[GirlOfManyFaces]

I am severely depressed right now. I don't want to eat, I'm tired, I haven't slept, I'm suicidal, I want to cut, and I don't know what to do.

Today was terrible. I was just sitting in a room by myself, staring at nothing. I was dead to the world. I was gone. I wanted to die. Or slice up my arms. I wanted to cut super deep and watch myself bleed. But when I try to cut, I'm too weak to do it. I'm too weak for it to even bleed a little. The cut was barely red.

I'm exhausted and Ive slept less than 5 hrs in the past 4 days. I have night terrors. And there are so many thoughts running through my head, I literally screamed at one point. I don't want to live.

But I will never kill myself. I have one thing to live for still. I have been planning to drug myself though. Just to knock me out for a while. If I'm lucky, a few days. I want to not move, and rot where I lay.

HELP ME!!! I need advice! And fast! I don't want to do something to myself that I can't take back.

[MudCrab]

Hello, GirlOfManyFaces. Some recommended resources and hotlines include:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.suicide.org/
http://www.hopeline.com/
http://www.suicideforum.com/

The emergency room is an option. For immediate help dial 911.

[RomanSunburn]

If you have a T or pdoc, you should call them immediately. If you don't, I think you should go to the ER to stay safe. Can you call a friend or parent and ask them to take you?

Please stay safe

[Marcelo]

Good thing you are here girl. Two things are true: you have a mind strong enough to prevent further harm, and you gave me a spark of awakening this morning. It's odd to say it but i was also dead to the world, browsing here at random looking for some advice when your post got my head awake. Maybe a part of us isn't here just to discover what to do in life, but also to be there for each other.
And there's a lot of people in here for you, and this is just ONE little corner of the internet out of many, many more.

I once read this guy when I was.... needing to read something fast, let's say...
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
it's a quick reading and reallt worth it.

Meanwhile, keep talking to us. I'd be glad to hear more

[TheRealFDeal]

What is that one thing you have to live for still? Sounds like it is helping you hold on.

[grownupchild]

Just echoing what others have said, please talk to your doctor or T. You don't have to go through this on your own. You're not alone. Keep talking.

[montanan4ever]

Please, call 911 and get yourself safe. I'm worried about you and want you to LIVE. Hold on to that for now while you don't have it inside yourself, okay?

[RJ78]

Yes, please reach out to any emergency service in your area. Many of us on PC have experienced very similar symptoms, so when you can let us know how you're feeling!

RJ78

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Thank you to everyone. I don't even remember writing this forum, but thanks for the advice. I really don't want to live. And all I can do about it is write on here. I can't call anyone in fear of letting my parents know I'm like this. I don't have friends. Just me any the Internet.

[RJ78]

Hi,

Thanks for the update. Can you tell us more about your situation - do you live with your parents? Have you ever spoken with them about how you're feeling?

There are emergency services in all states where you can call and simply speak to someone on the phone. Is that a possibility? Can you see a family physician for other reasons and then talk with them about some of what you've been experiencing, so that your parents may not find out?

RJ78

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by RJ78

Hi,

Thanks for the update. Can you tell us more about your situation - do you live with your parents? Have you ever spoken with them about how you're feeling?

There are emergency services in all states where you can call and simply speak to someone on the phone. Is that a possibility? Can you see a family physician for other reasons and then talk with them about some of what you've been experiencing, so that your parents may not find out?

RJ78

I live with my parents. I am only 14 no they have no idea what's been going on.

I do not have a phone. It was taken up because my parents don't want me contacting friends. I've been in solitude for what seems like forever.

And sadly, no. That wouldn't work either. I really don't have many options

[ray272727]

Sorry you're feeling that way. I've been there too. Nothing much to add to what's already been said except I agree with some, go to the ER and get help. I've done that and just being around people who care was a big help to me.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by ray272727

Sorry you're feeling that way. I've been there too. Nothing much to add to what's already been said except I agree with some, go to the ER and get help. I've done that and just being around people who care was a big help to me.

Thank you!

Quick question though... What do you do once you get to the ER? What are you supposed to say?

[avlady]

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

I am severely depressed right now. I don't want to eat, I'm tired, I haven't slept, I'm suicidal, I want to cut, and I don't know what to do.

