[Syc_amore]

So, I'm a student now, working desperately to gain entry into grad school. Due to some pretty traumatic family events, I've been battling depression for a little over two years now. During that time, I became totally isolated. I wouldn't leave the apartment for days, I slept and cried and slept and cried and lost contact with several people at school. The ones I was especially close to have all graduated, and my immediate family lives across the country.
Now that I've been seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist for the last year, I am working my butt off to graduate and meet my goals. The only problem is, I have forgotten how to make friends. I am in a program that requires a lot of studio work, and typically in those environments, individuals become incredibly close... like donating a kidney kind of close. But I feel like an outsider. I've tried to put myself out there for months now, but I still feel like a red headed stepchild. No offense to any redheads or stepchildren... I suppose it's a silly phrase.
I'm active in a couple of college clubs, and I don't have any trouble chatting with/laughing with my peers. I put on a pretty good happy mask during the day but it has become exhausting. I'll go home, study, and pray that I'll get a text to see if I have any plans. I can't even remember how I met some of my early college friends apart from being with them in studio. Any suggestions? I can't let this become another source of fuel for my depression to feed off of.

[onionknight]

Loneliness while away at school is sadly a pretty common occurence. It seems like most groups are made in the first years of school. I'm really sorry you have to deal with it. I've been an outsider in tight-knit groups. It is painful and discouraging.

Please, know you will get through this

[roads]

You say, "I'll go home, study, and pray that I'll get a text to see if I have any plans." I know it's risky, but ... could you send a text? Be the initiator?

It's really tough to make friends--I've been trying, so I know. Just don't not try! Having friends IRL is an urgent part of building a support system.

We both have to keep at this, and we aren't the only ones. Having a real life friend would make a big difference to many on this board.

So ... how about it? Send a text?

Roadie

Originally Posted by Roadie

You say, "I'll go home, study, and pray that I'll get a text to see if I have any plans." I know it's risky, but ... could you send a text? Be the initiator?

It's really tough to make friends--I've been trying, so I know. Just don't not try! Having friends IRL is an urgent part of building a support system.

We both have to keep at this, and we aren't the only ones. Having a real life friend would make a big difference to many on this board.

So ... how about it? Send a text?

Roadie

That's what I was about to say as far as being proactive but I don't think I could have said it that well.
Invite someone out to discuss class... or to not discuss class
It will be hard to go out on a limb but it might pay off big.
Good luck

[Marla500]

one thing that I have heard that I am trying to act on is "the best way to have a friend is to be a friend." I know it's not easy to take those steps and put ourselves out there (still not really sure how, even though it seems simple enough), but we have to try. wishing you the best in your efforts

[golf898]

I have struggled with the same issues. Group Therapy seems to help for me. Through my severe depression I lost the ability to connect with others. This seemed to work wonders for me. Hope that this helps.

Originally Posted by Syc_amore

So, I'm a student now, working desperately to gain entry into grad school. Due to some pretty traumatic family events, I've been battling depression for a little over two years now. During that time, I became totally isolated. I wouldn't leave the apartment for days, I slept and cried and slept and cried and lost contact with several people at school. The ones I was especially close to have all graduated, and my immediate family lives across the country.
Now that I've been seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist for the last year, I am working my butt off to graduate and meet my goals. The only problem is, I have forgotten how to make friends. I am in a program that requires a lot of studio work, and typically in those environments, individuals become incredibly close... like donating a kidney kind of close. But I feel like an outsider. I've tried to put myself out there for months now, but I still feel like a red headed stepchild. No offense to any redheads or stepchildren... I suppose it's a silly phrase.
I'm active in a couple of college clubs, and I don't have any trouble chatting with/laughing with my peers. I put on a pretty good happy mask during the day but it has become exhausting. I'll go home, study, and pray that I'll get a text to see if I have any plans. I can't even remember how I met some of my early college friends apart from being with them in studio. Any suggestions? I can't let this become another source of fuel for my depression to feed off of.

Originally Posted by Marla500

one thing that I have heard that I am trying to act on is "the best way to have a friend is to be a friend." I know it's not easy to take those steps and put ourselves out there (still not really sure how, even though it seems simple enough), but we have to try. wishing you the best in your efforts

That's one of my thoughts too... to have a good friend you need to be ready to be a good friend. Of course you need caution in the beginning... there are people who will take advantage.

[Syc_amore]

Thanks for all the good thoughts ya'll are sending my way. I know that it takes time, and sometimes when it looks the worst, good things come. Occasionally, I'll send a text or ask someone after class if they have any plans or want to grab a bite or something, and more often than not, I've had good results. It's the reciprocity that is lacking. How much is too much? It's terrifying to think that I could lose friends before I even have them because I might come across as desperate.
At the beginning of the semester, I actually hit it off with a couple folks at school. Now, I can't tell if they are just too busy(post-midterms are crazy hectic) or see me as clingy, because they haven't been nearly as interested in socializing. I've been trying to respect their space. I'm clearly over analyzing the entire issue, but it's tough sometimes not to dwell on it when the only person you have to talk to is yourself. There are very few people who know how troubled I've been for the past few years, so opening up to strangers(essentially) is very difficult to do.
Again, thanks so much for the kind words all.

Opening up too soon or too much would be risky for new friends. Let it have time to come about naturally. Yes... try to relax and not overanalyze or push too much.
It will work out

[Madison Park]

Originally Posted by Syc_amore

So, I'm a student now, working desperately to gain entry into grad school. Due to some pretty traumatic family events, I've been battling depression for a little over two years now. During that time, I became totally isolated. I wouldn't leave the apartment for days, I slept and cried and slept and cried and lost contact with several people at school. The ones I was especially close to have all graduated, and my immediate family lives across the country.
Now that I've been seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist for the last year, I am working my butt off to graduate and meet my goals. The only problem is, I have forgotten how to make friends. I am in a program that requires a lot of studio work, and typically in those environments, individuals become incredibly close... like donating a kidney kind of close. But I feel like an outsider. I've tried to put myself out there for months now, but I still feel like a red headed stepchild. No offense to any redheads or stepchildren... I suppose it's a silly phrase.
I'm active in a couple of college clubs, and I don't have any trouble chatting with/laughing with my peers. I put on a pretty good happy mask during the day but it has become exhausting. I'll go home, study, and pray that I'll get a text to see if I have any plans. I can't even remember how I met some of my early college friends apart from being with them in studio. Any suggestions? I can't let this become another source of fuel for my depression to feed off of.

I'm just so impressed with all that you seem to be accomplishing even while depressed. I did not make many friends in college, and it seemed so many others had close friends. I was new in town and had severe bulimia. I just focused on good grades and somehow got through it all. You seem to be doing all the right things to make new connections. I hope it will start to pay off for you.

[carebirdy]

I relate to what you've posted. People often have no idea that I have anxiety around making friends because I put on a good face. After social interactions (except for those I'm very close with) leave me drained. Good for you for trying and broaden your social horizons. You should be proud of yourself. Something that's worked for me is pacing social interactions, I make a point to do a few social things a week and try not to overwhelm myself. Sometimes this works, other times not. Good luck to you on all fronts!

[gma45]

You have received some great advice here. Think I will have to try some of it myself. Finding friends can be difficult sometimes at least you are around people so I think it is just a matter of time. I understand the not wanting to come off as too needy or clingy. I, like you tend to over analyze, I think.(see there I go lol!) I wish you the best and please know that you are not alone when it comes to this friend thing!