[Patoman04]

I'm a weird person when it comes to weather and mood. I hate the warm sunshine in the summer. I get depressed starting in spring. The reason being I am a nut for winter sports (specifically skiing). Well its getting to be that time of year again when I realize that the season is over, I have accumulated a mountain of next-to-permanent injuries, and I have no money left. I had my last ski for the season this weekend where I went down hard on a jump and fractured a vertebrae. It was all in all a good season, but I'm just dreading the next 2 weeks when I know the depression is gonna hit me hard. I hate summer. It reminds me of all the times when other kids in school took summer vacations in disney land while I had to sit in the backyard at my grandparents' house doing yard work. I dont like breaks from school because they remind me of the fact that I have no friends. I'd rather have a winter break so I could ski to take my mind off of this. Sadly, this summer I will be both alone and bored. No plans whatsoever and I cant get a job. This makes me even more depressed since I wont be able to save up for next year's season. I don't think I can live knowing that i'd miss a season of doing the only thing that keeps me going. For years now I've looked for friends to ski with that maybe I could talk to as well in the summertime. So far everyone I ask either cannot keep up with my level of skiing (I compete on the national level occasionally) Or doesn't like me for one reason or another. So here I am, looking towards a terrible and depressing summer with nothing to do and no one to talk to. I've heard bad things about what happens when someone gets too depressed and alone for too long and I dont want to be there. What can I do knowing that I have no money, no friends and no interests of any kind? My parents tell me to take up swimming or running, but it just doesnt do it for me. Nothing compares to the feeling of flying through the air, spinning and flipping to my heart's content. I have no interest in skating, otherwise I'd have done that as a temporary replacement. Last summer I worked and sat in my room and watched my ski videos allllll summer. I know there are places I could go skiing during the summer, but its soooooooo expensive. I hate school and am thinking about dropping out because I'm so sick of it. I have no focus at all. For the last 3 months, I've sat in every class daydreaming. Its making me fail the classes. What do I do? I have no other interests. Skiing is my life and I want nothing else. I'd give up everything and live homeless just for the chance to ski every day if thats what it took. Does anyone else have this kind of obsession? How do I stop this storm of negative feelings that is coming so soon?

[allimsaying]

I was going to suggest using the off season to study ski videos, but you already covered that. Its hard to think of an answer. Maybe you could ask other ski enthusiasts what they do? Are there any ski oriented forums to research on the web?

I like rock hunting but its a summer activity, in the off season I plan future trips and do research.

[RJ78]

Hi Patoman,

What you're describing as your anticipation of the onset of depression is one of my major depressive symptoms - once I start to slip a wee little bit, my mind goes into overdrive about going to the darkest place ever. It can be really tough.

1- Have you spoken with a therapist or physician about your symptoms? If not, I think it could help, my new meds are pretty great for me. I can focus on work and get suff done and stop obsessing about things I have no control over (like seasons).

2- Have you ever considered getting some summer skis. I just did a search online and found images of people skiing all over cities with skis with blades on them. I know it's not flying through the air, but it'll keep you in shape. Also, I saw images of people using those skis to compete in slalom events.

3- When you don't have friends, the best thing to do is try to make some. And the easiest way to make friends is to take up an activity or something so that you can meet people who have similar interests.

RJ

[Astridetal]

I can relate to how lonely and depressign it can be not being able to pursue your passion. What I'm thinking is, can you get any hobbies besides skiing? I was also thinking if you can get help with yoru social isolation issues. I hav eno friends either, but I feel that connecitng with people helps some even if they aren't going to be friends.

[Patoman04]

Originally Posted by allimsaying

I was going to suggest using the off season to study ski videos, but you already covered that. Its hard to think of an answer. Maybe you could ask other ski enthusiasts what they do? Are there any ski oriented forums to research on the web?

I like rock hunting but its a summer activity, in the off season I plan future trips and do research.

Sadly other skiiers at my level typically have the money to ski in the summer. They travel to Chile or Alaska during the sumer months and ski that way. I dont have that kind of money and for now, no way of saving up for anything like that. I will be planning several trips during the summer, but it won't take me all summer to plan them. I already struggle as it is with SI. The last thing I need is isolation. I feel like im in a prison right now. Its snowing outside, yet I cannot go skiing. I can feel it already and I think I'll be skipping school tomorrow on account of I wont be able to control my depression....

[Patoman04]

Originally Posted by RJ78

Hi Patoman,

What you're describing as your anticipation of the onset of depression is one of my major depressive symptoms - once I start to slip a wee little bit, my mind goes into overdrive about going to the darkest place ever. It can be really tough.

1- Have you spoken with a therapist or physician about your symptoms? If not, I think it could help, my new meds are pretty great for me. I can focus on work and get suff done and stop obsessing about things I have no control over (like seasons).

2- Have you ever considered getting some summer skis. I just did a search online and found images of people skiing all over cities with skis with blades on them. I know it's not flying through the air, but it'll keep you in shape. Also, I saw images of people using those skis to compete in slalom events.

3- When you don't have friends, the best thing to do is try to make some. And the easiest way to make friends is to take up an activity or something so that you can meet people who have similar interests.

RJ

Hey thanks for this,
to answer the questions,

1- I am seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for bipolar and psychosis. Lots of meds and treatments, but nothing that has worked yet.

2- I would do this, but again, I have no money to afford anything this summer, and sadly those type of skis arent quite made for tricks, which is the sole reason I ski. I'm going to try and do a marathon this summer, but as of right now, I have zero motivation for it.

3- The reason I dont have friends is because I'm very picky about who I talk to and trust. I refuse to talk to anyone who isnt interested in skiing since it seems that its all I ever talk about and therefore it drives everyone else insane. Its difficult to find people with the amount of passion I have for anything. I guess you could say its more of an obsession/addiction. If I find people who have similar interests, Ill be sure to hold onto them well. Only problem is I live in Indiana which is the flattest place in the world. Finding ski enthusiasts here is like finding a needle in a haystack. A really freakin big haystack.

[allimsaying]

Originally Posted by Patoman04

Sadly other skiiers at my level typically have the money to ski in the summer. They travel to Chile or Alaska during the sumer months and ski that way. I dont have that kind of money and for now, no way of saving up for anything like that. I will be planning several trips during the summer, but it won't take me all summer to plan them. I already struggle as it is with SI. The last thing I need is isolation. I feel like im in a prison right now. Its snowing outside, yet I cannot go skiing. I can feel it already and I think I'll be skipping school tomorrow on account of I wont be able to control my depression....

I should have waited to reply to you, last night I was feeling pretty wiped out when I answered. Now Im only half awake lol.

I think your post illustrates well what causes depression and what the symptoms can be. There are ways to treat the symptoms, and then there are ways to treat the root cause.

It sounds like boredom/narrow focusing is whats causing it for you. Rj had good thoughts on treating the symptoms.

Astridetal suggested finding more hobbies. Thats a good suggestion.

I dont only rock collect in the summer, I have a variety of interests. Is it possible for you to expand out more as Astridetal mentioned?