I haven't been dealing with my depression for a while. I stopped taking my medication a number of months ago - I discussed this with my doctor who advised me that he felt I could make the decision when I was ready. When it finally left my system, I felt the decision to stop was the correct one. My emotions felt like they were in check...I wasn't feeling imbalanced. Sure, I had off days, but I felt better.

Recent months have seen some challenges arise. Certain issues have resurfaced and new problems continue to plague me. But, for the most part, I have been successful at dealing with them and feeling okay about it.

Today, however, is a different story. In fact, this whole weekend has been more difficult than life has been for me in a long time. I suspect that's why I recently joined this site - because I could feel the challenges starting to become too much.

So far, I've met some really supportive people here. And that's great, but to be honest, no one really knows the whole story yet. Not even any therapists that I've been to. There is a good reason for that as well - I had two therapists in the span of two months before last summer...I live in a transient town, and both of those therapists moved out of the city during my treatment. It exhausted my ability to talk to anyone new.

Now that I'm here, I'm nervous to discuss everything that's causing my troubles. And today has just been a really bad day. I feel like I'm back at square one and I've made no progress. My emotions are really on my sleeve today and I can't hold them back however they decide to come out.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. I don't know what I need. Maybe I just want to know I'm not alone...

[adam_k]

You're not alone. Sometimes life is hard and with depression it feels worse. I find talking about what is bothering helpful. The people here a compasionate, and understand what im going through. Now that things are worse, do you think the meds will help again? Maybe therapy or a friend to confide in? I hope things get better for you. If you need someone to talk to im here.

[Sam2]

Most people have at least one thing that they will go to great lengths to protect. Emotional pain can be just as if not more devestating than physical illness. There are doors that you keep locked because opening them would be dangerous to you. That is one reason why therapy can take so long. There has to be no doubt in your mind that the therapist is trustworthy.

Once you say something, you can't take it back. If what is behind the door is threatening enough, no price is too great to pay to protect your emotional mind.

You are right, starting over with another therapist is a huge stress. Especially if you had just started to trust them. No one here is going to try and make you talk about something that you don't want to. I'm sure we all have those locked doors. Finding someone you can trust is crucial to your recovery. Remember, you control the therapy session. You can choose to talk or not or quit if you want to. We will all be here to support you as much as we can.

Sam2

Originally Posted by adam_k

Now that things are worse, do you think the meds will help again? Maybe therapy or a friend to confide in?

I haven't really had a day I wasn't able to handle up until the past few days. A whole bunch of things kind of hit all at once and became more than I can handle. That said, if those things ease off, I may not need to go back on the meds quite yet. But if it continues, it's something I'll have to consider. Talking about things can sometimes work both ways - sometimes it helps to get things out in the open; but sometimes it hinders because it brings it all back to the surface again and makes me feel terrible. *sigh* I'll sort it out...I think. Thanks for the support either way...

Originally Posted by Sam2

There are doors that you keep locked because opening them would be dangerous to you. That is one reason why therapy can take so long. There has to be no doubt in your mind that the therapist is trustworthy.

I'm not sure if that's my concern so much as how it makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. I generally don't have trust issues - I haven't had too many things happen to me to make me develop them. And it's not that I'm afraid to tell my story to a therapist per se...it's more that I'm wasting my time if they aren't going to be around in two or three sessions. It's just frustrating when they don't tell you that from jump. I suppose that's probably not as much of an issue in most places, but here it definitely is. As I said to Adam...thank you for your support and kind words...

[adam_k]

Originally Posted by FrightenedRabbit

sometimes it helps to get things out in the open; but sometimes it hinders because it brings it all back to the surface again and makes me feel terrible. *sigh* I'll sort it out...I think. Thanks for the support either way...

Somethings are painful to talk about. I have a hard time talking to people in my life about things, mainly about depression. I should say that, I don't talk to anyone except my wife and it's taken me 8 years to talk about my depression. My family wasn't very supportive and made me feel bad for being depressed. I started to bury the feelings and put on a smile for everyone, I can only pretend for so long. When I was younger I found a therapists that helped me. I want to go back to her, but she only does therapy for kids and teens now. I have to find a new person to talk to and I just don't know where to start.

I hope you find resolution for the things bothering you.