what NOT to say to someone with depression.....????

1. snap out of it

2. tomorrow's a diffrent day (true, it is, but for people with depression or other mental illness is not always that simple)

3. you are useless, hopeless, etc etc- it just encourages the thoughts

4. don't take it out on me (you're trying to talk to someone about it, at least be a bit gentler)

today: "why do you get upset over something you have no control over", "no point in letting something get to you that you can't change anyway"

"Are you depressed or something?"

"There are people less fortunate than you"
"I've given you everything I could and ur still not happy"
"You need to apologize to everyone for your behavior"
"I'm going to take everything away and see if you're still ungrateful"

And the worst one.........
"Don't worry, we will fix you"

Oh, yeah, I can relate to the one about apologizing--when my sister and her husband were my legal guardians, they would tell me the same thing. They'd say I was copping an attitude. And one time my brother in law even said that I was jealous of his cousin!I could never figure out where that came from.
And it's kind of funny how some people mistake depression as being ungrateful.

People can be really shallow sometimes.

When I was in high school I was really shy and overweight and people didn't talk to me because I wasn't "cool."

But after I lost the weight I looked more attractive and I was getting looks more often but I was still shy. And it turns out that although I was just really quiet and didn't talk much people almost always assumed that I was arrogant and that I thought I was better than them. Of course this was only because people thought I "looked good." It still gets me angry how judgemental people can get.

"Depression is not an illness. It is something the patient comes up with when he wants to escape the responsibilities of life!"

"I will not allow you to join the depression support group. It is just a lot of middle aged women who whine and love to make themselves and each other worse."

(Said by my ex counselor)

"I will not have you telling me 'how bad you feel'. We will not talk about suicide. You don't have depression and I will not enable your personality disorder."

"I know when someone is depressed and you are NOT. A depressed person cries all the time or talks realllllyyyy slooooowlyyyyy. You don't."

(Said by my ex psychiatrist when I was really depressed for a long time and my life had completely fallen apart because of it.)

oh man.....or girl.......that's....that hurts. Are these people in jail by now? Because they should be.

"Depression affects everyone around you." oh great...I ain't just a pain for myself I literaly make my friends and familys lives worsel. Just what I needed.

"How are you doing?" was something I didn't want to hear during particular dark times.

The doctor got promoted to boss of the inpatient wards. The counselor still works at the clinic I go to.

yikes! that's one psych ward i would avoid like the plague.

I went through horrible hell getting to a new psychiatrist. Was so terrified that I couldn't drive myself there. Husband had to take a day off work to take me. First appointment was tolerable enough to schedule a second appointment, but we still don't know if the insurance is going to work out. Doc made one small med adjustment.

I am, as you can well imagine, still in hellish misery. Day before yesterday husband said, "What's the matter? You saw the new psychiatrist, I don't get it...."

He doesn't understand why I am in a semi-homicidal mood (not really, but you understand the strength of the emotion) over that comment.

I read a quote the other day that said something like a person can try to teach you whatever they want about life but you wont really understand until you go through it. Its a true statement. Before I had any expierence with panic and anxiety attacks plus depression and psychosis I had my assumptions and was even hardcore against medication. Now......I get it...

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"Everything will be ok."
"There's nothing wrong."
Those are the two most common...

"You just need to get out and do something."
I don't have the energy and I'm too anxious to go out in public.

"You aren't trying."
I go to therapy. I take my meds. I do my exercises. What more do you want?! I don't even have the will to try.

"We just need to get your meds right. Then you'll be fine."
...no...just no. I hate taking meds, but I take them and they never work.

"Just smile!"
Screw you.

To name a few.
They never understand how much worse what they say makes us feel unless they've been through this, in which case they know what and what not to say. It is extremely frustrating.

Nomad

From my mother just the other day, "well. hang in there."

O my favourite is "You're going to hell". That always cheers me up.

When they try to lay a guilt trip on you by acting like you don't have a reason to be depressed

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I have a so-called friend that tells me I need to get off of all my medications. He doesn't want to listen to how the medications are helping me. Also he is a major pothead and feels that is OK.

It's even worse when they think there is a reason, and that the reason is yourself and that you just want to be miserable.

But yea I hate guilt trips. Or when people actually think comparing yourself will help. Like yea there are children in poor countries who don't have clean water and might be orphans living with their dying grandmother who tries to support them but they are all starving.

Like yea. I feel so much better now. I just started feeling even more like crap because there are starving kids and not much in hell I can do about it.

Ah the joys of the self-appointed self help gurus. "Did you know it takes blah-blah number of muscles to frown but only yadda yadda number of muscles to smile? So smile, it's easier than frowning!"

"Fake it until you make it." Aka pretend you're "happy" and you'll cure your depression.

There are crumbs of truth in a lot of that stuff. I'm sure we've all learned lots of self help coping strategies. But dammit, when you're struggling to just get through the day, that crap gets so old, so fast.

i had to laugh at that. i have a picture that says something like "Did you know it takes xyz muscles to frown when someone makes you mad, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and bit**slap that *(&%*&$^%$;?" Something like that. i'd have to look at it again.

ugh my brother yesterday was all "sure what have you got to be depressed about"