplace pleasant that I liked - before I could even get that visualized, some other numbnuts would come iin to pay THEIR bills. ACK.

What I'd finally have to do is ask one of the other girls to watch the window, and we had a HUGE walk-in safe/vault -- I'd go in there and try to collect myself for a few minutes. My boss would always check on me and make sure I was okk -- I hated that cause I'd have to give an explanatiion -- but anyway, at least I was able to get myself together. There was a time I couldn't -- and I went straight from work to the shrink who put me right into the nut house (mental hospital LOL) and I signed myself in. I had been such a basket case at work, that I just couldn't handle it anymore.

I'm glad you vented Kelly. Sometimes you need to just purge. It's good to get it all out. Do it more often before it gets too severe. You'll feel better that way. God bless sweetie. Hope to hear from you again soon. Hugs, Lee