[Sujin]

I started posting about feeling sad and depressed lately, but thought I'd better post in Relationships since it is about my closest friend. I will post there, but I just want to say that when someone I love is going through a rough time it affects me deeply. I feel as if I'm falling apart. I want so much for my friend to be ok, and feeling like himself again. I want to be there for him, and I am, but I have been taking how he is acting personally. How do I stop doing this? Why do I feel hurt if he seems distant? Shouldn't I be able to be stronger and just brush it off and wait until it all blows over? I know he is not upet with me (so he says) but why is it hurting so much? I wish I could just stop feeling this way. I wish I weren't so sensitive. I have been feeling so depressed that I am isolating myself more and more, and I've lost interest in doing things altogether. Just going to the store is a chore for me. It may have something to do with the fact that recently another long time friend hurt me/betrayed me and now I'm just afraid of being hurt again. I haven't been depressed in so long, and I don't know how to handle this. I have been keeping quiet about posting my personal issues, but it hurts too much and I have to let it out. I'm not taking anti-depressants, they have a very negative effect on me. My eating is not very good (I can't eat when I'm depressed) and all I want to do is sleep, although I keep waking up or else I'm up to all hours. How can I desensitize myself?

Sujin

[Sujin]

I made a post in Relationships and ended up deleting it. It's just too hard to open up about personal issues for me. I tried deleting this one too, but the time had already expired. I think I will answer my own post. I will just deal with things, I will have a heart to heart talk with my friend, and move on. I can't afford to sit around feeling depressed. The last doctor I saw said I have "situational depression" and talk therapy is what works best for me. I will overcome this, no need for anyone to reply.

Thanks,
Sujin

[Sujin]

Someone just asked me if I really did not want replies or if it was the depression talking. Yes, it was the depression talking. I just woke up (I didn't get to bed until 5 this morning) and I woke up from an "emotional nightmare" as I call them, shaking and crying and not sure what to do, it goes so much deeper than this, I should have left my post in Relationships...I can't handle this alone, I can't handle this at all really. It put me in the hospital once and I don't want to go there again...if anyone does want to post feel free, but if not I understand also.

Thank you,
Sujin

[Fuzzybear]

Hey Sujin, I think it's "ok" to be "sensitive" and to be hurt about this..... I can completely relate to being betrayed by someone and then finding it hard to trust other people. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the friend who hurt you. You are a caring soul (and maybe they are not )

I know you said you didn't want any replies so ignore this if you want to....

Take gentle care,
Fuzzy

PS I was posting this as you posted again..... sorry if now redundant

sujin, i'm at home. PM me.........i'm here for you, love, pat

[Christina86]

Sujin,

If you want to, try to retype/repost the post you were going to put in Relationships. I'd read it, and I'm sure that there would be someone who would be able to (or try to) help.

I'm glad its just the depression talking, please take care of yourself?

PM me anytime at all ... I like seeing my friends as happy as possible.

[Sujin]

Thank you Fuzzybear, Pat, and Christina! I had to take a day to re-center myself, and put things into perspective. I have let my friend know that I am there for him, and I have left it at that. I don't feel very safe posting in Relationships about the whole situation, it feels like I'm exposing myself too much, and besides you three, I don't feel like anyone would care or even reply.

I can't say the depression is over completely, I just have accepted that I can't change someone else's reactions, I can only change my own. That in itself is healing for me. (Acceptance).

My boyfriend has been there for me unconditionally (he always is) we just don't live together yet. After really opening up to him yesterday he helped me to put things into perspective. It just felt good to get it all out. We took a day for ourselves and went to a movie and to dinner, and spent a lot of time talking and alot of alone time. All in all, it was a great day.

I can't say that I am still not feeling sad over my friend, but hopefully he knows that I care and now the ball is in his court, so to speak. There is so much more to the story, and I think it may have affected me more strongly because of other feelings and unresolved issues between us. I refuse to keep calling him or trying to reach him, I have to keep myself safe.

Well thanks again, you guys are the best!

Love,
Sujin