[ndgirl]

Why do people not understand that sometimes we need a little help regaining control of our thoughts and feelings. Did not have a really good day and asked a friend if we could get together for supper and a little support. All she could say to me is "give it time", "you'll feel better in the morning" and "you know that isn't true". All those things might be true but right now could use someone to help me get over the hump. I have been trying several coping skills today without success. I told her that deep down I know what I'm thinking/feeling/saying is not right but my mind and heart won't let go. I feel like the world is crashing around me, my heart is being squeezed flat, irrational thoughts running through my head, etc. Now instead of feeling better, I feel so unloved, unworthy, and uncared about.
Sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it out before I exploded.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. Why didn't your "friend" want to go to supper? It would have been the "friendly" thing to do, to help support you, if she had gone with you! I'm surre you would have done the same for her, because you know what it's like to be depressed and feel unloved!!

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. Believe me, I know how it feels, as I've struggled with depression since I was a small child but didn't get treatment until I was iin my 20's. My teen years were the worst of my life.

Have you tried therapy? Are you on any medication? If you haven't done either, I would speak to my doctor about getting a referral to a good therapist. I was in therapy most of my adult life (until I "graduated") and my therapist also suggested that my doctor put me on an antidepressant. So there IS help, if you haven't talked to your doctor.

I wish you the very best -- please keep posting here too, as it helps alot. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[ndgirl]

Thanks. That is what hurt...she has some of the same problems thought it was safe. We did go to supper but she didn't want to deal with any of it.
I also have dealt with depression and anxiety since teens and currently on Celexa and Wellbutrin XL. I also participate in individual and group therapy. That is there that I learned many coping skills and ways to stop negative talk. Relapsed about 2 months ago and am finding it harder to get back "on the horse".
I still find it hard to talk about my feelings around others. Part of me doesn't want to burden others and the other part is maybe embarrassment/fear because of my profession. That is work in progress.

[Leed]

I still find it hard to understand when a 'friend' doesn't want to "deal" when you're having problems especially when SHE has some of the same problems!! SHE of all people should understand what it feels like when you're having a relapse!!! Doesn't she want support when she's relapsing? Doesn't she want someone to listen during those times? What does she do then? How does she cope?

And you should NEVER be embarrassed by your career! And where does the fear come from? FEAR that they'll be embarrassed? They would be fools if they were! I don't care WHAT you do -- It's good honest work, right? It brings in money to help pay the bills, right? That's all that's necessary. Work is work, and as long as you like it (or even if you don't) it's honest, and you're not sitting on your duff, collecting welfare! Personally I'm proud of you. It doesn't matter one tinkers darn what you do to me.

But a REAL friend should be more than what she has been to you. I'm sorry she hasn't supported you more, because you deserve it. I'm sure you've given HER more support than that! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[ndgirl]

My fear is that it will cause me to lose my job or harm someone. My supervisor is very supportive of my disease and knows that I try and stay on top of it. I just worry that her hands may get tied and also that I could be sanctioned by state board. I look at my disease as a blessing when it comes to helping others through my job and is a curse when it affects who I am and what I do. That may not make sense but is the only way I can think of to describe it.
Spent most of the day outside doing fall things so mood much better but know that stress of work this week will pose a potential challenge. Guess it is full steam ahead