[shortandcute]

I think someone may have posted something like this before, but I don't remember for sure. But what do you think are things you should not say to someone who's suffering from depression?
My list includes:
1. Usually, it's just something in your diet,
2. You've just been through a lot, that's all it is.
3. If you would just trust in Jesus, you wouldn't be going through all this and wouldn't need meds.
4. You need to pray/read your Bible/go to church more.
5. You didn't pray hard enough (or correctly).
6. What secret sin are you living in that you're not telling me about? (or "there's got to be some unconfessed sin in your life")
7. You need to get right with God.
8. You are living in unforgiveness.
9. The doctors just told you that so they can make money off of you.
10. You just worry too much.
11. You just need to get more motivated.
12. "I just tell myself that I'm o.k."
13. Well, if you would just learn how to drive......
14. or....if you would just get a job......
15. You're not crazy!
16. Don't tell anyone--it'll make me look bad.

or some of my personal favorites for those of us who have been in and out of 12 step groups (Like AA or NA):
a) you need to get a sponsor
b) you aren't working the program/steps
c) you're not going to enough meetings
d) you're replacing the alcoholic/drugs with medication
e) you're not really sober; you're just a dry drunk

[yellowted]

'pull your self together man there are others out there worse off than you'
'you just need tofocus on finding a job'
'why have they given you that medication, you are not depressed'

[Travelinglady]

Sigh. I agree that these kinds of statements don't help! Of course, there's always the statements, too, like, "Just get over it," "What do YOU have to be depressed about?" (followed by the speaker's tale of what he/she has experienced), or "Stop feeling sorry for yourself!"

[unaluna]

Have you all been eavesdropping??!! I.e. on my old conversations like with my mom. Omg these are great.

[krisakira]

"I think everyone goes through that at some point. It's normal."

"Just snap out of it"
"You need to get out more"
"Think of others"

One time I was with a friend and we had a conversation about a decision I was going to have to make that I was not in favor of. The conversation between he and was not going very well. I was at a house where he was living, and just he and I stepped outside to talk. He then got tired of our conversation and said, "let's go in and talk to Shelly (a made up name). She just lost her husband recently. Let's go in and cheer her up. That should get your mind out of yourself."

Needless to say, I never saw that friend ever again. I felt bad about that woman losing her husband. I had the feeling when we went in to talk with Shelly, she seemed like she didn't want to talk at all.

[gloomyday]

Right after Christmas, I felt really depressed and my mom knew it and she said, "It seems like your being ungrateful. Because you're still thinking about harming yourself and you just got presents..." or wtf she said (I was to upset to remember). She cannot talk number one AND how does a person just snap out of depression based on gifts...I used to think money couldn't buy people happiness...but what have I experienced?...."I'm just a kid".

[venusss]

"it's chemical imbalance in your brain, go to doctor, get on meds and it will be better"
"get a boyfriend, love will cure you"
"it's just like diabetes"
"stop watching news and you'll feel better"

[ZoeyAshman]

This has actually made me smile and giggle a little inside because I have heard nearly everyone of those lines but my favourite HAS to be...

"There are people alot worse off than you, you should appreciate what you have"

Yes maybe so and I am sorry for that but that doesn't make my problems any smaller or more insignificant!!and another thing that bugs me is when people say "there was no depression in the old days, all these "medical diagnoses" are just excuses for people to behave badly or claim benefit or get sympathy.
That makes me sick when people say that!

[whenwillitend]

"i know exactly how you feel. i was once depressed for two days."

" you don't need meds, just call and talk to me and you'll be fine." (spoken by my husband's aunt with whom i have a rather not so great relationship.)

"i'm sick of this" (spoken by my husband recently)

"i don't get it. why don't you just move on." (same as above)

"i thought the meds are helping"

[ramster_hall]

I keep getting told that I'm too passive, act as if I have no "agency" in what has happened to me and then when I choose not to take particular meds I get told I'm wrong and dont know the research/havent dealt with as many people as they have.

What do they want? Me to make decisions or not to make decisions? So much for trying to take some control.

[Rohag]

PsychCentral Articles:

10 Things Not to Say to a Depressed Person
What Not to Say to a Depressed Person
Worst Things to Say to Someone Who's Depressed (100-item list!)

