[Igiveup37]

So I've been thinking lately that I have to start looking a certain way or act a certain way just to get someone to like me or even be in a relationship with me. I am 6ft about 280 pounds. I've had a few failed relationships, but the thing that gets me more is when someone tells me I am too ugly or fat for them. I've even been told I needed weight watchers and Jenny Craig. I don't or even haven't thought I was ugly until about a month ago. It's putting me into an even deeper depression that I was in before. What do I do? I'm tired of looking and meeting people, and then just getting put down

[Travelinglady]

Shame on these folks for not seeing what's inside. Yes, some people can't get past looks (and even claim they're telling people about Jenny Craig or WW or whatever for the person's own good.) But, I can say from personal experience, since I am officially obese, that I KNOW I am obese. And I don't need anyone pointing that out!

I do believe we should try to maintain or get back to a normal weight, but this does not happen over night. I am still the same person I was when I was a normal weight.

Many of us here, I dare say, are overweight. I try not to get depressed about it, and it makes me mad when folks mention it. My mother is good at doing that--or maybe I should say "bad."

Some men like women who have some meat on their bones. If you encounter a man or anybody who says what they have said to you, then to answer your question, I say it's "everyone else."

[optimize990h]

Hello Igiveup37! Welcome to PsychCentral!

If you have any questions you can ask one of the PC members through private email or leave a note on the member's profile page.

You should try yoga. A member I forget who or where on the forums put this video about yoga. It's about a man who overcame his depression through yoga. You don't have to attend classes as you can practise yoga from watching a DVD. It was very inspiring because the man needed canes to walk but he reached his goal and was able to run without any aids.

Anyways keep coming back. Take care.

[allimsaying]

Hi 37,

Like Payne said above, some guys like bigger women. Sounds like you may not have met one yet.

Those feelings of being bullied are hard. it feels like the whole world is against you when a gang of eight begin to pick on you. Ive been there. These people dont represent the whole planet but it can seem that way if its your current culture.

Your post doesnt mention your age. Heres some corny simple advice. You are the captain of your own ship. You can choose where you go, who you see, what you let bother you. Not easy I know, but still true.

When they tell you you are fat and ugly, tell yourself that they are unkind people for being that way. They have a lot to wake up to and one day they will, or spend their lives hurting and being hurt. Sounds like you want a different route. Thats a good place to be but it hurts right now.

[Meonly76]

People can be hurtful on purpose or by being honest, but either way it still hurts and still makes you feel bad, the only thing I can suggest is that you think about what type of person are they if they actually say those words to you, not say it in a roundabout way to explain lack of attraction, but actually come out and say they think you are 'fat' or 'ugly', because if they are using those words they must know it will be hurtful, which in my mind makes them ugly inside, but they have to live with thta horrid ball of anger or hatred they carry around inside that makes them treat people like that. And would you really want someone like that to be with? People tend to look at each other in a different light when thet get to know each other, and become less concerned about looks, and that is because they look at a person they have come to like/love and see them as attractive.