Need to be heard.

I am pissed at the world. I feel like that for people like me, the rest of the world lets me slip right through the cracks, and there is no helps.
I have severe depression that has only been growing worse over the past couple weeks. It scares me...I bounce between feeling strong hatered and self loathing to feeling numb, like I couldn't care less about anyone or anything...and that terrifies me.

I applied for SSI again and was denied...they said my condition wasn't severe enough nor was there sufficient documentation. Although I found out that they chose to exclude the documentation that there was. They only looked at the records from a doctor's office I no longer go to..the paperwork was from 2 years ago...I tried to ask them why they didn't use current paperwork...why they didn't contact my current doctor for the information but they gave me the run-around.

I applied for food stamps and cash assistance...but apparently in order to qualify for cash, I need to get knocked up, get married at age 20, lose a limb or wind up in the hospital before I can qualify....and according to the DSHS office, I don't qualify for food stamps because I have no income...how does that make any kind of sense??? I can't pay rent...can't pay electric...I am about to be homeless at this rate...I lost my job because due to anxiety and depression I couldn't handle the pressure of it. I was laid off because I was ill too much. I can't find another job....even though I look, my doctor and therapist are telling me not to work...because they feel that with the state I am in, that it would only make things worse. I have developed a huge fear for being around people. I hide in my house because I can't stand being out in the world.

I wound up failing a class in school because of this...I would have panic attacks...being in the classroom, and around campus caused it to happen every time...I explained to my teacher that I could not always make it to class...I said I had medical reasons and my doctor and therapist both sent me with documentation to prove it....my teacher would hear none of it, and refused me...he said if I wasn't there then I fail the class. And I did...I tried on many occasions to go in, but they resulted in me having another attack. I offered to do the work and assignments and home and turn them in once a week but still he denied me. I shouldn't be surprised but now I have lost my financial aid...including my loan because he wouldn't work with me.

I have no income. I am depressed and about to be homeless. I have more and more dark thoughts as the weeks go on. I don't have any clue what to do...I cannot afford to see my doctor anymore...I am $500 in the hole with my bank, and cannot climb out. I constantly get harassing letters and phone calls about not making my payment...

Understand, I live in Washington...the temperature outside right now is about 40 degrees. It's only 50 degrees in the home we live in because we cant afford heat. Our 'house' has black mold growing in it, and it only makes our health worse and worse...the floor is beginning to give out....its sinking and becoming morphed. There are holes in the walls, and the front window of the house has a golf ball sized hole in it....The roof leaks and half the plug ins dont work..we cant afford to fix it...not that it matters...because by this time next month with no payment, I will have no home...

Why does the government say I don't qualify? I dont understand. I am 20 years old, I was thrown out when I was 17. I lived with my grandparents up until a few months ago, but I could no longer live with them...my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer...in both the brain and lung...and I am grateful that a few weeks ago he was given a clean bill of health....it is one less worry on my mind, but they cannot afford to continue to help me with their own medical expenses....

Please, does anyone have any advice...my boyfriend and I are living in this "home" or what is left of one....he luckily just found a job...but he only works one day a week and only gets about 4 hours...I am glad he has an income...even a small one...but it isn't enough to make our payments...if it wasn't for the food bank we would be starving too....please, are there any recommendations out there?

Hello NishQuiche92,
I just read your story. I feel very unhappy for you. I know you are going thprugh really difficult times. Your house, your education, Money. Life is getting difficult for you. I am glad that you have a partner (your boyfriend) who is with you. social support is beautiful and can beat depression.

NishQuiche92, Is there any job that you can do. Something with less hours like the one your boyfriend has. Any thing that can get you something. Look for some jobs, any jobs a little money can be saved and the house rent can be payed. If you cannot find some offline job there are plenty of online jobs at hubpages, triond, squidoo that consist of writing articles and getting payed. Mylot.com and swagbucks.com are also legit sites but they do not pay very much.

NishQuiche92, I know money is the biggest problem right now for you. If you get a job for only 1-3 hours everyday, anxiety and depression symptoms can be controlled. Online jobs can also be good and bring some money.
When you get enough money to pay some bills, rent etc I want you to have some fun, a little cheap fun. Connect with friends and listen to subliminal misc and hypnosis for your depression.

http://sounddepressiontreatment.com/#

I love in Florida, NishQuiche92, & have no idea of the resources available in Washington state. Do you have a social worker?

You're at a private school, right--have you gone to their human resources dept? Even private colleges have to give students with documented mental or physical health issues certain considerations ... It's the law. I think your rights may have been violated here.

Have you talked to the administrative asst of your local, state, and federal representatives? Gone to their offices and asked for their help? If you feel that you're not being heard in the bureaucratic offices, the food stamp place for example, maybe go to the person you voted for & start there--ask for help navigating the system. Maybe there's a better way to get help.

I know you're up against the wall, but sometimes I have to start at a different Point A when it seems like I'm getting nowhere. If you do have a social worker, that's the over-worked person who probably knows more answers than most anyone else.

Your boyfriend has a job, so maybe you can network from that. Any chance of another few hrs a wk where he is?

Keep coming back. Never give up. Be proud of yourself that you haven't had babies you can't provide for. Try to stay in the present, and know that you've already beat the odds by making it to now. * gentle hugs *

Roadie
*throb:

Thanks you both for your kind words and suggestions. It's appreciated...Roadie, sometimes I wonder if my rights were violated too...the other day I got a call from DSHS from a woman who said my aid was denied...she said she had taken the liberty of finishing the application process for me, and she put in I was a full time student with financial aid...and that is why I was denied...even though that isn't the case. Today I tried to get in touch with the Suicide and crisis hotline....the first woman I talked to was nice...but she tried passing me off to someone else...and gave me a different number to call...then when I tried calling the number I got a "disconnected" signal. So I reached out to the online chat for the help line...but was met with a very grumpy man who keeps saying to go back to my family and have them help me...even though I explained that they wont/cant help me...so I dont know what to do at this point, when I can't even get help from the Crisis hotline =[