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by gloomyday

Right after Christmas, I felt really depressed and my mom knew it and she said, "It seems like your being ungrateful. Because you're still thinking about harming yourself and you just got presents..." or wtf she said (I was to upset to remember). She cannot talk number one AND how does a person just snap out of depression based on gifts...I used to think money couldn't buy people happiness...but what have I experienced?...."I'm just a kid".

Someone said something similar to me once:
At the time, my 2nd husband had kicked me and our son out of the house so he could move some of his hookers in with him (his excuse was that the doctor "told him" that I was the one who caused his mental illness) and filed for divorce. I rented a room from an older lady and was very depressed. I already had depression but the divorce was making it worse. I was feeling sick a lot--I found out later that my husband gave me a little "treat" that he picked up from one of his prostitutes. Well, there was another lady whose family were friends with some of my family for years. She was always helping me out, and she would often bring food for me and my son and the lady who I was living with. Well, one time she came over and I was feeling very sick that day and very depressed and discouraged. My "roommate" jumped all over me later about how ungrateful I was. I was very grateful but I was depressed and sick.

[RJ78]

This is less what someone says, and more how someone communicates...

My Mom's way of getting me to feel better is to ask a closed question like "So, you're feeling better today?" or "Well, you had a good day?"

I get so frustrated! How am I supposed to answer that when the answer is "No, what the hell makes you think I had a good day, have you not been listening to me for the past 3 months!!??"

Oh, and another favourite, again with the totally right intentions:

"All you need is more exercise" or
"you're too hard on yourself" or
"you need more structure in your life" or my all-time personal fave, said to me by an ex-girlfriend when I disclosed my medical condition (which was in serious remission)
"oh my god, are you going to kill yourself? what would I do if we had kids and you left us? I couldn't do that, I just couldn't?"

That left me with a rather large, sinking feeling, let me tell ya!

Thanks for reading, I clearly had to get some of this off my chest.

RJ

[t43t43tr5h5]

My gf has said every one of those things to me (except the meds)

[CastlesInTheAir]

one of my favorite conversations.......

them; how are you?

me; could be better

them; did you take your meds?

hate that cause if they didntt know about the meds they would just ask "what's wrong?"

[OutofTune]

Get over it. I can't tell you how badly this p!sses me off.

[A Boring Individual]

"You have no reason to feel this way. You have a great life now!"

Because, you know, trauma totally doesn't linger or anything.

[shortandcute]

oh, and another one I've been told: "It's probably just your thyroid." (I've had had my thyroid checked, thank you very much and that is not the cause of my depression!)

[awebb198488]

"Why do you take medicine for depression?" I love that one. A person would never ask me why I take medicine for high blood pressure.

"Why are you depressed?" Like it can all be summed up in one sentence!

[Turtleboy]

its been said already but "you need to get out more" makes me foam at the mouth lol
and when i was diagnosed my mothers reaction was "well its not my fault, if you got a dog you would feel better"

[TobysFreshStart]

"You have wasted potential" - Absolute killer.

[Momentofclarity]

Originally Posted by TobysFreshStart

"You have wasted potential" - Absolute killer.

oh.... story of my life.

"You'll get over it."

"Aw come on it's not that bad." or anything alike..
I know that has already been said but it can't be stressed enough.

"..my boyfriend asks me why I don't just break our contact and leave you to your destiny. I won't though. I don't wanna be responsible for a suicide." Her boyfriends 'hate' for me is one thing, but I coudn't help reading "I actually don't care about you I just don't want blood on my hands." I gave her the chance to prove different and stoped contacting her to see whether SHE would try to contact me. She didn't and ironiclly our friendship broke. Hope she lives in peace with that guy. The point I'm after is never tell a friend why you care for them with any other reason than why you enjoy being with him/her or choose to be their friend, whether your partner hates this depressive friend or not.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

its been said already but "you need to get out more" makes me foam at the mouth lol
and when i was diagnosed my mothers reaction was "well its not my fault, if you got a dog you would feel better"

Isn't it funny how defensive people get when they find out you have depression--especially family? It's as if they think you're saying something against them! Some of those comments I've gotten were from my oldest sister, who was my legal guardian for a couple of years.

[CastlesInTheAir]

I like when people tell you things you already know......

"you worry/think too much" (derrrrrr) and then say "stop worrying/thinking so much" (ok yeah its that easy to just stop thinking and worrying why didnt i think of that) thanks yoda for enlightening meeeeee

"you need a change"

etc etc etc