kinda messed up at work - what is going on with me!!

I kinda messed up at work and am being really hard on myself......

I have tickets to see the Dali Lama tomorrow and I gave them up because I would have to miss work. I am in charge of a portion of this education grant, and we are having the federal gov’t auditors come in tomorrow to assess our progress with the grant. I didn’t know I had them coming in tomorrow, back in August when I purchased the $100 tickets for me and my mom. So, now I feel bad and as though I can’t miss these meetings tomorrow. I called mom today and told her that there is simply no way that I can go.

Another factor is that I have my annual review next week with my supervisor. I took last week off for vacation (we had two days of classes cancelled for the Columbus Day holiday, so it seemed like the perfect week to take off). Anyhow, so it would be bad form if I called in a personal day for tomorrow.

On top of that, I am working overtime on Saturday (I’m salary, so I don’t get paid extra) so I decided to come in a little late today. Little did I know I was missing an important grant-prep meeting (to prepare for tomorrow) that was this morning at 8:30am. My boss texted me asking me where I was, but I told her I was meeting with students on the other campus (in the neighboring town). I was planning on being on that campus all day – which was true.

Now I feel bad for lying. I feel bad for ditching my mom. I feel bad for wasting a ticket. I just feel like I’m a horrible worker. I know some of this has to do with the other stuff going on in my life – my grandmother is very ill and we just found out this week…I’m going to try and find some time to travel this weekend to visit her. My depression has been acting up, I have a counselor apt tonight, and there is just a lot going on.

Idk if I should do anything to try and make this better. I think the first step is to be at work tomorrow and NOT go to the see the Dali Lama, even though it is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I need this job though. Education field isn’t the easiest thing to stay in. It’s my career, my passion and livelihood, albeit I know it’s not showing at the moment. Needing some type of support guys.

I agree that it would NOT be a good idea to see the Dalai -- yes, it would be a once in a lifetiime thing, but you HAVE TO BE THERE tomorrow for the auditors!! You would certainly lose your job if you called in sick or something. You would be "found out" besides. So you must be there.

Siince this is your passion, you've got to put in the time and energy to prove it 1 It's awful that the Dalai had to come this week, darn it. But you never know -- some opportunity may come up some other time. Life works in strange ways. You never know what's going to happen

Being there tomorrow will show your boss that you're serious about your job, even tho there are other events going on that are much more interesting! I'm sure he knows you'd rather not be there for this -- that you'd rather see the Dalai, or do something else -- but you THERE for the audit! And that won't go unnoticed. He will certainly appreciate you must more for this. So have a great day - or as good as you can with the federal auditors! LOL God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

This seems to be your only realistic option, though it's sad to miss out seeing the Dalai Lama. How much is this fueling your current depression? Will you have a chance to compensate yourself in the near future?

That's a good question. IDK. I'm seeing my counselor tonight, so I'm eager to see how she sees things. She can usually reflect what I'm feeling, but without "telling me" what I'm feeling.

I did sell the ticket to a friend who is going to go. I feel a lot better. At least my job won't be in jeopardy and now my mom isn't out the money on the ticket either. We all have to do things we don't want to do somethings. I guess this is one of them!

I don't have any down time until the weekend of Halloween. I have quite a busy weekend (traveling for family function, visiting ailing grandmother, and working on Saturday). Who knows...