[spaceid]

This past month my depression has gotten pretty bad. I am under a lot of stress and do not feel happy. I was seeing a therapist which was ok for a while, but the more I saw her the less I felt I could open up. Plus my insurance company kept giving me the run around on my coverage and I just got tired of it so I stopped seeing her. I think she was a good therapist though and I miss her, but I can't afford it anymore.

I feel like I really need someone to talk to, but I don't know who to go to. I get too embarrassed having to talk to people about my problems. There is a free service offered through my school, but I would have to talk to someone on the phone about why I want to see a therapist and that makes me uncomfortable.

I feel very out of control with my life and especially in regards to my relationship and my plans with school. I could write a book in regards to all of the things that are upsetting me, but I don't feel I can talk to anyone. I'm just really tired and I want to be happy again.

Any advice?

[carrie_ann]

i don't know how things work in america so can't help with suggestions there but is there perhaps a school counsellor or teacher you could talk to regarding getting the free help offered without having to explain over the phone?

sorry i'm no help, just wanted to let you know someone cares ... and hope you get some better answers

[adam_k]

You can always post what is bothering you on here. Insurance companies can be jerks, but if you keep pushing them they will do what your policy says. You might be able to make your therapists office do that for you. My old doctor's office would deal with all the insurance stuff. I hope you find some help. It can be a enormous burden to be depressed for a while with no support. If you just want someone to talk to you can P.M. me.

[montanan4ever]

Can you tell us anything more about the required phone call? Is there anything in writing anywhere about what they would want to know? Or is it more like you call the school counseling center and say (for example), "Listen, I'm horribly depressed and I really need to see someone soon. I feel a,b,c,d...."?

In my school counseling center setup, that's how it works. There's a little blurb about it on their webpage.

["Tilly may"]

talk to us, we will listen and try to help you.

[spaceid]

I should try to do the school counseling. I always feel embarrassed when it comes time to talk to someone.

The things that are bothering me the most are my relationship and my student loans. In August the guy I am seeing and I had a discussion where I just felt really bad afterward. I felt like he was nitpicking me. He however thought we had a great conversation and I guess he was happy to get whatever was on his mind out his mouth. I had a completely opposite reaction to this conversation than he did. I tried to talk to him about it the next day, but I was driving with him back home on a 5 hour drive and he said we shouldn't talk about this while I was driving. We haven't talked about it since and think about it everyday.

The second thing that is on my mind is that I'm graduating college next year and I have private student loans from a previous college I attended. They want me to start paying them around $2500 a month as soon as I graduate. I've run out of time to take financial hardships and a couple of years ago they tried to sue me. That is one of the main reasons I went back to school, so they would stop harassing me. I haven't been able to get a job that pays more than $11/hour and cannot afford $2500 a month.

I'm to the point where I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I honestly don't see where I can have any future with this loan hanging over my head. I also have federal loans on top of that to pay as well. I don't know how I'm going to support myself.

[spaceid]

These aren't the only things that have been bothering, but it just seems like everything single thing that could stress me out is happening all at once. My personality has been changing. I get angry very easily to the point where I'm developing road rage. I'm just not caring about people anymore like I used to. I'm annoyed by anything that goes wrong when usually I could turn the other cheek very easily.

[allimsaying]

Hi space. Im working on anger issues too. For me it started as sadness that things werent what I expected, sadness for things I observed and experienced. Fear played a role, developing into anger, and then road rage. Pretty soon angry was my normal mood. Anger became hate for awhile and then things really sucked. Ive been moving in reverse now and the anger returned to fear, sadness but at times the anger can still be triggered pretty quickly. Helping is that I see people outside myself as real living beings, with thoughts and emotions like mine. I dont want to hurt them. That cycle has gone far enough. Learning to love them again has been the most helpful for me. I know we cant make changes until we're ready so Im not pressuring you. I just wanted to say I know how you feel and I hope things get better.

[adam_k]

Im sorry to here about your school loans. The loan collectors can be jerks, but they can't expect you to $2500 a month. I'm an engineer and I can't afford to pay that much. They can take you to court or whatever but they can't get from you what you don't have. They can garnish your wages but they have to leave you so much money to live on. I think it is like $300 or something. That is probably most of your paycheck you'll get to keep anyway. Stress can manifest itself in a lot of ways, but I see anger as a common outlet. I think it is normal to be more angry with this hanging over your head.