[Hellion]

Well no crap, its not like I enjoy doing that...but I don't exactly have any money to go out and do anything, and my close family and friend don't seem to want to really have much to do with me. So yeah it annoys me when people like my mom say things like that, as if I have that many other options for the time being. Kind of waiting it out for whatever is decided on my SSI application and hoping for the best since I really don't know of a better alternative.

I mean I know my sister is busy a lot, my friend did call recently and said we should hang out some-time but I haven't called since then because I still feel bad about freaking out at his house and am worried about making things worse or freaking out again and ruining what's left of the friendship...And my cousin well I imagine she is pretty busy to but then somehow her and my sister still find time to hang out......and its probably just a coincidence but the past couple times I was supposed to see my cousin she somehow couldn't show up so I can't help thinking its because I was there and she didn't want to see me. I mean I guess I just feel like I got out of the psych ward only to be met with no one even bothering to inquire how I am doing or anything. Its all up to me to reach out....but when I am doing all the reaching out I wonder what the point is, so I can just feel bad about myself because it seems like no matter how much I try and reach out people still seem to have a million better things to do then acknowledge it in any way. Let alone return the favor...I admit it feels bad when I've taken people to concerts, paid for their tickets bought people food and all this crap and not that I do those things to get something in return but it gets pretty draining when it seems people don't appreciate it or consider doing nice things for me but expect me to somehow do things for them when I am the most unstable of them all. I mean even among the family members I'm 'close' to it feels like unless i have money to spend I'm not worth hanging out with. I mean even to have a decent birthday celebration I have to pretty much spend all my birthday money because its not like anyone is actually going to take me out to do anything for my birthday.

I am just falling into a mental isolation trap.....if it goes on for much longer I feel like I eventually wont be able to communicate anything at all to anyone except my own thoughts if they become verbal auditory hallucinations.

I have a therapist but it seems the same even with her, I can't think of anything to really say...so then she doesn't know what to say or suggest. She also thinks it would be good to have some fun activities to do...and I am sure it would be but then that brings us right back to why I end up alone in my room a lot lately no money to do that with and no one to really go do anything with. And sure maybe I should just be appreciative that I can at least go walk around in the park(alone)...but I am sick of trying to be happy with having no life whatsoever. Maybe I have too high of expectations but it just seems I spend a lot of time and energy on people who don't care to even hear how I am doing especially if I am not doing so well.....I feel like i can't even bring this up to anyone without being accused of being too selfish and wanting more than I should expect or something when really I just don't understand what I am doing wrong or whatever that throws off relationship balances so much that I seem to be worthless to people(even the ones who supposedly do really care) unless I have money and am offering to buy food or maybe booze(though I am giving drinking a long break) or whatever is being bought. Or maybe my perceptions are off......all i know is the isolation/lonliness i feel is not enjoyable in the least and it seems there is no solution. I mean even if I try and make more friends whats not to say It will be the same with them, they don't really want to hang out unless I have the means to pay for them to go out and do something with me.

i can't give advice, but i can defenetly relate.

all i seem to do is sit in my room day after day- for much of the same reasons that you mentioned.. and also because of my issues about leaving the house (anxiety based)

i know it's not healthy.... but what can we do

perhaps 1 day everything will be easier

[Hellion]

Just not sure how much more of it I can take, somethings gotta give. And yet the longer things go the way they are going the more isolated I feel from everyone which makes it even harder to try and convince myself its not that everyone hates me or wants nothing to do with me...they're just busy, or it doesn't occur to them ect. I mean I really don't know which it is or if its a mix of both being busy and not really having much intrest in spending any time around me or I am just too much with all my never ending problems so they are avoiding me to avoid hearing about any of that without considering it leaves me isolated with no one to talk to even about things not related to issues i have.

They don't want me to dwell on it, but with nothing enjoyable to do and never getting invited to go out and do anything or whatever, doesn't really leave me much choice I can only distract myself from whats going on in my head for so long when I'm alone with nothing really to do. I mean yesterday I took a shower and got dressed even put on make up just to go get a pack of cigarettes and took a nap instead when I couldn't find my headphones. I figured getting this pack of smokes is going to be the most eventful thing this week aside from my therapy appointment tommorrow so I wanted to enjoy the walk with my music now that I've found them I can do it today......though I know cigarettes is not the best use of the little bit of cash I currently have but what else am I going to spend it on, going to the movies alone? At least the cigarettes will last longer.

Hi, I am in a similar boat. I have sometimes gone over three months not setting foot outside my home. I more usually avoid pretty much all contact with the outside world with a few exceptions that keep my household running. I have strict rules about each of my "goings"etc. also. I go to the grocery store about every three weeks. I plan before I go, to avoid going to a possibly judgemental checker. I have even stayed inside the store and abandonned my basket (sometimes full) if I am overcome by anxiety. I do not leave my home for just any reason, and my family all know this. I don't know how to come out of this permanently. I had recently in the last few months been doing better, I was going to a dance class with my one year old son, for an hour each day. I was nervous and even had panic attacks. But I was moving forward. That lasted almost two months and I thought I was cured. Now I haven't gone in just over thirty days. I have relapsed. I am afraid to go outside again. It seems everything bad is out there. I wish I had some advice my friend, but you are definitely not alone. I hope there is an answer to this problem. I have taken two steps forward and three steps back. Failure is what I have achieved. I don't feel like a total fool for trying to change, perhaps this was in some way practice for a future in freedom? I hope.

