[njbjpdjadm221]

I've been feeling depressed for a long time. I feel like I can't feel happy and if I ever do, it's like I feel guilty for feeling that way, it's a weird feeling. I feel guilty for feeling so sad. I know it's wrong. It's not like I have anything in my life to feel this sad about, but I still so. It's really embarrassing so I don't tell anyone. Somedays are worse than others. But, this past week, I've cried every single day.

I don't know what to do or what I even want. Lately, I either feel sad, tired (I usually wake up really early in the morning), or I feel nothing at all. I have thoughts about hurting myself. Usually it's when I feel angry or stressed. Whenever I feel that way, I cry because I don't know what else to do. I know that's weird. I really hate feeling anger and stress and I think that if I killed myself, those feelings would go away and I would feel relief. I get those thoughts a lot, but I have never acted on them yet this time. The thoughts seem like they are really overwhelming sometimes. Like they are all I can think about, but I know I would regret it if I did something, so I just try and ignore them until it goes away. It's kind of scary.

I just feel really lost and I feel like no one ever really pays attention to me. Depression really sucks but I feel really embarrassed about it, so I haven't told anyone. Its getting harder and harder every day, I'm afraid that it's getting worse. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to deal with it myself. I probably haven't been dealing with it that well since I cry all the time, but I'm not really sure if I want to see a therapist. It's really hard to me to be noticed by anyone. At this point, I don't think anyone really cares that much about me. I'm all alone.

i'm actually proud of you.

firstly for not acting on your thoughts (that's very good), and secondly for noticing you are depressed and how you are feeling.

did anything start this depression?. a mixture of things?. or nothing..

as for talking to someone, yes i know it's difficult- depression and mental illness caries such a stigma with it

only you can really decide that.. thoug from what you said about not knowing how many days you can cope on your own, it might be a good idea- is their someone you can talk to who might be easier?

before (and if) you choose to go to a therapist, is their someone who you can trust to tell this too?

family?. friends..?

[Marla500]

hi there! depression can make you feel ashamed even though it's not your fault. we care about you, we can certainly relate to how you feel keep posting, we all work through it together

[golf898]

I am very sorry for all the pain that you are dealing with right now. I am a fellow depression sufferer for the past 13 years. Sounds like whatever that you are dealing with inside is very painful. Have you ever tried Therapy? Being able to speak to someone who can understand your depression and help you through it is invaluable. Being depressed can be very complex; and it can take a lot of hard work and help from others to get through it. Whatever, and however you feel today; just remember to never give up. If you have any questions as to my process for getting through it; please do not hesitate to ask.

Originally Posted by njbjpdjadm221

I've been feeling depressed for a long time. I feel like I can't feel happy and if I ever do, it's like I feel guilty for feeling that way, it's a weird feeling. I feel guilty for feeling so sad. I know it's wrong. It's not like I have anything in my life to feel this sad about, but I still so. It's really embarrassing so I don't tell anyone. Somedays are worse than others. But, this past week, I've cried every single day.

I don't know what to do or what I even want. Lately, I either feel sad, tired (I usually wake up really early in the morning), or I feel nothing at all. I have thoughts about hurting myself. Usually it's when I feel angry or stressed. Whenever I feel that way, I cry because I don't know what else to do. I know that's weird. I really hate feeling anger and stress and I think that if I killed myself, those feelings would go away and I would feel relief. I get those thoughts a lot, but I have never acted on them yet this time. The thoughts seem like they are really overwhelming sometimes. Like they are all I can think about, but I know I would regret it if I did something, so I just try and ignore them until it goes away. It's kind of scary.

I just feel really lost and I feel like no one ever really pays attention to me. Depression really sucks but I feel really embarrassed about it, so I haven't told anyone. Its getting harder and harder every day, I'm afraid that it's getting worse. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to deal with it myself. I probably haven't been dealing with it that well since I cry all the time, but I'm not really sure if I want to see a therapist. It's really hard to me to be noticed by anyone. At this point, I don't think anyone really cares that much about me. I'm all alone.

[njbjpdjadm221]

I’m not really sure what started it. I guess part of the reason could be maybe that I’m at a point in life when I know I need to grow up, I’m 22. It is a little scary, but I realize I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have any friends and when I think of the people I know that are exactly my age and how different their lives are from mine. Like they have friends and a cool job and they seem really happy. It makes me feel a little bit jealous, like I don’t understand why they deserve to be happy and I don’t. I feel stuck and I don’t know how to be happy anymore. But, I also think it probably goes deeper than that, because this isn’t the first time I’ve been depressed, I was depressed from age 12-16.

I’ve been to therapy before. I don’t think it’s right for me (bad experiences). At this point, I don’t think anyone is going to be able to help me. I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I doubt anyone will be able to understand. I think I may have problems with trust because every time I feel like I want to tell someone, before I do, I always wonder whether or not I can trust them. Then I usually back down because I decide that I’m not sure if they are trustworthy and I don’t want to risk my secret getting out. I guess I always just expect the worst from people. I’m scared to admit this to anyone, so I’ve pretty much been keeping it to myself. But now it’s getting really hard to make sure this stays a secret.

therapy is not for everyone, and if it does not work for you, then it's not working.

i hear what you're saying about people not understanding and trust issues and wanting to keep a secret... but if you don't do anything about it and tell people, then it's just going to get worse and worse, and you'll eventually end up... well, who knows- but it probably wouldn't be good