[Drasa]

Greetings everyone. Sorry in advance, this may be quite long as I'd prefer not to hold things back in this situation. I am a 24 year old male, never officially diagnosed with anything despite always knowing something was wrong. For most of my life I have been able to deal with things on my own, until this past week where everything happened at once. Going back to when I was 18, first. I was in a relationship that was unhealthy while going to college. I'll skip most of the details, but about a year into the relationship she was raped and got pregnant from it. I decided to stay with her when she said she was going to keep the child. Things actually worked out alright for another year after that, until she cheated on me with her step-father. I would say this "started" my depression, and I dropped out of college shortly after. A year later, when I was 21, I met someone else that I really enjoyed being with. We would be together for 3 years (up until last week). The breakup was over her needing time to get her life together and fix herself, but she decided that things would be better for her if we didn't talk again. This left me devastated, but I knew it would be best for both of us in the long run. The next day, I got a call-back for a job interview (I have had issues with this as well. I've always been a shy person and I have never had any goals or dreams). I was a wreck during it, and the interviewers let me know that I didn't do well. Nevertheless, I got the job. Unfortunately for me, the part time job I was offered has me follow a full-time employee's schedule while I learn. The job has VERY good benefits and starting pay. But is also very labor intensive. My body isn't in good shape because of past injuries and not working out due to depression keeping me indoors. I also have to get up at 4am for it. This effectively cuts out the little social life I had (playing online games with friends I knew from online games). My family actually had a celebration, which hurt me very much because I know I am not mentally ready for the job. A job was a big step up for me since I have always regretted dropping out of college. It's always been a huge issue for me. Cut to yesterday, my first day of work, and my father has to be taken to the hospital for chest pains. I've always had a good poker face and joked around a lot even when feeling depressed, so my family doesn't really understand my situation. I also don't have any friends left unfortunately, so there is nobody I can talk to. I can't imagine finding friends or a new relationship going well when I am busy from 4am-10pm. I guess I'm stuck right now. My family was happy when I got the job, and it's a job I need for insurance. If I quit, I would be letting them down pretty hard since they don't understand. If I stay, I will lose my social life (what little there may be) and possibly not recover. The hours also make it difficult to schedule appointments. It's hard with nobody left to talk to

[optimize990h]

Hi Drasa.

It is very good of you to wanting to speak with a psychiatrist. Sorry about your breakup of your relationship.

There may be psychiatrists that schelude appointments in the evenings. If you have a medical doctor, you should go see him, so he is aware of the psychiatrist you would be seeing. If you have access to community mental health in your area, then they could provide you with more options as well.

You keep posting or private message one of the community liaisons, including myself and we will answer any questions you have or try to.

Perhaps you will get more feedback to your situation from other PC members, as I have replied to your post. Welcome to PsychCentral.

[allimsaying]

HI Drasa,

I think optimize gave some pretty good advice. I can pretty much only echo what was said except to say you have a full load and it would be a lot for anyone to manage. Do you expect the hours to get easier at any point? Sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he's doing better. As for a relationship, its hard being lonely but give yourself time and maybe you'll meet someone. I know breakups feel like the end of the world so my heart really goes out to you on that one but dont give up. You can always come here and get your feelings out. Sending best wishes.

[astronoe]

Hello Drasa!

I understand what you mean, especially about the poker face. People seem surprised when I tell them that I don't think that I am always well mentally. As for the job, maybe you can make friends with someone there? Do you work with anyone? What about days off? Maybe you could try to coordinate and make some plans during your days off.

From 4:00 A.M. to 10 P.M. ? That's 18 hours per day. I thought the law prohibited that kind of thing. Are you in the U.S.? Are you getting double-time pay? Something isn't right about your job situation, to say the least. It's no wonder you have no social life. You should get 8 hours of sleep each night. Where are those hours to be found with your current job?

Man, your health is more important than the current job. I'd get another form of employment before I'd spend 18 hours daily in physical labor when you aren't even given safe hours away from work to maintain health. It's also a wonder that you haven't had a complete breakdown physically.

Please go in to talk to a psychiatrist and get counseling for yourself. You're being taken advantage of big time in your work situation. That alone is a reason for seeing a psychiatrist if for no other.

Take care of yourself first.

[Drasa]

Thank you three for the replies.

@genetic - my work schedule is 4am - 2pm, but I added sleep in with the time I'm gone. My friends are sometimes up that late, but never home as early as me. So far, I haven't been able to adjust to the schedule so I haven't seen them in a while.

My first day at work was not good, unfortunately. A pre-existing leg injury that never caused problems before decided to, and I wasn't able to do my job after a certain point (it's a warehouse, loading and unloading 100 pound boxes about 3,000 times). My parents thought I was making it up because I was depressed about the job to begin with.

I'm currently coming back from a breakdown. I sent my mother an email explaining my feelings (I guess I didn't really write them here either, there is a lot going on). So, I don't really know how that will go but I figure I have nothing to lose. I really feel like I need help, though. My insurance runs out in about 3 months, and this job was my only way to get some currently.

I will keep posting here. I can't see things working out in the near future

[Drasa]

Posting an update since it's been a few days! The email I sent to my mother has started some conversations, and the reaction was positive. My job has been quite awful, though. Waking up at night to go to work is really depressing. So is throwing 100 pound boxes of meat onto pallets in 20 degree weather for the whole day. I will probably see about quitting later this week.

Currently, I am really sad. Mostly because I miss my ex and want to talk to her, but I know it isn't the right thing to do. I'm sure sometime soon I will break down and reach out to her. I feel pretty incredible loneliness right now and really miss conversation. I don't think I've smiled for about 20 days. So today, another bad day.