[thickntired]

Hellion,

I can so relate to how you feel. I get all panicky when I leave the house, and it's gotten so bad that now I rarely get out of my pj's! Also, since I was approved for SSDI there is even less reason to get up and get dressed bc I'm not working. I joined a gym, which I haven't been to in weeks, and I did some volunteer stints. The problem for me with staying home is I tend to wallow in my problems. And the more time I spend online the less I'm able to relate to people in real life.

I would recommend you try to find a reason once a week to get out of the house. Just baby steps because I think it would make us all feel better and more able to handle the dreaded social events we can't get out of, ie Christmas or SSDI evaluations.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by thickntired

Hellion,

I can so relate to how you feel. I get all panicky when I leave the house, and it's gotten so bad that now I rarely get out of my pj's! Also, since I was approved for SSDI there is even less reason to get up and get dressed bc I'm not working. I joined a gym, which I haven't been to in weeks, and I did some volunteer stints. The problem for me with staying home is I tend to wallow in my problems. And the more time I spend online the less I'm able to relate to people in real life.

I would recommend you try to find a reason once a week to get out of the house. Just baby steps because I think it would make us all feel better and more able to handle the dreaded social events we can't get out of, ie Christmas or SSDI evaluations.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

If I get on SSI even though I wouldn't nessisarily have a specific reason to get up but it would allow me funds to be able to do some of the things I would like to...I mean even catching the bus to go anywhere costs 2.50 and I've been everywhere worth going in walking distance repeatedly not really much around my house other then stores, bars and fast food places which of course cost money. The park is free but walking around there alone gets rather old. At the very least SSI would help me be less financially dependant on people like my mom because then I could at least cover my own transportation costs.

But yeah there really isn't much to do out of the house..and then half the time even when I do come up with an idea then the bus ride costs too much so then I have to try and figure out transportation but don't have gas money to offer anyone or just stay at home if I can't figure something out.

[-jimi-]

If the two of us were the same person, we'd make a good complete character it seems. You want to go outside but you fear it somehow and you really want your friends to socialize with you. You don't know where to go or what to do. I don't have fears going out, I like being alone and I'm very thankful my friend is giving me the space I need. There are tons of free things to do here, like beautiful church concerts, lectures in almost any subject, a community mini library with cafe, a big beautiful library downtown. There are tons of different volunteer stuff you can do here too. Plus I have a million projects.

Still I also sit here... in my apartment. Almost all the time I think. Just for different reasons. And I don't feel my life is great either. All those things I want to do..... not done them in years. I stopped going outside if I truly didn't need to. It wouldn't surprise me if I got out one day and the sun was a blue square and I didn't even notice.

Originally Posted by Hellion

Just not sure how much more of it I can take, somethings gotta give. And yet the longer things go the way they are going the more isolated I feel from everyone which makes it even harder to try and convince myself its not that everyone hates me or wants nothing to do with me...they're just busy, or it doesn't occur to them ect. I mean I really don't know which it is or if its a mix of both being busy and not really having much intrest in spending any time around me or I am just too much with all my never ending problems so they are avoiding me to avoid hearing about any of that without considering it leaves me isolated with no one to talk to even about things not related to issues i have.

They don't want me to dwell on it, but with nothing enjoyable to do and never getting invited to go out and do anything or whatever, doesn't really leave me much choice I can only distract myself from whats going on in my head for so long when I'm alone with nothing really to do. I mean yesterday I took a shower and got dressed even put on make up just to go get a pack of cigarettes and took a nap instead when I couldn't find my headphones. I figured getting this pack of smokes is going to be the most eventful thing this week aside from my therapy appointment tommorrow so I wanted to enjoy the walk with my music now that I've found them I can do it today......though I know cigarettes is not the best use of the little bit of cash I currently have but what else am I going to spend it on, going to the movies alone? At least the cigarettes will last longer.

it's something i think about on a daily bases (along with many other things)

you know... i get to thinking... well, my family's shut me out, i've no real face to face friends, so in 20 40 years time.. will i still be here?. getting worse and worse by the day?. is this really my life?

sometimes i think... what's the dam point

[krosis]

Originally Posted by Hellion

but I am sick of trying to be happy with having no life whatsoever.

