Nothing But Despair and Darkness...

In my life.... and dark feelings/morbid thoughts... Its been like this for so long and the scary thing is its just gotten worse as the years gone by.. Like it just keeps getting a little worse each year or something. Like i dont deserve happiness or something.. i don't know. or i'm cursed. The darkest feelings and thoughts you could imagine.. And that awful feeling that things are never going to get better and im just gonna end up in the hospital.

Are you taking meds for depression? Are you seeing a therapist? Those two things are the ways I help keep such feelings at bay. You might not need much medication or to see a therapist very often, but I think you do need to have them in place. Okay?

Yes, I'm taking medicine, don't think its doing enough though..

You are not alone in having such feelings. Continue to fight the good fight. See a therapist. Get yourself out for some exercise.

I feel the same. For me it gets worse every day. The way I see it, though, is that nobody deserves anything. Everything is just the way it is. My therapist told me I didn't deserve to be depressed, then I pissed him off when I asked him, do you deserve your job and the money you're making? I don't think anybody deserves what they get, its just a series of events that leads up to that point, nobody is in control of it. But the way I see reality is very dark and hopeless, I think in order to be happy you have to believe in nonsense and illusions like consciousness and free will. You have to completely ignore all of the negative things. I don't know, man.

Well, you know the story, "when life gives you a lemon, make lemonade".

The truth is that most of what many of us needed is bloodwork to determine the deficiency of vitamins and minerals we have been missing for who-knows-how-long because of the nutrition robbed by psychotropic meds over the years.

Please get some bloodwork done to determine if you are low on the B vitamins, A,C,D3,E etc., right down the line. Chances are you are low on any number of them, and you haven't been strong enough as a result to get out and live a little.

Be pro-active in your care. Rely on supplementing your diet with good, nutritious foods that strengthen your feeling tone.

Please get the help you need. It's available for you and there's no need for you to feel such dreadfully lonely and sad feelings. You are a really special person who deserves to have a life of at least contentment if not down-right happiness!

Be good to yourself and get the advice from an internist about your vitamin and mineral needs to boost your feeling tone.

Remember, though, that vitamins and minerals aren't helpful unless they are taken with food. If you're going to go on your own to improve your health, please purchase only pharmaceutical grade vitamins. They are the best to help the most in the short and long run. Your pharmacist can give you information about which ones are pharmaceutical grade.

I'd start by adding Omega 3 fatty acids. Recent research indicates that
Omega 3 fatty acids may be the first real successful supplement to treat
Bipolar Illness. They are wonderful for me--I use Nordic Omega 3, but
there are many others. Nordic just has such a pleasant lemon flavor (no
fish flavor).

Good wishes.

But would that be enough to replace meds? probably not i'm guessing...

Well, it would be a big--gggg step forward toward better feeling tone. It might mean that you could lower your dosage of meds after 6 months or so. The object is to get your medications down to a tolerable level by interacting yourself to help your body recover.

Depression can be alleviated. But not to do anything to help yourself is one way
to see no progress. You don't have to be med free to feel soooo-o much better.

I still take a very small amount of medication, but things are very stable, and I watch my diet more so than ever before, because I know that it has 90% to do with how well I feel and do the things I want to do.

If you could take only 20% of the medications you're currently taking for depression,
you would probably be very willing and happy to be able to get along well without
needing more than that.

So much has to do with diet, vitamins, and fatty acids and minerals. Please don't sell yourself short on your ability to take charge and get things going for you as you wish.

I hope you will act to help yourself and feel better soon.

Good wishes.

I feel pretty simularly, though maybe with a bit of paranoia or something weird...maybe it's just extreme anxiety but I keep getting really worried about things I later find to be a little bit ridiculous.

It doesn't help living at my moms place and constantly having to deal with her boyfriend who I am pretty sure disregards me because I am 'mental' whenever I have something of importance to say. Too much more and I am quite sure I'll be ending up in the hospital myself.

I don't really have any advice, I just know it sucks a lot feeling that way.

Hi. I'm Wanty
Word for word I feel the same! Truly know the saying "Life sucks, then you die". Not helpful but we can cry together.

Hey, i messaged you a while back, never heard back from ya....

hmm I'll have to look, I am kind of bad at keeping track of messeges here.