[Emotionally Dead]

It's funny how all of my life I have lived off the fact that I don't need anyone to survive. That my own motivation and determination will get me through my life, and if someone comes along great if not fine. Yet at this time of my life, where I am at the deepest part of depression, I find it so hard to not have thoughts of just having someone to talk to who understands.. Or will just comfort me and tell me that not everything is my fault and that things will get better.. Which I guess is sort of pathetic and it's pathetic that I don't even care who it is I wouldn't even care if it was an ex being the one to give me a hug and comfort me and that's the worst part.. Hopefully I am not the only one that feels that way but I feel so alone right now..

[sarek]

I know so well what that feels like. I lived in this same emotional desert for such a long time without anyone understanding or even suspecting. These words were written for me:

No one knows what its like to be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

Yet for me at long last someone has come along to ease the pain and loneliness but now that she is so very ill both mentally and physically and in all possible ways so far away from me, these old painful memories of nothing come back tenfold.

Yes, things will get better. They always do, just when you think you have hit rock bottom. There will always be new life and new light for you. I would not have believed it myself, but it is the truth. Every minute is another minute forward toward a time when you will feel better.

[justfloating]

((((((((((emotionally dead)))))))))))

It's not pathetic. It's part of being human. I know it's not the same but remember that you have us here at PC and we support you.

[Elana05]

Hi ED,

I think it's a turning point. It is brave to state that you need contact to survive. I spent most of my life also saying "I don't need anyone." It is a very defensive place to be. Kudos for being brave enough to say, "I do need people in contact with me."
YOU ARE AN IMPORTANT PERSON!

p.s Have you ever tried a support group or therapy group? I have found these helpful for finding others who are also in need of some human contact, advice, friendship. I also have good luck using meetup.com to meet people.

Sending supportive thoughts your way.

[WXWX]

No your not alone.I am also in a dark place and I have nobody, I have no friends or companions and I often feel numb,ashamed,sad,and empty.I wish I could just jump on someone and cry on them. (And I'm a guy, so that's really pathetic.) But I know that's not going to happen, because I don't have anyone for that, and I know I'll get hurt if I try to make friends because alot of people find me too depressing and strange to be friends with.I guess what I'm trying to say is I know how you feel and I truely wish I could be there for you to talk to.Please try to stay strong until you find someone.(I know you will!)If you want we can chat sometime and talk about our problems.

[jellis]

I too was once very independent and actually made it known I was proud of that fact. It was hard to realize that when Bipolar finally kicked in full swing that I was no longer as self sufficient as I once was. I am still trying to understand what is best for me in an effort to become more self dependent.

[Fuzzybear]

[ayana95]

Originally Posted by Emotionally Dead

It's funny how all of my life I have lived off the fact that I don't need anyone to survive. That my own motivation and determination will get me through my life, and if someone comes along great if not fine. Yet at this time of my life, where I am at the deepest part of depression, I find it so hard to not have thoughts of just having someone to talk to who understands.. Or will just comfort me and tell me that not everything is my fault and that things will get better.. Which I guess is sort of pathetic and it's pathetic that I don't even care who it is I wouldn't even care if it was an ex being the one to give me a hug and comfort me and that's the worst part.. Hopefully I am not the only one that feels that way but I feel so alone right now..

I use to think I didn't need anyone. I am an only child and my mom was emotionally detached. I don't have any friends except my boyfriend and my daughter.
Here's afrom me.

[ayana95]

Originally Posted by WXWX

No your not alone.I am also in a dark place and I have nobody, I have no friends or companions and I often feel numb,ashamed,sad,and empty.I wish I could just jump on someone and cry on them. (And I'm a guy, so that's really pathetic.) But I know that's not going to happen, because I don't have anyone for that, and I know I'll get hurt if I try to make friends because alot of people find me too depressing and strange to be friends with.I guess what I'm trying to say is I know how you feel and I truely wish I could be there for you to talk to.Please try to stay strong until you find someone.(I know you will!)If you want we can chat sometime and talk about our problems.

I know how you feel. Who would want to be friends with me? I am always sad. Not much fun. I think my illness has cost me friendships. People are put off by depression. I think we would make good friend if people had compassion and gave us a chance.

[11PM]

Originally Posted by Emotionally Dead

It's funny how all of my life I have lived off the fact that I don't need anyone to survive. That my own motivation and determination will get me through my life, and if someone comes along great if not fine. Yet at this time of my life, where I am at the deepest part of depression, I find it so hard to not have thoughts of just having someone to talk to who understands.. Or will just comfort me and tell me that not everything is my fault and that things will get better.. Which I guess is sort of pathetic and it's pathetic that I don't even care who it is I wouldn't even care if it was an ex being the one to give me a hug and comfort me and that's the worst part.. Hopefully I am not the only one that feels that way but I feel so alone right now..

I too remember when I was independent. I didn't need anyone. I imagined myself being the best person to be with if someone cared to join me, but until then I was completely content- perhaps better off alone. Fact is you don't know what loneliness is until you know what loneliness is. It's completely different when you can no longer keep yourself company. The ego is a social being. Ego keeps you warm when he is healthy, and dies when you do not feed him. You now must find the right diet for ego- a healthy blend of friends, and alone time- preferably constructive alone time.

[fantasea17]

I think it really depends on who you think you need in your life(and also who is availablle for you in times of need). For me, My mom is #1, but I only realised this just recently. For those of you who have family that care about you, I think that those people are the ones that can give you the most love, although there will be people that enter in your life that will make you happy (i like to think of it as bonuses!) but the main thing is, family are the most important ones that you can be in a relationship with.

So, my suggestion, is why not give a close family member a call? even if you haven't talked in a while, or if there is a riff between you. and it doesn't have to be long, nor does it have to be anything in particular. just give them a call, even if it is literally " hi, just wanted to say hi......so, umm, yeah...well..thats it. talk to you later"

if you do, let me know how it goes