I can definitely relate, especially to this part. My parents also keep telling me to get out of my room, get out of the house, etc. But I have no one to hang out with and nowhere to go (I also have no money to do things with). I'm currently attending college, which you would think would be a great opportunity to get a social life, but it hasn't been so far, I haven't made any friends at all. And my parents keep telling me to join a club or something, but none of them interest me. I have three brothers, but all of them are too absorbed in their own lives to care much about mine. As I become more and more isolated from everyone, it becomes harder and harder to deisolate myself. I used to go to the bookstore or the video game store just to look around by myself (again, no money), but now I'm finding that I don't want to go anywhere at all. I'm just staying home, mostly alone.

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice. If I did, I would be following it and wouldn't be feeling useless as often. I can say that you're not alone though.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

it's something i think about on a daily bases (along with many other things)

you know... i get to thinking... well, my family's shut me out, i've no real face to face friends, so in 20 40 years time.. will i still be here?. getting worse and worse by the day?. is this really my life?

sometimes i think... what's the dam point

I wonder quite a lot what the point is...going to the psych ward didn't help with that in the least. Other than now its more official I've got mental issues. Its just depressing I suppose I'm 23 and I am waiting on a decision as to whether I qualify for SSI. All the while trying to ignore a lot of crap I see on forums and in the media about how mental issues can't be severe enough to justify one being on SSI or things like that.

Though honestly I feel like I've suffered enough the least this unforgiving system/society can do is give me a little compensation for my troubles.

Originally Posted by Hellion

I wonder quite a lot what the point is...going to the psych ward didn't help with that in the least. Other than now its more official I've got mental issues. Its just depressing I suppose I'm 23 and I am waiting on a decision as to whether I qualify for SSI. All the while trying to ignore a lot of crap I see on forums and in the media about how mental issues can't be severe enough to justify one being on SSI or things like that.

Though honestly I feel like I've suffered enough the least this unforgiving system/society can do is give me a little compensation for my troubles.

good luck

i hope you get that at least

[hamster-bamster]

The simplest thing you can do to help your situation is to stop SITTING. Indeed, as your thread's title says, sitting can't be healthy: sitting leads to obesity, back pain, shortened lifespan, etc. Put your laptop on the floor or on the couch and get on your tummy. This very simply change will immediately make you feel better.

Not only do I use the laptop like that at home, my cats camp on top of me (because I am warmer than the floor, being a warm-blooded animal). So I get the benefits of touch, too, and am happy.

I am sure you did not expect a solution as simple as that.

[Hellion]

Well to be realistic I do more than sit, I typically go for at least one longish walk a week...and I walk around the house a lot, kind of hard to sit still for too long...I guess I more meant its getting to me being stuck at home and obviously my room is my room of choice to be in.

And as I said there aren't really very many alternatives...nowhere to go really. I am trying to think of at least something to do aside from therapy appointments just haven't figured anything out.

[Hellion]

Anyways I am a bit confused as to why this was moved, its not really a specific depression issue.....I think the anxiety and ptsd is just as much a part of the issue that's why I put it in other mental health discussion instead of in a particular disorder catagory....Just want to point that out so no one thinks I am being specific about depression.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Well to be realistic I do more than sit, I typically go for at least one longish walk a week...and I walk around the house a lot, kind of hard to sit still for too long...I guess I more meant its getting to me being stuck at home and obviously my room is my room of choice to be in.

And as I said there aren't really very many alternatives...nowhere to go really. I am trying to think of at least something to do aside from therapy appointments just haven't figured anything out.

A community swimming pool?

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Well to be realistic I do more than sit, I typically go for at least one longish walk a week...and I walk around the house a lot, kind of hard to sit still for too long...I guess I more meant its getting to me being stuck at home and obviously my room is my room of choice to be in.

And as I said there aren't really very many alternatives...nowhere to go really. I am trying to think of at least something to do aside from therapy appointments just haven't figured anything out.

I do not know what resources your library has, but you could trying going to that once a week. Sometimes the libraries are part of a complex where there is a community center or something like that. I hope you find a routine that will be a good balance for you.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

A community swimming pool?

I am not much into swimming especially in chlorine filled water....not to mention swimming pools are very loud, chaotic and people make a lot of quick movements.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by optimize990h

I do not know what resources your library has, but you could trying going to that once a week. Sometimes the libraries are part of a complex where there is a community center or something like that. I hope you find a routine that will be a good balance for you.

Yeah maybe, I could at least check out dvds or if there are any books I care to attempt reading its hard for me to focus on that due to being all on edge so its hard to focus on reading a book but sometimes I still like to.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Hellion

Yeah maybe, I could at least check out dvds or if there are any books I care to attempt reading its hard for me to focus on that due to being all on edge so its hard to focus on reading a book but sometimes I still like to.

I cannot focus on reading a book, but I was able to focus on a craft - I made two beautiful necklaces during one beading class. It costs money, but it is worth it - I got to make Christmas presents, I got to be creative (picking out the beads and designing unique necklaces is creative), I got to chat with other women taking the class, I got to focus, and I achieved some temporary relief from anxiety.

So if you can sign up for a class that would teach you basics of a new craft, I would recommend it. And: no chlorine and people are very quiet .