I am screaming but no one hears me!

I am screaming... silently.... the moods, anxiety, and depression are eating away at me.. if I were to rant loudly what goes on in my head and heart it might go something like: I hate my life! I hate feeling trapped! I am angry at myself!!!! and everyone else! I dont have choices, nor could I make them if I did!!!!! I dont have a life, I dont have friends!!!! how is this me?!?! I used to have friends.... I cant express myself!! I am controlled!! I cant control myself!!! I am angry!! I am depressed! I am not the me I hoped to be!!!!!! I feel Lost and Lonely!!!!

wow.. you sound like you have so much going on inside. I really feel for you in this situation. I have been through it myself so I truely feel your pain. I'm in the process of working with a therapist. Do you have a therapist to talk to? Sometimes it is through audible conversations with an empathetic person that we get the lonliness and pain out so we can find more happiness. Look foward to talking to you soon.

Thank you for your support. No I do not have a therapist to talk to. I have seen various counsellors of different types. I was seeing one for awhile to deal with abuse/depression issues, which I found was slowly helping, but when I get back into a rut I dont care to do anything, see anyone, or talk to anyone.. it was getting hard to talk about everything and I didnt have support in the way of childcare to get there.. it seemed hopeless and as usual I gave up on myself....sometimes I feel like why do I feel this way???? so many people in the world have had worse lives... and so I dont like to feel "sorry" for myself... though I have realized that I do need help.