[onionknight]

I need some honest advise about whether I should seek inpatient care or at least a more intensive outpatient program (although I'd have no idea how to get into the latter).

First of all, I'm not acutely suicidal. I have frequent thoughts about wanting to die or simply ceasing to exist, but I know myself, and I know even if I consider it, I won't do it, you know. But not being in immediate danger doesn't mean I am functioning well. In fact, it is the opposite.

I am a total freaking mess. I need to find a job, but I absolutely cannot muster up the will, energy, focus, motivation or persitence to look or be proactive. I sit in my room most of the time watching tv shows on my computer or scrolling through tumblr. I don't have the desire to do anything I really enjoy, and I feel like my mind isn't cognitively working at all. I can't think, I don't enjoy anything, and I can't make myself do anything to change any of this. It's bad. I feel trapped and like this is how every other day will play out because I can't see a way out. I need guidance. Every day I think about how screwed up and miserable and unable to function I am. It is sort of an obsessive. I worry that my mind is unraveling, and thus, I will only spiral into a point of no return craziness.

I see a psychiatrist every two monthes or so for meds. I'm on Effexor, which makes me feel kind of less depressed but not good or motivated. My pdoc wanted me to see a therapist, but I haven't. It's too much work to look for a therapist. I don't have the emotional energy to go through that much effort. I just want to stare off into space. This is really awful, and I don't know what to do, because I'm afraid my mind is hopelessly screwed up to the point where I'll never have motivation again.

I don't know how to bring up this subject with my mother. She knows I have these problems, but we don't really talk about my mental status at all. We're facing a ton of family stress right now (we're moving in two weeks), and if I go and tell her I think I should be put in a psych ward that will only add more stress and concern. But I'm like...I don't see how this is going to end, without me eventually snapping.

[agma]

I don't know if you would be admitted into a hospital if you told them that you were having thoughts but didn't have a plan. I would suggest calling your pdoc tomorrow. Tell him everything you wrote above. They can refer you to a partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient program. Based on what you wrote above, I think a PHP or IOP would be helpful for you.

Seeing a psychiatrist once every two months or so is an indication that you may be more stable than you feel at the moment. You would be seeing one every week if the situation were reallyl dangerous for you or anyone.

Why not print a copy of what you have written to us and take it with you to an appointment with your next visit with your psychiatrist? That might alert him that
you need additional help with medications or suggest that you get therapy as soon
as possible after you move. (Since you're moving in two weeks you would hardly establish a relationship with a therapist in such a short time; better, in my view, to
get a therapist in the area to which you are moving.)

If the situation worsens for you in the immediate future, I'd consider going to the emergency room at a hospital. Your mother does want to know what's happening even though it might be a busy time at home.

I understand your feelings and hope you will decide to go into therapy, because that's a very positive step in helping you recover from depression.

How's your diet, by the way? Do you drink a lot of sodas, eat things like chips, snacks, a lot of wheat, etc. ? If so, change your diet to get more green vegetables,
salads, and drink water. Please don't use recreational drugs of any type, and
keep your food less acid-reacting. See http://www.acidreactingfoods.com for
information on which foods are best to help keep a more alkaline state of fluids
and tissues.

Take care and know that it can get much better if you care for yourself well.

[onionknight]

I may be a little more stable than I'm currently feeling. But even when I wasn't feeling this "bad" I wasn't very motivated. My pdoc did want me to go into therapy; she nudged me forward with a list of recommeded therapists nearby, but I haven't had the energy to look at it and call one. I think it was good advise to call my pdoc and talk to her. I might be especially willing to do this if I work up the guts to tell my mom what I'm feeling.

I want someone to find me a therapist or a program or something that will help me because I'm totally at a loss to do anything to help myself.

We're moving to the suburb over, a grand total of like five minutes away But yeah, I drink a lot of soda and eat a lot of sugar. I kind of always have.

[montanan4ever]

It's time to call therapists. How can we help you move forward on that?

[onionknight]

^ Yeah, I know *SIGH*

I really feel like I am not that "sick," just really, really, really off course. What I desperately need is someone to help me take steps to get back on course.

Originally Posted by onionknight

I may be a little more stable than I'm currently feeling. But even when I wasn't feeling this "bad" I wasn't very motivated. My pdoc did want me to go into therapy; she nudged me forward with a list of recommeded therapists nearby, but I haven't had the energy to look at it and call one. I think it was good advise to call my pdoc and talk to her. I might be especially willing to do this if I work up the guts to tell my mom what I'm feeling.

I want someone to find me a therapist or a program or something that will help me because I'm totally at a loss to do anything to help myself.

We're moving to the suburb over, a grand total of like five minutes away But yeah, I drink a lot of soda and eat a lot of sugar. I kind of always have.

______________________________________-

There's a big part of your problem: "I drink a lot of soda and eat a lot of
sugar". The caffeine and sugar are both addictive and both have long-range very harmful effects. Caffeine can cause brain damage and
sugar can cause wide mood swings and depression and diabetes in the future. Clear up that and you may see much more clearly about how to go about talking to a therapist. It's possible you might not even need to see one once you have corrected the diet problems.

Watch out for wheat, rye, and barley, too. They're equally harmful because of a breakdown product in the gluten called exorphins. They cause addiction, wide mood swings, and are addictive, demanding more at every 2- to 3-hour intervals for those sensitive to gluten.

[sewerrats]

You wont be admitted to hospital, it would be a massive wake up call if you did, hospital is the patients last resort . They are pretty crap places to be unless you are really really ill, and if not could make you a lot worse. To get admitted to an english mental hospital you would have to suicidal to the max or want to hurt people, and then you would be in at most a week. Take a step back and look at your life , sitting drinking soda stuffing your face, vidio games. You have some pretty low level depression an want motivating not hospital believe me thats the last place you need.

[onionknight]

Meh, I'm not so sure. Yeah, I shouldn't have so much diet soda and sweets, but there's a lot of other things that are affecting me to. I REALLY need to see a therapist, more so than I need to be consistent with my meds even.

I hit a really bad stage over the weekend. To be fair, it was a combo of low estrogen (I have screwy hormones) and messes up my medication. I hope, actually. Or it could have been things building up. I'm kind of whoozy now...

You don't have to be suicidal to go to a mental hospital. There are some places that treat depression, and there's probably one in your state. If you feel like you need to, then I say yes, you should.