Today was terrible. I was just sitting in a room by myself, staring at nothing. I was dead to the world. I was gone. I wanted to die. Or slice up my arms. I wanted to cut super deep and watch myself bleed. But when I try to cut, I'm too weak to do it. I'm too weak for it to even bleed a little. The cut was barely red.

I'm exhausted and Ive slept less than 5 hrs in the past 4 days. I have night terrors. And there are so many thoughts running through my head, I literally screamed at one point. I don't want to live.

But I will never kill myself. I have one thing to live for still. I have been planning to drug myself though. Just to knock me out for a while. If I'm lucky, a few days. I want to not move, and rot where I lay.

HELP ME!!! I need advice! And fast! I don't want to do something to myself that I can't take back.

please don't do anything to yourself!!!no hurting you're hurting enough already,just think of how much pain you'll be in if you do. you will hurt everyone around you, i know my sister committed suicide and never hurt as many people more than we'll ever know,how do you think my mother felt, her brothers and sisters,how will your parents or guardians take it, i also had 2 baby brothers die in front of my own eyes,please be safe and call crisis services now!!!before you do anything!!!

[avlady]

i also stayed in bed for over a year one time when was really bad after accident, all i wanted to do was sleep, get your sleep and don't try to hurt yourself, but take those three days of sleep and don't do anythingeven if you have to go to the doctors to help you sleep, i understand you need sleep-sleep for a year like i did i got the help i needed to stay alive and the will to let me want to live

[avlady]

I hope i didn't overreact

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by avlady

please don't do anything to yourself!!!no hurting you're hurting enough already,just think of how much pain you'll be in if you do. you will hurt everyone around you, i know my sister committed suicide and never hurt as many people more than we'll ever know,how do you think my mother felt, her brothers and sisters,how will your parents or guardians take it, i also had 2 baby brothers die in front of my own eyes,please be safe and call crisis services now!!!before you do anything!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

But I've been strong and stayed alive for this long. I don't know if I can do it much longer. You have no idea how much I would like to be admitted in a hospital. I'm afraid of what I might do to myself. But I can't tell my parents what is wrong with me. They never let me finish talking. They don't understand.
I need serious help and I can't tell anyone about it.

The only solution I came up with is to get rid of the whole situation. I just don't want to fight anymore. I've been defeated.

[RJ78]

Ok thanks for the extra context. When you get to the ER, you present yourself and tell the person at the counter that you need help immediately and that you're suicidal. This type of situation is not that unusual at an ER, many people, including on this site, have done so in the past. I haven't, though I almost did several times in the fall, so maybe someone who has can be more specific, but it's not something to be shameful about.

If you do this, your parents will find out, but it is important that they know about your symptoms.

Keep us posted?

RJ78

[Marcelo]

Hi girl,

just this morning I discovered what for me was a most amazing fact. A friend of mine, the girl everyone thinks is the epitome of hapiness, was depressed and on meds once, cutting herself and all, the whole package - parents can't know, no friends, alone and sad.
That came as a good shock, and somehow I sense it came in time to relay her story forward.

"You are never defeated."

That you are here speaks two FACTS: you can reach out for people and make friends (hey, WE are here, we're people... most of us are I believe ;p) and two, you know what you can do to/for yourself.

If you can go downhill, you can go uphill. You wouldn't be afraid without rational thought on the matter, and rational thought is a good thing: you can take a deep breath, put your head straight and let's work together. Share more about your feelings. Writting it out also helps.

I also feel there's a bit more of backstory going on: your parents taking your phone and oblivious to some facts tells me there is something THEY are afraid of. ok, i'm expeculating, but feel free to talk to us.

Actually, I'd appreciate if you keep talking to us. Helping others in their time of need is what brought me out of my own depression, so far

[montanan4ever]

Why don't your parents want you to have a phone or friends? What are they afraid of?

As someone else said, when you present at the ER, you tell them what you told us here. Your parents will have to find out, but trust me, they would MUCH rather discover you are suicidal and getting care than to discover your mutilated or dead body.

[RomanSunburn]

If you go to the hospital, your parents will be forced to listen. And that would be a good thing for your situation. You will be heard, you will be kept safe, you will start getting treatment.

I went to the hospital once. It was a few years ago. But my mom drove me to the hospital and I believe I told them that I was feeling dangerously suicidal. They found a bed for me at a mental health center and I stayed for a week. We had groups, meetings with therapists and pdocs, plus some free time for journaling and taking us to the gym to run around.

Please keep staying safe. You can do this, you are strong.