[adam_k]

My wife went to the doctor today and she asked about my anxiety. My doctor said the meds should have made me feel better now. I have an appointment to go see her Monday. I feel really bad today. I just want to say screw everything, leave work and crawl in a hole and hide from the world. I also think I might have borderline personality disorder. A lot of the symptoms seems pretty familar. Maybe I don't. I just know things aren't good and I'm not sure what to do. I emailed a new therapist to try and get an appointment. This week started out okay, but I feel really bad today.

I also think I'm screwing my job up. It's hard to focus and I can't get anything done. I want to quit but I need the money and insurance. I'm not sure, if I am just depressed or if I truly hate my job. I know I used to like it but recently I dread coming in. I used to like the people I worked with, but recently I feel like an outsider. I want people to like me, but at the same time I hate when people come over to talk. I just want to be left alone.

Hi Adam...I'm not sure what to say about the medication, but I sympathize with you on the job front. Whenever I'm feeling at my lowest points, I feel like I can't do anything right at work. Some days, I end up calling sick...others, I go in and stare at the computer. When I'm not facing my depression head on, I love my job. I really think that it's probably because of what you're facing.

I hope things get better for you soon.

[unaluna]

You're gonna need a heckuva lot more than a couple lousy 20 mg of Prozac to not feel 95k of student loans. I don't think wife is being straight with you. Your Dr should not be discussing your "feelings" with your wife, whether you share a Dr or not. That's against HIPAA privacy rules. You have to invite her into the room or onto the phone or have something on file. It can't be casual conversation. Sorry I sound cranky, it's been a long week and it's not over yet. Plus I kinda been in your shoes, and just Prozac didn't do it! I needed xanax...

[RJ78]

I loved my job when I first arrived in this new city I live in now, and then I hated it when I got deeply depressed last year, and now that I'm on new meds and feeling substantially better than last year, I'm back to loving my job.

Nothing about my job changed in the meantime, the only thing that did was my interpretation of others in the workplace. Were they judging me? Did they think I was ding a good job? Was it my fault that we had a conflict? Am I too sensitive? Etc, etc.

When you meet your doc on Monday, tell her about your recent symptoms and ask about your meds and dosages and all of that stuff. Find out as much as you can about the meds you are taking so you're prepared for the appointment beforehand. Oh, and I met with a psychiatrist recently and they were super helpful in answering questions about my meds and others. I'd suggest you do the same if you can.

RJ

[adam_k]

Originally Posted by hankster

You're gonna need a heckuva lot more than a couple lousy 20 mg of Prozac to not feel 95k of student loans. I don't think wife is being straight with you. Your Dr should not be discussing your "feelings" with your wife, whether you share a Dr or not. That's against HIPAA privacy rules. You have to invite her into the room or onto the phone or have something on file. It can't be casual conversation. Sorry I sound cranky, it's been a long week and it's not over yet. Plus I kinda been in your shoes, and just Prozac didn't do it! I needed xanax...

I asked my wife to talk to her while she was there. I doubt my doctor would have brought it up unless she was concerned. My wife was also in the same room when we had our inital appointments to met the new doctor.

The loans don't really bother me at the moment. I gave her some money to set it right and I am not on the hook for the money. I have washed my hands of it.

I am concerned with my own self at the moment. The constant suicidal ideation. The abysmal amount of self esteem I have left for myself at the moment. The increasing amount of anger I have for myself. My recent lack of caring about things that used to matter. Honestly at the moment my wife is the only reason I don't self destruct. I haven't told her any of this, I don't want to overwhelm her. I'm just trying to hold out for therapy. I think a lot of my issues lie within me.

[TheRealFDeal]

Yeah, your meds are not working. I'm glad that you are seeking therapy, because even if/when you find the right meds, they won't cure you. I also recommend finding a psychiatrist to help you find the right one(s) to work for you. My pdoc promised that he would be persistent, and that it might seem to take a long time, but we got it right on the first one. You are in a bad place... you need to move fast.

I also had a similar experience with my job. I thought I hated it, would find myself losing time while simply staring at my computer monitor, and was afraid I was doing a terrible job. It's much better now, and I'm feeling productive and useful. So I, too, think it may just be where you're at right now. Not concentrating and such, are all signs of something terribly out of sorts with you.

Keep us posted.