I just feel like absolute crap. I'm feeling like a lost speck that no one can see. Don't even know what to start with. Even though my relationship was a farce, and I kept going back to someone who doesn't love me, I feel lost without him. I realize this post won't make sense. I use to wait for my husband. Now I'm alone and supposedly better off because I finally woke up and realized I was being used and abused. It sucked being with him but having absolutely no one sucks more!

[2_b_free]

Kelly -

I have been single and free since the 90's. Getting out of a bad relationship was hard, but now that some much time has passed it is like I never knew him at all. He is a stranger. At first I was depressed, now after all these years I have an active social life, wonderful friends who love me and a place I belong.

Today I am independent, great career, and had the courage to get wls and lose 155 pounds. Looking back to what kind of person I would have been had I stayed, that is a horrid dark thought.

[Leed]

Hi dear Kelly ~ It hasn't been that long since you broke up with "him." You're still reeling from being single all of a sudden. It still feels strange to you since you'd been with him for so long.

It will start feeling more "normal" in a while. Give it a little time, and you'll begin to like being your own person, and not having to answer to anyone. You'll enjoy not having anyone harping at you about money you spend, or what time you got home, or any of the things that we women get crabbed at.

You'll soon have friends to go out with, and have lunch with, etc. So get some new clothes and be ready for your nights out & lunch dates. LOL And don't think about the past. It's over and done with! Thinking about it only drags you down and causes you more depression. Yesterday is gone. There's nothing you can do about it. Let it GO. There's a GOOD reason you're not with him anymore, right? YOU WERE ABUSED! So forget about it. You have a NEW LIFE -- be happy about it. Tomorrow is a new day, and it's exciting!! So CELEBRATE! HUGS, Lee

Originally Posted by 2_b_free

Kelly -

I have been single and free since the 90's. Getting out of a bad relationship was hard, but now that some much time has passed it is like I never knew him at all. He is a stranger. At first I was depressed, now after all these years I have an active social life, wonderful friends who love me and a place I belong.

Today I am independent, great career, and had the courage to get wls and lose 155 pounds. Looking back to what kind of person I would have been had I stayed, that is a horrid dark thought.

2Bfree~
Thanks so much! Maybe in time that will be what I feel like, a stranger...not someone that I thought he was. He was becoming more and more someone I thought I knew but didn't because of all his deception. My depression was spiraling out of control and he kept feeding it. Somehow I think he wanted me to feel pain and enjoyed seeing me suffer. Yes, to think where I would be if things hadn't changed, is much worse than dealing with what I'm guessing is fear of the unknown. Abuse was familiar, I know that sounds wrong, I guess I just mean it was too easy to stay with him because I felt (and still do) like I don't deserve to be respected because I've never had any confidence.
I'm glad for you that things worked out.

[QUOTE=Leed;2900498]Hi dear Kelly ~ It hasn't been that long since you broke up with "him." You're still reeling from being single all of a sudden. It still feels strange to you since you'd been with him for so long.

It will start feeling more "normal" in a while. Give it a little time, and you'll begin to like being your own person, and not having to answer to anyone. You'll enjoy not having anyone harping at you about money you spend, or what time you got home, or any of the things that we women get crabbed at.

You'll soon have friends to go out with, and have lunch with, etc. So get some new clothes and be ready for your nights out & lunch dates. LOL And don't think about the past. It's over and done with! Thinking about it only drags you down and causes you more depression. Yesterday is gone. There's nothing you can do about it. Let it GO. There's a GOOD reason you're not with him anymore, right? YOU WERE ABUSED! So forget about it. You have a NEW LIFE -- be happy about it. Tomorrow is a new day, and it's exciting!! So CELEBRATE! HUGS, Lee[/

Getting tired now want to say more...THANKYOU sooo much for being here. You know me already and my heart overflows with thanks for your understanding! Letting go is what I've needed to do for sooo long. Yes I'm still reeling from the newness of being single...going to fall asleep..I hooe you are getting better

[RJ78]

Hi Kelly,

I don't know you, but you're not invisible to me at all. You seem like a caring, forthright person, who will one day look back at a particular relationship and thank the heavens that she's no longer in it.

Until then, try your best to build a new network of support that will nurture you and your needs in ways that build up your confidence. I'm working on this, and in the moments when I can see it all coming together, I feel such relief. In the other moments I feel terribly lonely, but the growing glimmer of hope stays lit longer and longer.

RJ

RJ~
Thanks so much...I am a person who doesn't like to be dishonest so I appreciate that. And I do care. In this lengthy relationship I feel like I lost myself, who I used to be. I have a few "friends" in real life, but I got so wrapped up in my depression that I feel like I can't reconnect, and they live far away. There is one support group in town, tried it but there were only 3 other people and they don't talk. But I may try it again.
I wish I could thank the heavens, but why did I waste so much of my life and have to suffer? I guess I wasnt listening for what I needed to do. I can only change myself not him.

[RJ78]

I hear you Kelly. I had a break up last year and I'm still mired in it, in the sense that I have obsessive thoughts and feelings about her quite often. I can't for the life of me see anything positive that has come out of that relationship, it just hurts. And I beat myself up because it hurts.

But, I can say that I feel much better about past situations that were similar. I've convinced myself that all I can do in the present is continue to build the support networks I need to survive with this bloody illness. It's slow, painstaking work, but I don't know any other way. I've been making friends in this new town by doing things I enjoy and meeting people who are into the same type of stuff.

Do you have a hobby or passion that you have enjoyed in the past?

I'm thinking about you!

RJ