this world would be better off without me

i can't be in pain no longer i've been pushed away by my foster parents. i've gotten hurt by so many men and half of them i don't know their names. I've been i so many treatment centers and i can't go back to another one. I have court pretty soon for my change in placement and I've been cutting on my arm, leg, and stomach to hide my pain. My fostermom told me that the only reason why i cut is to get attention but I cut because i have no other way to express my feelings so blame me for cutting and i don't care no more.

I'd like to take a moment to talk about my fifth favorite mammal. Humans.

Humans are imperfect. In general. A guy once claimed to be perfect and they nailed him to a cross. That said, some humans like to imprint in others what they are themselves. Like someone that loves attention might say that you do something just for attention, when it's really a problem they have, not you.

But why this? Because the human being loves to explain things. When was the last time you saw someone saying "I honestly have not a single clue what that is" ?
It's always "I think it's xx" or "I believe it might be yyy". People hate to do not understand something and then they put names to it. The astronomer Neil deGraisse Tyson (NY Planetary) says that's the reason because astronomers spend their lives looking to the sky but it's the common folk that keep seeing flying saucers...

Your mom is just human, she says what she can. Treatment centers are made of... humans... and fall into the same category. Sometimes is hard for them to reach out to you, as it is hard for you to reach out for them.

I know I never reach out... I barely made into this forum to talk about these feelings...
But then... you see.. it kinda helps me to be here talking about myself and talking about other people. In the 10 minutes that took me to write this down I've felt alive. It will go away when I'm done until I start writing again. So you see, you gave me 10 minutes of peaceful calm, so even if I don't want to, I have to say that for a fact the world would NOT be better off without you. And yes, I know I'm full of cheap tricks, you can laugh in my face ;]

Hello Elizabeth,

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I hope you have a counselor you can talk to about how you really feel. I'm sorry your foster mom does not understand. I hope your next placement is much better for you. Please keep talking here, we understand.

Hi Elizabelth and welcome to PC

I am sorry that your fostermom is saying this to you which of cause will not help you at all, I am a cutter myself so I understand you, Is there anyone that you can talk to maybe a close friend or a therapist?

Hi Elizabeth, you are among friends here. Your foster mom was absolutely, 100% wrong in telling you that. I guess foster parents don't need to know anything about psychological and mental issues. Please come back and talk to us some more.

Hi, Elizabeth. Just because you feel something doesn't make it a fact. You feel the world would be better off without you, but that is entirely untrue. You are a vital living, breathing addition to this world. There is a reason you are here. You are very special and beautiful and worthy. As you get older, and as you heal, you will be able to recognize these truths.

Cutting is a complicated and misunderstood coping mechanism. I used to cut and there are still days i want to. I also self harmed in ways that did permanent damage to my knees. For
me, i was releasing endorphins to feel better, punishing myself, recreating my abuse and showing my inner pain on the outside in the firm of scars and bruises which i'd then hide. I KNOW IT'S NOT FOR ATTENTION anymore than an alcoholic drinks for attention. What would your foster mom say to a kid with diabetes? "you just aren't producing insulin for attention" ? She is a bit on the ignorant and not so compassionate side isn't she? Sometimes when people like foster parents are overwhelmed and scared by trying to take care of someone coping with something scary or out of control, they hope it is the sufferer's fault and blame them. After all, if you really were doing this out of attention, that would be an easy solution, wouldn't it? I know this dynamic because my older sister became my guardian. She said sone VERY hurtful things before. Not because she didn't love me, not because she was stupid, but because she is human and she couldn't handle my pain.

No Elizabeth the world would be worse off without you. It is in my limited experience that good people are constantly questioning themselves while fools run rampant without a thought for the things they say and do.

Everyone won't understand your pain. I can't say I do. But there are people here who can relate to you and who you can talk to. I only ask that you remember that your life is your own and that alone makes it special. That alone makes it worth fighting for. I hope all goes well.