Everything

Tonight I feel as though I am falling apart, like everything I had that was good is being taken from me. Sitting at home alone, with only my six month old son for company. My husband is working at his second job right now. He was planning on taking tomorrow off and spending the day with us, but of course the other dishwasher called in tonight and tomorrow, so of course I'm left with yet another long, angonizing, and endless night of lonliness. My mom is spending the night tonight, but big deal, she doesn't arrive until 8:30 and plans on leaving first thing tomorrow. I'm sorry for complaining, everyone in real life is sick of me and probably on these boards as well, as I've been absent from the forums for a ciuple years. Due to my own problems mostly, just don't the energy to write much these days.
I just really needed to say this somewhere, anywhere. My husband plans on (hopefully) quitting his evening job in the next few weeks, but I'm not sure I can make it that long. I know it's selfish, but I feel like I'm falling apart. I no longer have the energy to take care of our baby all day and night by myself, he doesn't like me and is a total daddy's boy. Another failure on my part.
I can't sit here in my own destructive thoughts anymore. I really feel like another day of this and I'm going to do literally snap. I just bought a new phone the other day, new number and everything, but I have no friends and it never rings, so I'm suroundded by nothing more than this deadly silence and my and the rest of the world's burning hatred.
Sorry for the post. Just need to do something beside sit here and hate myself. I really don't know where to go from here.

sorry

My ex-husband would abandon me and my new born baby for weeks at a time. That was a terrifying and excruciating time for me. So I do understand the loneliness you are feeling. Despite the hurt and pain, my son was an incredible source of comfort to me during those times, however - this became marred by my subsequent post partum depression.

Have you considered seeking help for post partum depression?

I am so sorry that you are feeling so lonely right now.

I know it feels like everything is falling apart. But it is not your fault. No madder what you feel your son does love you. Dont say sorry for venting to us or at least me, You are going though a hard time and need to get it out or it will eat you from the inside. I know the quietness you describe and it is not conforting, I wish I could do some thing but know I cant. So just remember that you can talk here and you are not alone.