Suicidal thoughts

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 7 years old. I've been in therapy now for 2 years. I'm 46 years old now 39 your track record of successfully living.
I am recently divorced. I have hepatitis C. have no family. and I'm tired. there is no 1 would love me. I can't live a life without love. I honestly wish I would just die.
I don't think I've ever actually have your love and affection. I have absolutely no memory of my mother ever holding me.
I've gone through every type of abuse a person can go through. when I was 17 my mother made me stand outside naked in front of friends family and neighbors mocked me about 30 minutes. have scars from the physical abuse. all of my sexual abusers were women.
I can't trust anyone anymore.
I just really don't know what else to do.

hello,

welcome to the site

gosh... it does sound you've been through loads- i admire you for hanging on and in sted of taking your life, coming on here to get it off your chest

i'm not going to say things will get better... because honestly?. i've had that said to me so many times- and it never has.

all i can say for now is keep talking to us, when ever you need too.. and i hope that some of us can become really good friends with you- and help you to ease all the pain inside you

hugs

Thank you for your kind words. I know that it doesn't just go away. I do Hope that for all of us the pain begins moving to the west as we move to the east. Further and further away each day.

Welcome...I agree that you have been through so much and have survived. You have been loved, were married and I would think that chances are you will love and be loved again. You may not see the qualities that others see in you and you never know what may happen. There are a lot of virtual 'hugs' and such compassion on this site so please know you are definitely not alone. I lost my job and my marriage is in a shambles due to depression/bipolar so I can identify with the need for love. With all that you have been through I would think you also have a lot of compassion and could offer some support to those in need here...hugs and stay in touch.

I wish you good luck, it may not be a lot, but it's all I can give you. <3

Hi
I am so sorry that you lived through so much abuse. I admire that you still are here. I stay because I think its important to complete what I started. This life. But it is very very very hard to do so. I wish I had words of widsom. But what I can say is that you are not alone. Too many people live with untold pain. Too many people long to die. Simply because they seek relief from the pain, whatever that pain is. I know thats why I long for that. But I believe I am here for a reason. And so I stay around. It isnt easy though. safe for you if that's okay